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- 07/20/2010 7:14 am
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- 02/18/2008
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I'm Andy Richter, and here's your host, Conan -Coco- OBriennnnnnnnnnn!
{Max Weinberg and the Tonight Show Band play jaunty intro, eager and fueled by their own inner anguish at the recent happenings}
Crowds cheer, surging with excitement in support of the ginger giant of Late Night, who struts out to the Star mark on the Tonight Show throne/stage. Since he had taken the throne, his hop/spin/point combo from Late Night had been reined in to a small hop by NBC execs. However, as of late, and on this night, January 20, 2010, he's trying to enjoy the peach-colored sadness painting the Tonight Show set and let his devil-may-care attitude amp up the game. He is bringing it all, everything the execs said not to do, all the discouragement, left in shatters on the floor along with his dreams tred upon.
"I'm with Coco" diehards scream, bark, ovate with chants of "Conan, Conan, Conan!" The revelry is electric, tangible, and delicious. We all know Conan does not give a s**t anymore. He has his walking papers. He's just there for those now screaming his name, damp, weakened by worried starvation, and torn apart by a network's betrayal.
The fans.
The fans that may have had to sleep for work those nights the ratings weren't great, trying to scrape and pay their rents. The fans that felt, 'He'll be here for years, so once I get over this rough patch, I'll get to watch again' are there with tears in their eyes as their future weeknights with Conan are now not only jeopardized after January 22nd until September 1st, 2010, but extinct until the expiration date. The fans that sent emails, wrote stories, drew art, tweeted, flew out, ran, drove, sailed to reach Conan's Universal lot doorstep just to say 'We love you.' The fans that offered money or ... other transactions for part or complete parcel of The Tonight Show set... And even for Conan himself.
The Masturbating Bear, having been in drugged hibernation because he was deemed too racy for 11:35PM. The gerbils that were born during the 7 month stint on the Tonight Show, a skit relating to the faux sentimentality of the closing image Jay Leno had graced his slack-jawed masses to show all of the Tonight Show staffers who had bred... And the ones he accidentally fathered.
NBC jokes flow in a searing stream, only so copious as an innately classy man can muster, then there are other topical jokes to make, like the necessary Kirstie Alley joke. There are bigger fish to fry, a better way to have fun on television--To have fun on television.
For now, rumblings a'muster themselves, trickling along the interwebs. Until our true King of Late Night finds a new method of entertaining, the lights are out. The seats, empty. The severance packages, dwindling but supplanted with extra money from Conan's own pocket.
But thank you, and remember,
"All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."
KEEP COOL MAH BEHBEHS~ Let's wait for some amazing things to happen!
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