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Report | 09/27/2010 5:59 am

Thanks smile

School, eh...
Well, it's just like a roller coaster, when it's about friends in school. They're sometimes so nice about me and care about me and if they don't find me they're like "OMG WHERE IS SHE LET'S FIND HER!" But there are times when I'm totally ignored, or forgotten about, that can get me down pretty much...
About learning... I recently found out that even if I think I know the material, I don't! I usually come to realize it when somebody else does the oral test, and they ask him/her something, and I'm like "There actually was something about that?! Haven't even heard of that thing!" And when I imagine myself, standing there, I just can't see myself actually speaking like I knew about what I have learnt. It really freaks me out sometimes, and before every lesson we have test I'm getting really stressed.
My mother used to tell me anime and gaia (to be more specific: "those big eyed whatever's" wink make me stupid... I never really believed in what she told, but turns out there is something to it actually. Lately I can't study so well, and Gaia and anime takes up much of my time. I just can't bring myself to stop watching, doing it. Until I am not 100% sure of that this is the cause of that I can't study and learn well, I won't stop. I sometimes think that it is because I'm becoming a teenager, or something like that.
Yeah, being unsure is a bad thing at times like this, too :/

Report | 09/26/2010 8:40 am

Colonel Gabrielle

It's OK, I get your point biggrin
Yeah, well, I guess I'm just still a kid at heart, expecting everyone and anyone to love others, or at least me xD
Yeah, I'm spoiled like that >.<
Since I always try to show my best and be as good as possible towards everyone, I don't really see why anyone wouldn't like me. That is how I expect others to be nice to me even though they don't know me.
This has gotten me into weird situations. Like I was in a camp, and asked for the telephone number of a girl I talked and had fun a lot. And there was this guy, who just popped in a few minutes before, and I even asked for his, since I didn't want him to feel bad about it. He thought I had a crush on him ._.
The only thing I don't like about my personality that lately I don't even mind that much if they don't like me. It's just the feeling, that I do not even care, my thoughts are miles away from that thing, and I feel myself pout, and ask myself, why? And then I remember the look somebody gave me minutes ago. And I'm like "Oh yeah, I guess it's another round of five minutes to be depressed...."

Report | 09/25/2010 1:43 am

Colonel Gabrielle

Yeah, lately I've been getting really tired every afternoon *tired smile* School and everything just sucks out my energy.

Indeed, life has a bright and dark side. Everything bright is about nature, and nice people, at least for me.

It's just bad to question everything since I can stress on a little decision for hours, making my nerves go boom.

Also, I often question stuff I have believed for up until then, when something really good or really bad happens to me. If somebody is rather mean, rude to me, I question everybody's love and believe that if anybody is ever nice to me is because they don't want to hurt my feelings, or it's just simply a fake, for who knows what reason. When something good happens, I just forget about everything bad, not really caring about them anymore. :/

Report | 09/24/2010 2:37 pm

Colonel Gabrielle

Well, one good thing about my really crappy memory is that, even if one thing gets me down for about an hour, after it I can pretty much forget about it. Even if it is some big secret, or something, after the whole thinking part is gone, about a few days later I don't remember anything, or I don't find it so annoying/awkward/uncomfortable.
One really bad thing about being a teenager that I always question everything. Everything has an other meaning, if viewed from an other angle. Nothing is actually wrong, or right, it's relative, and depends on how we look at it.
Though it is really bad, that lately all I get to know is how naive I was when a child, thinking life was only about rainbows and butterflies. Everything is so dark, and so strange, only that the people around me could hide it really well. It can make me so depressed, disappointed. But, as I said, I get over it rather soon.
Well, just never forget that the more you give the more you receive. It's not always the same thing you receive, but you know that if one day you'll need something, you might not even have to mention them how you were generous back in past, but they'll remember it. If you hug somebody, that one will likely hug you back, if not right the next moment, then a few days later. Every time it will be an opportunity to hug you, they will think if they could hug you.
That is how I won 2.5 million gold on Gaia, having a good friend (maybe that helped, too), spending 2500 gold. It could have been God's / Karma's doing, I'm not sure about it.

Report | 09/23/2010 7:19 am

Colonel Gabrielle

Yeah, I always tell myself it's better to know the truth... but lately I found out that's not true at all. After I got to know it, I just want to forget about it, and live on like I never knew it.
Maybe this little hope is that keeps me happy everyday. I have asked her several times, but that was months ago. We'll just see about it, since I just can't contact her actually :/
But let's drop this subject, I'm afraid I'm boring you with this redface
So, what's new at you?

Report | 09/22/2010 11:30 am

Colonel Gabrielle

Well, yeah, the only difference between the two stories that my (ex?)friend is having a "better life" than her old one. She helps her parents, hangs out with her friends, does sports (fighting karate whatever), tidies her room, and stuff like that. It's only that know her life doesn't involve anime, neither me. Once I asked why she wasn't online, and she told me she had stuff to do, like "you know, I have a life". Totally like this.
I don't really think she still wants to be friends with me, but I don't really get why she's nice with me and tells me she misses me then.

Report | 09/20/2010 7:34 am

Colonel Gabrielle

Yeah, yeah, that has been the problem for me, too, but it's over now. Lately I'vebeen going to bed at about midnight, so I'm so tired I can't even think. So I fall asleep easily. However, last night (?) I could fall asleep only at 4 am. -.-
Well, indeed, I should take time on my friends. However, I have got a friend I am really sad about. We met got to know each other in an English course, she introduced me to the world of anime and manga. We've been really good friends, but then she went to High school (we knew each other for a half year then, approximately), and changed a bit. She became a bit more perverted and spent more time with her classmates. I got a bit annoyed and thought of meeting her as a bad thing, and sometimes tried to turn it down. However, lately I've been missing her so much, the last time I saw her was last year, I think.
But she's completely changed now. She does homework, goes to karate fighting (I guess), drinks alcohol, hangs out with her friends, and doesn't even give a damn about me. Well, she sometimes responds to my messages on Messenger, but always when I am offline, saying she wasn't on (she is usually busy or away).
She doesn't watch Bleach, nor any other anime anymore, I think we kind of lost our most important subject to talk about.
I just wish we could hang out we used to a few years ago.
I don't know if I should look forward to seeing her, and struggling to try and have some fun, or just give up on her?

Report | 09/19/2010 7:49 pm

frumoasa_SORCHA

So.. I will send you my stuff. I cant take this crap, If they allow a Bondage and a**l threads... BUT they wont allow one about Animal rights or Vegetarianism?

Good bye Gaia!

Report | 09/19/2010 7:22 pm

frumoasa_SORCHA

they deleted my thread! WTF - It didnt violate ANY graphic crap! STUPID GAIA

Report | 09/19/2010 7:17 am

Colonel Gabrielle

Well, lately I have so much to do on Gaia and IRL that I barely have some time for my friends. On one hand, it is a bit ...uhh, awkward, since I almost never call them and it looks like as if I hated them or I didn't care about them. I love being like "OMG I don't have time for anything" because at times like that I don't have to think about my little problems. All I see is that I'm being useful and people rely on me, people need me. That is a quite good feeling. On the other hand, it is really good to call them when I have a little free time, and just talk. Talk what has been going on with them lately, having fun like in the old day [almost impossible, my friends change].
It's good that when I call them to meet up, or something like that, they are not like me so "Ah sorry I don't have time/I don't want to" but they look forward to seeing me.

Report | 09/16/2010 3:32 pm

Colonel Gabrielle

True happiness comes when you are yourself, believe me. I tried to suppress my real personality in order to have people love me. However, I made some really loyal, accepting, kind and fun friends in class, and around them I can be myself. At times like those, I really DO feel happy. Just as happy as when I see something so beautiful I don't know what to do about it. I'm squealing and talking about it for a real long while, but I can't really take it in and enjoy it. However, when among friends I am having fun, I'm really happy. Though that happiness can be ruined in a moment if I see somebody look at me in a weird way or tell me off, or anything.
Yeah, lately I've been thinking about my fake emotions, too. It's like even I feel like it was real...but it's not, really. I can put up a smile or a pout very easily, and even make myself believe that it is true.

Report | 09/16/2010 2:57 pm

Colonel Gabrielle

Aw <3 You too be happy, but I guess you are, even without me having to tell you ^^
Yeah, I can get pretty depressed so many times. When somebody is rude with me, I can question everybody's love and just tell "Alright from this point on I won't care about people's feelings and just gonna be a meanie." But after a few hours, I forget about it all. And when somebody's really nice with me, I can forget about all my enemies and problems.
Well, I believe that those who you reject have already forgotten about you. They just give it a try, and if it works, it works. If not, who cares. I bet they really don't mind. I mean, if they wouldn't care to ask about you, talk with you, then why would they care if you have accepted their request or not? For me it helps, to think that rejecting it is just as mean as that they send it without knowing me first, and actually reading that really short About me section (indeed short compared to my old ones) where I write I won't be accepting a friend request unless they tell me what it is about, or where they know me from.

Report | 09/16/2010 7:49 am

Colonel Gabrielle

Yeah, I know, it's really good to have friends, and send them a comment or PM once in a while or receive one. I have a friend, who often sends me a comment, and it feels so good. I don't like to see people suffer either, I often feel like as if it was me. When I see on TV that somebody's in a really awkward situation, I must turn to an other channel, because I just feel so bad about it.

I think I'm too much on the childish side. Even thought I'm 15 I so feel like a child. And many people tell me their opinion about it, so lately I've been trying to get back from being a hyperactive kid. I can be really serious sometimes, but most of the time, and my personality is like one of a kid's. I'd love to be like one month in big city and one month in a little town, and so on. I really love when everything gets fast and quick, when there's no stop, when I don't have time to sit down and just wonder. However, I guess it would be bad for my health, and I also love when it's only about relaxing and stuff like that. When I can do what I want.

I'd love to be 10 years old again. For a long time, only 10 years old. The world tries to hide the ugly side of it from you, since you are only a child and you can enjoy life, and believe it is something wonderful, and wanna grow up already. When you grow up, people don't really care about your feelings anymore and they don't stop only because you are crying. They feel free to tell you about things you don't want to know about. And even if they told you when you were a child, you still couldn't really comprehend it. I wish I could be young once more. I'm almost an adult now, and there are so many things I want to do as a teenager.

I'm the type that would be too afraid to send a friend request to someone that seems rich or something. I don't know, I think it's some kinda disorder, but I often feel like as some of the people are superior to me, and I don't dare to talk to the, being afraid of rejection. It's kind of bad, and since I place most of the people in front of me, it really hurts me when they don't say hi to me or just act rudely. That's when the problem comes, because the ones I find to be good friend, I am not afraid of them, I don't think of them as being higher or superior to me, and I can be pretty mean with them, a little self-centered, and can even be rude. Yeah, it sounds awful, but I'm nice with strangers and awful with those who are close to me ._.

Report | 09/15/2010 3:05 pm

Colonel Gabrielle

Awww thanks that was so sweet, it means a lot to me <3
I so hate and love it that from a simple line from someone I can get all cheered up and don't care about my problems, and if somebody doesn't say hi back to me I feel offended for hours.
I'm so sorry for the gym thing. If it would have been me, and she'd tell me "bye!" I'd be so angry and would so tell her off, and wouldn't let her go. Or, do what I learned from mom, make her feel guilty. "Sure, yeah, just go away, don't even care about me! That's what friends are for, isn't it? I'm sure you feel wonderful now, giving a crap about me, despite that I always were there with you." Just writing it makes me all mad.
I so wish to live at such remote place. But, as I am still really young, I can't really make that decision :/ I'm not the type that has plans for the future, or can decide. I love big cities with neon-signs, and the little villages with goats and chickens.

About the name thing, yeah...when I was a starter here on Gaia, I gladly accepted every friend request. Nowadays I get 1-2 daily. I'm almost getting angry when I see "1 new request" at the top of the page. Most people just send me a friend request since my avi is awesome and then completely forget about me.

Yeah, world is tough. I sometimes could experience it, but I guess that is not even it all. The only good thing about me is that I can forget things so easily and so quickly. So these experiences fade away after a while, and I can be happy if that is what I have to be, since I don't like hurting people with being all sad around them.

Report | 09/15/2010 9:50 am

Colonel Gabrielle

Oh I'm so glad you found a job! whee
Well, I guess I can enjoy having "discussions", too, but I would have just told that girl (guy?) that "Alright, we are the same, you won. Happy now?" LOL after a while I can be pretty hateful sweatdrop BUT only with those who deserve it. I recently found out that I can be so amazingly hateful sometimes that I'm like "OMG is this me?" Every time I have to tell something about me, I'm always telling that I'm cheerful, helpful, loving, caring, loyal, etc. And here I am, telling off a girl in a 20-lines PM because she posted in my guild without even being a member, and when I told her about it and tried to help her, told me to "stfu". -.-

I'm doing pretty well, thanks, it's just like there are so many stuff I wanna do, and I don't really have the time, and it is very disappointing and saddening, I mean I'm growing up, soon gonna be 18, an adult, and I still haven't done many stuff I wanted, and looks like, because of having to study, I won't really have the opportunity. The school year started really well, my friends were really kind and loving, we had much much fun. Then, about a few days ago life started to suck for me, as I realized that I don't really have a best friend, and when it comes to "pick an other person from the class to do pair-exercises" I get to be alone. Life can be pretty disappointing for me sometimes, and I'm the sensitive and overworrying type, so lately I feel offended if somebody doesn't say hi to me. It really gets on my nerves and I can be gloomy for a really long while.
So it's been like a roller-coaster. Sometimes high above, sometimes down under :/

Report | 09/15/2010 5:43 am

Zylette

That's great, congratulations! =D What's the job? Thanks, me too.

Um, not too much... I keep changing medicines and getting sick lol. Not because of the medicine, though, just colds. Because of the previous medicine I was taking, I gained a lot of weight, so I feel somewhat more sluggish -_-' On a better note, I'm much closer to getting a job, finally. BRS is helping me with job interviews, so I'll be doing a working interview where I get paid minimum wage for a trial period and the company sees if they want to hire me, then I'll get paid normally. I'm pretty excited about that.

Report | 09/15/2010 4:27 am

Colonel Gabrielle

With which one? The believe it one? biggrin Also, which "believe it" one? The one with Lily-chan or my hair? xD
Haven't heard from you for a while, how have you been?

Report | 09/14/2010 9:28 pm

frumoasa_SORCHA

Ok, I cant take her stupidity any longer... had to block.. Lol whee

Report | 09/13/2010 1:58 pm

Highgate

I love the simplicity of your screen name

Report | 09/11/2010 12:43 am

frumoasa_SORCHA

Yeah.. I need to calm down. Its just some 17 yr old short racist .. ugh the stupidity ! confused

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