Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Who said that? Who the ******** said that? Who's the slimy little communist s**t, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy ******** godmother said it. ********. I will PT you all until you ******** die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman grabs Pvt. Cowboy by the shirt]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Was it you, you scroungy little ********, huh?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little piece of s**t you look like a ******** worm, I bet it was you!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!
Private Joker: Sir, I said it, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, no s**t. What have we got here, a ******** comedian? Private, Joker! I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and ******** my sister!
[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman punches Pvt. Joker in the stomach]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your a**! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best ******** yourself or I will unscrew your head and s**t down your neck!
Private Joker: Sir, Yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps!
Private Joker: Sir, to kill, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer!
Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then let me see your war face!
Private Joker: [nervously] Sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face! AHHHHHHHHHHH! That's a war face, let me see your war face!
Private Joker: Ahhhh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, you didn't convince me, let me see your REAL war face!
Private Joker: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You don't scare me! Work on it!
[after Sarge and Caboose's last attempt to get the Battle Creek Red and Blue grunts to listen to them has failed]
Caboose: Wait. I can make them listen. I... can... *beat* them.
Sarge: Son, what are you talkin' about?
Caboose: O'Malley taught me how to be mean.
[struggles to concentrate]
Caboose: I... just... have... to... concentrate... on, bad... things! Like *milk*... no wait, red... *Red Bull*!
Sarge: Son, I think you've really lost it. O'Malley's not in your head any more, he infected the Doc!
Caboose: No, I can feel him. I just need to... get angry, and *say mean things*, like... uh... *Your brain is a mountain of hatred!*
Sarge: I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif... but here it is.
Caboose: [now speaking in a very stilted, halting cadence, straining even more] Now, I am... thinking... about... kittens! Guh, *kit-tens*... covered... in... spikes. That makes... me... *angry!*
[begins to convulse and yell]
Caboose: [Caboose completely loses all self-control and then jumps off the cliff. An overly dramatic upshot of Caboose jumping down from the cliff, in slow motion. Caboose is yelling in a slowed-down, guttural yell, then lands on his feet, shaking the ground. The Reds and Blue grunts stop fighting and stare incredulously at Caboose]
Caboose: [in a deep gruff evil voice] My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I... hate... *babies*!
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[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman grabs Pvt. Cowboy by the shirt]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Was it you, you scroungy little ********, huh?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little piece of s**t you look like a ******** worm, I bet it was you!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!
Private Joker: Sir, I said it, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, no s**t. What have we got here, a ******** comedian? Private, Joker! I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and ******** my sister!
[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman punches Pvt. Joker in the stomach]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your a**! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best ******** yourself or I will unscrew your head and s**t down your neck!
Private Joker: Sir, Yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps!
Private Joker: Sir, to kill, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer!
Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then let me see your war face!
Private Joker: [nervously] Sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face! AHHHHHHHHHHH! That's a war face, let me see your war face!
Private Joker: Ahhhh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, you didn't convince me, let me see your REAL war face!
Private Joker: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You don't scare me! Work on it!
Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!
Sarge: [sighs] Go up there and get 'im, Simmons.
Donut: If he keeps screaming like that, he's gonna pass out and fall off the cliff!
Sarge: Cancel that order, Simmons!
Grif: [still screaming] Nooooooooooo!
Sarge: Donut, get me a sniper rifle.
Donut: Yes, sir!
Sheila: [after a pause] You know that's Simmons, right?
Church: [laughing] Ohh yeah.
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Caboose: Wait. I can make them listen. I... can... *beat* them.
Sarge: Son, what are you talkin' about?
Caboose: O'Malley taught me how to be mean.
[struggles to concentrate]
Caboose: I... just... have... to... concentrate... on, bad... things! Like *milk*... no wait, red... *Red Bull*!
Sarge: Son, I think you've really lost it. O'Malley's not in your head any more, he infected the Doc!
Caboose: No, I can feel him. I just need to... get angry, and *say mean things*, like... uh... *Your brain is a mountain of hatred!*
Sarge: I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif... but here it is.
Caboose: [now speaking in a very stilted, halting cadence, straining even more] Now, I am... thinking... about... kittens! Guh, *kit-tens*... covered... in... spikes. That makes... me... *angry!*
[begins to convulse and yell]
Caboose: [Caboose completely loses all self-control and then jumps off the cliff. An overly dramatic upshot of Caboose jumping down from the cliff, in slow motion. Caboose is yelling in a slowed-down, guttural yell, then lands on his feet, shaking the ground. The Reds and Blue grunts stop fighting and stare incredulously at Caboose]
Caboose: [in a deep gruff evil voice] My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I... hate... *babies*!