i'm potato. and i like skinnydipping, long walks on the beach and eating

hello dere



do u ever try to muffle ur farts by tying a thick jacket around your waist
but then after you look around and everyone b floppin on th ground

cuz ……………….
it
smelt
so
crappy




I was in Target last night doing a little grocery shopping. I was bored, tired, and generally did not want to be there. As I was nearing the end of an aisle, I felt some pressure building down in the nether regions...thankfully, this was no shart, I KNEW what this was....an SBD, or as it was about to become, a claymore mine, as I fully intended on ambushing the family shopping behind me.

As I neared the end of the aisle, I let it seep out slowly, so as not to make any noise and arouse suspicion of the ambush. As it came out, I swear, I could see it's broccoli/cheese/sulphuric power floating almost motionlessly in behind me....this was indeed powerful, and would be one heck of an ambush.

I moved away, but to a position that I could clearly witness the carnage that was about to take place on this poor unsuspecting family of three.

The first person into the kill zone was the dad. Poor fool...he never knew what hit him. I know he noticed it...HOW COULD YOU NOT...his nose wrinkled up a bit, but he said nothing...deep down, I think he was in awe of the power of the evil that was about to befall him, and he froze. Well, that was about to change.

The wife and child enter the killzone, and the wife gets wind of the charge in the air...and she promptly smacks her husband and tells him he's disgusting...I watch with glee, and stifle a snicker...He in turn get's the look all husbands know..."WHAT DID I DO NOW?"...and says, "that wasn't me". They pause, still standing in the stench of death and decay, and look at their small child, and she says, "maybe he needs a diaper change"...

At this point, I am starting to laugh pretty hard, and am forced to retreat for fear of giving up my position...needless to say, I had a good laugh, and it gave me a spring in my step for the rest of my shopping trip in Target.


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.


Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'


He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ear s carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthdayy'



I work in a long hallway with a few doors leading out to the retail floorspace of the place of my employment. I am usually the only one back here, or at least 15-20 yards from the nearest person. I tend to relieve myself on a regular basis throughout the work day since I'm the only one here most of the time. I do have a door about 4 feet from my desk, but the electronic lock beeps before anyone comes in, so I know if someone is entering.

So I'm working at my desk minding my own business, when i feel a rolling thunderclap making haste towards the light of day. I look to make sure there is no one that has come in further down the way and the coast is clear. After adjusting my sitting position, I let out this gust of wind that seemed to reduce my waistline by atleast an inch or two. Man, it felt great. Well, the heavy dark beers had latched themselves onto the whole fiber goodness of breakfast and created a highly toxic perfume of stench that reached my nose and sent a burning sensation throughout my nasal cavity. I basked in the green glow of the cloud for a second or two and then it happened. I heard the beep of the lock on the door next to my desk and was gripped with terror. It had to have been the worst person to come in at that time. We had just recently had a new senior manager fill the open position and SHE walked in at that moment. She went to say hi and ended up just walking very briskly past to the cleaner air further down the vault. I'm not sure if she was coming to talk to me or not, but we didn't speak to each other for a couple of weeks after that. She tends to enter the door further away from my desk now.

- credit