Here ya go. Have a golf cake.
Ya like my sushi hat?
I ekil ot epyt sdrawkcab.
I'm the most fashionable girl in the neighborhood!
Work of art! Only 3000 dollars!
I'll take it!! I'll take 12!
I'm so sneaky, I can't see myself.
This outfit would be complete if I only had (lists off 1243 items).
I'm flap, flap, flapping my inverted albatross wings.
*TWINKLE*
Boy, it's cold way out here in space.
Sometimes I wonder... Why is the frisbee getting bigger?... And then it hits me.
Procrastinators unite!... Tomorrow...
With a shirt like this, who needs pants?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Give me ambiguity, or give me something else!
I wish I could make art worth 3000 dollars.
Dyslexics untie!
OOF!?
I have a spilling checker. It came with my PC; It plainly marks four my revue mistakes I cannot sea. I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your please too no, Its letter perfect in it's weigh, my checker tolled me sew.
Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.
Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
If you want breakfast in bed, you'd better sleep in the kitchen.
When the going gets tough, the tough eat chocolate.
Mealtime is when kids sit down to continue eating.
You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.
It's deja vu all over again.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Why is the man who invests your money called a broker?
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Real Newspaper Ad: We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Real news ad: Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.
Actual school excuse: My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
Actual school excuse: Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Actual school excuse: Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
The trouble with doing something difficult right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Classified ad: STOCK UP AND SAVE! (limit 1)
We build bodies that last a lifetime.
The SUPERSTORE! Unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, and unrivaled inconvenience!
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself" - Mark Twain
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I'll always have each other.
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know abut it until the next morning?
The youngest son, the 20-year old. How old is he?
How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
You were there until the time you left. Is that true?
How many times have you committed suicide?
I went to the general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
It's deja vu all over again.
If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of?
It's deja vu all over again
He who stand in front of car get tired.
He who stand in back of car get exhausted.
He who eat family portrait is soon spitting image of father.
He who fall off cliff jump to conclusion.
He who stick face in drink bowl get punch in nose.
He who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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