A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a*****e!"

The youngest son of the 4th Earl of Richmond (who was descended from the Duke of Brittany) was granted lands in the Barony of Craufurd (from "crow ford" wink in Lanarkshire in the 12th century by King David I and the family took the surname from the placename. In 1127 Sir Gregan Crawford was involved in the legendary incident when King David was saved from a stag (and founded the Abbey of Holyrood as a result).

In 1296 Sir Reginald Crawford was appointed sheriff of Ayr. His sister married Wallace of Elderslie and thus became the mother of William Wallace the great Scottish patriot. Needless to say, the Crawfords rallied to his cause.

The main branches of the family were Crawford of Auchinames (in Renfrewshire) who received a grant of land from Robert the BruceRobert the Bruce and Craufurd of Craufurdland (in upper Clydesdale). Sir William Craufurd of Craufurdland was a brave soldier who was knighted by King James I and fought for King Charles VII of France. The castle at Craufurdland was much extended in the 17th century. The castle passed to the Howiesons in 1793 and was restored in the 1980s.

Other lines of Crawfords began in the reign of James III when descendants of Archibald Craufurd created the families of Auchenairn, Beanscroft and Powmill. Archibald's son John was killed at the Battle of Flodden in 1513.

In the 16th century, Thomas Crawford of Jordanhill was a member of the household of Lord Darnley, husband of Mary Queen of Scots. During those turbulent times he captured Dumbarton Castle in 1571 with 150 men by scaling the supposedly impregnable rock and later received the surrender of Edinburgh Castle.

Lawrence Crawford (1611-45) fought for Gustavus Adolphus in the Thirty Years War and returned to Britain to fight for the Parliamentary forces against King Charles I.

The Crawford clan motto is "Tutum te robore reddam" which means "I will give you safety by strength".

Crawford was the 75th most frequent surname at the General Register

Hey y'all I'm a smart cool guitarist from Florida I like singing dancing hanging out with my friends, my dogs, speaking, and no matter what I don't care what other people think about me because I know their opinion doesn't count when it comes to me and my personality, I'm a dork and proud of it, but I'ma very cool dork.