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 Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:29 am
Removed the embarassing suckitude of this poem. XP
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:53 am
You definitely should proofread the little errors out. Other than that it's an ok poem.
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 2:08 pm
Sr. Chaos You definitely should proofread the little errors out. Other than that it's an ok poem. Merci.
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 2:13 pm
it's a good poem. some poems tend to meander from the main topic but you stuck to it well. I really like the repetition at the end.
- <3 rose <3 -
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:39 pm
That was cool. One thing though, just a suggestion (which you may either take seriously or beat me over the head about, I don't care0
But fr the line "Like A murder on a bleak September day" I would just take out the "A", because it threw me off when I read. You might try it and see how it fits.
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:15 pm
I thought this was quite good. Like bloody rose stated, you didn't deviate from the topic, which made it simple to read, and also made the little errors alot less annoying than they woul dhave been otherwise.
The repetition was okay, though I'm not a big fan of it. You used it well here.
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 4:09 pm
I thought this was a good piece, but could have been a bit better. The repetition was interesting at first, but later it just seemed like fluff. Also, this piece's rhythm was a bit weird, but you may have intended it to be that way. I do really like how you ended this piece, though the second to last stanza looks really weird as five lines instead of four. Overall, I think this was a pretty good piece.
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 8:12 am
verry nice.. the imagry was great... I haven't seen many poems that have a refrain or whatever you might call it.. I really liked it...
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:58 pm
I really liked the similes you used. You also did well in really building up the imagery in the reader mind. And there were some grammer errors but pretty good over all.
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Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 4:13 pm
That's nice1 I dunno why you don't like it... I especially like the repetition at the end! n_n
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 7:21 am
cyberwitch-2006 That's nice! I dunno why you don't like it... I especially like the repetition at the end! n_n Thanks. <3
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 3:21 pm
I dont' know why you hate it I loved it. It inspired my own poem. bloody green. tell me if you like.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:57 am
???
What happened to the vintage poem!!!
crying
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