About

Though his original name is unknown, the entity now called "Battle Crackers" was created deep in an underground bunker beneath the Nevada desert by extensive gene-splicing, forsaken eldritch arts, and alchemy in an attempt to create a perfect replica of Chuck Norris. Unfortunately, the facility was attacked by zombie-aliens for the Realm Beyond Sleep, and Battle Crackers was lost in the chaos.

Eventually, he was found by a group of cowboys, who began raising him as their own. When they discovered that his abilities laid beyond even what skills they could give him, he was given to a wandering group of pirates for further instruction. Their care, however, was also not enough, and thus Battle Crackers moved on once again to train in the ancient arts of ninjutsu before setting off on his own.

Seeking his purpose in life, Battle Crackers found work as a bear-wrangler in the wilderness of Norway for several years. Sadly, the Norwegian government requested he leave for the sake of the bear population and he was left a wanderer once again. It is rumored that he spent several years afterward protecting the Pope(making him for the first non-Swiss to be a member of the Swiss Guard). Regardless, he recently returned to America, where he poses as a college student until the government finds a proper opening for him to fill.(like president)

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Pandah Boy

Report | 08/10/2006 8:37 pm

Pandah Boy

Dude. no. That's gay.
Sakura-ino3

Report | 03/27/2006 3:35 pm

Sakura-ino3

YEAH that quote is killer blaugh it is more then that i just can't find the word for it thought sweatdrop
The Feist

Report | 03/07/2006 7:16 pm

The Feist

Best quote ever.