Hello love. So you don't respond anymore?? How are you doing??
.... this week has been...errr........ interesting.
Random drunk guys at the bus stop, lock down at school, shut down of one part of the school.... other stuff.... lol...all tooo interesting... and CRAZY!!! xD lol.
Are you past the whole scared to talk to me thing yet??? O.o I do hope so. Halloween is coming up and I am trying to hang out with some of my friends... you my dear, would just so happen to be one. ;D
I'm fine. I saw Jonny this past weekend, he came down and surprised me, I was in complete shock. I thought I was going to die. I thought he was an illusion. But he wasnt.
For the most part I am fine. I am happy I got to see him. With you... I was confused... a little less so. Not so sure what you want. I hardly get on, because I am hardly aloud to. If you answered your phone, you would know what all goes on. I have not been having any drama this school.... ahahah preps... the usual. I have a funny story for that, from fourth block today... lol.
I don't know if you check your messages on your phone. But you should. You should return my calls.
I miss talking to you. I am not mad. I am not anything. I am a mixture of sad, upset, hurt, confused, agrivated, annoyed, scared, worried, and avoided. I feel not wanted from you. That hurts. You are doing kind of the same thing that Nate was doing... it hurts.
......
very much. Kamillah, you are one of my best friends. Eric and I are working on our differences.... but i don't know. I honestly feel like you want nothing to do with me. I am wondering what have I done wrong. I don't know. I will be damned if a get played for the fool. I am not one. I will not look like one. I feel as if you do not want me to call you. It hurts. i keep saying to myself that I will stop trying to call you and let you alone. But, I am not ready to. By me doing that, I feel like it will be letting you go or something. Like the friendship wont be there. I dont want that to happen......... I don't know if you mean it or not when you say you don't want to lose me...... I am horribly scared. Jonny says to just leave you alone..... but i don't know. I am more hurt than anything.
I want to run away. I want to be with Jonny.
But i g2g.
I love you. later.....
I will get on tomorrow (wednesday) respond ok???
At least I can talk to you up here.... hopefully :/
Aww I miss you sooo much Hun! I finally figured out how to make my profile look nice, how to get different hair styles, and create a dream avi... ^-^ YAY!! I finally got some of the things to go on my dream avi.... lol. I am slowly getting there. But I will get there. Now I am broke as hell... :[
/x x/ Nathan is a damn liar!!! Uggghhh!!! He says he only loves Sarah a little bit... bullshit!! he put it in all capslock, with like 15 hearts beside it....
THen he told her he told me off, and told me he told her that he told her he just told me we were only friends.... what a liar.
WHat a douchbag....
Kami I don't know about him anymore.
He says he hasn't given up on us, but I think he has...
I don't think I believe any of the words that he says anymore.
I will end up getting over that scumbag.
He is hurting me and killing me inside.
Walking all over me and slapping me in the face.
He says he cares, but I think he doesn't give a damn.
He wouldn't hurt his precious Sarah in this way, nor would he send her through hell.
He does not care about me... at least I think so like 70%.
If he did, he wouldn't be hurting me, telling me one thing, her another, and lying as he has been.
Why can't that buttwipe just tell the damn truth??
If you dont want me just tell me the fcking truth!!!
s**t it will hurt for awhile, then I will get over it and move on.
I love him!!!
But I don't know.
All the things I called him, I mean, but I don't.
I am only mad at the moment.
So most of it, the names I have called him, I don't mean.
But I do not appreciate the way he is treating me.....
It is ******** wrong!!
'Kami I love you....
<3333
Kami save me!!
I am falling hard! Kami catch me, because Nathan sure as hell won't.
He isn't, he is too damn busy focusing upon Sarah at the moment to notice.
He knows, but I honestly don't think he cares.
He is probably just laughing at me secretly, thinking I am pathetic.
I will come out of this and prove him wrong.
I will walk away with more wisdom and spread my wings and sore through the air like an eagle.
I will be gone.
I will be with my freedom. I will come down and swoop him off his feet and land with him somewhere else.
THen I don't know what will happen.
*sighs*
Kami I am so unhealthy at the moment... :[[[
You have to help me and walk with me through this ok sweetheart.
You, Alex, and Nessa are pretty much all that I have left to lean upon....
ALex actually cares. He wants me healthy and wants me happy. ^-^
I love him sooo much!
But I love Nathan sooo much more than him at the moment.....
I don't think Nathan can handle my love.
Nor do I think he wants it.
He wants my lust....
If that is all.. I will read between the lines and figure it out for my damn self....
He will get nothing....
He can check me out during the week, he wont be able to touch me though...
I will eventually put up my walls to him and block him out if he continues to stab me in the back, betray me, and lie to me.
I can't handle that.
I don't need that.
I will only take but so much...
His time is growing short...
But you know what... I don't think it even matters to him at all.
Like I said I am the rotting corpse on the side of the road.
Remember?
He wouldn't even give me a second glance.
This is uber harsh.
He is destroying me mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I will end up with nothing...
ughh...
I want it to stop!!
THere will come a point when I say enough is enough and walk away.....
wth are mudkipz?? lmao!! xD Irt makes me think of chips, like dipping chips in mud and shoving them in a certain someones face....hmmm.... that sounds inviting.
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