Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Silent Hill Guild

Back to Guilds

This guild allows users to RP, create pictures to be rated, talk about all things silent hill. Please Enjoy. 

Tags: Silent Hill, Role Play, Video Games, Horror, Contests 

Reply Otherworld Art (Art outside of Silent Hill)
Avarisix Prologue part one

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

What do you think?
  i like it!
  I love it!
  it sucks
  work on it some more
View Results

DJ Arctic Wolf
Crew

7,150 Points
  • Beta Critic 0
  • Beta Citizen 0
  • Beta Explorer 0
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:59 am


Here's the first part to my prologue of my book, Avarisix. Hope you enjoy it!

Prologue
Dreams


Wind coursed throughout the Laudros Plains. A large tiger warrior shuddered as the cold wind brushed against his fur. He pulled the cloak tighter around his body and cursed the wind as it snuffed out his fire. “Damn this wind!” He muttered to himself. “Will it ever cease? I can’t go to Zawgrin’s castle in this weather.”
He muttered more curses as he pulled out a tent from his horse’s pack. He unfolded it and set it up. “Zapras tent!” A bright light encircled the tent before disappearing. That should keep the tent from flying away. He thought. He walked back over to his horse and pulled out a blanket and pillow. “Good night, Xion.” He said as he patted the horse. “Sleep well, my friend.”
The tiger walked back to the tent and went inside. He set up a makeshift bed and laid down. I hope my soldiers will be all right. He thought as he drifted into sleep. As he slept, he encountered the same recurring nightmare he had every night.
Captain Hercule Brummel was a proud and fierce warrior. He was tall and well built. He had soothing brown eyes and short light brown hair. He was brave and very intelligent. He was always busy training soldiers, but always made time for his wife and son, Lorena and Jolet.
Hercule was playing with Jolet on the outskirts of Seitorimun, their hometown. Lorena was watching them from a small hill. Hercule was laughing along with his son as he tossed Jolet into the air. “Do it again, papa!” Jolet laughed.
“Alright! Here we go!” Hercule laughed as he tossed Jolet higher. He stopped laughing when he smelled something burning. He caught Jolet in his arms and looked at him. He let out a cry of terror as he saw burn marks all over his body. “Oh no! Jolet, are you okay?”
Jolet smiled. “There’s nothing wrong, papa! I’m fine!”
Hercule gasped as the burn marks burst into flames. The flames danced across his body, burning everything it touched. “Lorena? Can you help me?” He asked as he attempted to put the flames out. He cried when he saw Lorena. She was encased in flames. “Lorena! You’re on fire!”
“What are you talking about?” Lorena asked as she smiled. “You are being silly. I still love you though.”

What is going on here? Captain Brummel asked himself. Don’t Lorena and Jolet know that they are on fire? Captain Brummel’s eyes widened with horror as he saw his home engulfed in a raging inferno. This has got to be a dream! Wake up!
The fire raced throughout the town and across the hills. It trapped Hercule and his family. Hercule started sweating from the heat. The fire edged closer as he let out a yell.
Captain Brummel woke up with a scream. He sat up in his makeshift bed and shivered as a cold wind blew in from the open flaps of his tent. He put on warm clothes and donned his armor. He walked outside into a brisk cold morning. He breathed a sigh of relief. “At least the wind has died down a little bit.”
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 4:23 pm


This could be a pretty neat fantasy story! There's a few things I would change though;

1) You've got the format for Hercule's thoughts wrong... It would be better if you wrote it like this; 'That should keep the tent from flying away,' he thought.
2) He didn't sound panicked enough when his son started burning... He should have said something like "Lorena! Help me!"

Other than that, this is a great start! biggrin

Black Cat Hamlet
Crew


DJ Arctic Wolf
Crew

7,150 Points
  • Beta Critic 0
  • Beta Citizen 0
  • Beta Explorer 0
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 9:16 pm


well, if you look in some of the most famous books, thoughts are in italics. I'll remember that part with Lorena for a future re-write
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:39 pm


Wolfoverlord342
well, if you look in some of the most famous books, thoughts are in italics. I'll remember that part with Lorena for a future re-write


Yeah, keep the dream part! It has me interested! biggrin

Black Cat Hamlet
Crew


DJ Arctic Wolf
Crew

7,150 Points
  • Beta Critic 0
  • Beta Citizen 0
  • Beta Explorer 0
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 7:02 am


let me fix the flash-back in the next part and I'll post it up. (It'll be in italics b/c it's a flashback. sort of like a dream.)
PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:59 am


this is getting bumped so people can read the other parts

DJ Arctic Wolf
Crew

7,150 Points
  • Beta Critic 0
  • Beta Citizen 0
  • Beta Explorer 0
Reply
Otherworld Art (Art outside of Silent Hill)

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
//
//

// //

Have an account? Login Now!

//
//