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Guardian comin' soon...

R e S e R v E d

Before I go into any critiquing of what you have here, I believe you should consult Sunny (Sundragyn) about your concept. The reason I'm suggesting this is because Ghlyssa is the Earthkeeper, and thus has a strong connection with trees and the plant world. She can grow plants quickly and in her current plot, she's just turned into a tree. You need to check with her regarding any plant-based Fa'e otherwise you'll risk stepping on her toes.

Okay, so for the rest of the critique I'm going to assume you worked something out with Sunny and this is what you have. ^^

First: Why did her guardian name her Will? I know you know that she was a willow tree but her guardian doesn't know that. You need a solid reason why she's named Will, especially since Will is a boy's name and she isn't a tomboy by any stretch of the imagination. Moving into the appearance section: I don't see any appearance flaws. None. All I see is "she's got beautiful this and beautiful this and this looks really nice, etc." I see a lot of gold in your appearance too, despite the fact that you've got a Japanese mythbase. If I just looked at the appearance and not the myth I would never have guessed that your Fa'e came from an Asian culture, not to mention she was a tree. Aside from the branches in her hair there's really nothing that relates her back to the myth.

Onto the personality section. You've filled it out like a form. That's a good start, but you need to flesh this out a lot. Personality should be one of the biggest parts of your profile and is a key part of your concept.

THIS IS YOUR WARNING. IF YOU DO NOT WANT SOME RATHER HARSH CRITIQUE, PLEASE DO NOT READ.

I'm going to be completely, brutally honest with you and this point: From the character profile alone, your character looks like a Mary Sue. You said in the beginning that you wanted to give her "more depth" and I think you've only given her less depth. I'm going to pull your personality statements apart one by one and try and see if you can give more depth to the statement.

"To an extent. Will likes to look nice, like classy-nice. Not like, omigosh-I'm-super-duper-gorgeous-look-at-me-nice." <- So she has a sense of class. Why? Is it because of who her guardian is, or does she just like to look nice? Why does she like to look nice? What does "looking nice" mean to her? Does she ALWAYS have to look nice or does she just get dressed in the morning and forget about looking nice as the day goes on?

"She tries not to be, but it's hard for her to look gorgeous and not compliment herself." <- You just contradicted the statement above. You said that she likes to look nice but not gorgeous, yet she can't help but flatter herself. Never say "she can't help it." Never. I find those words all the time in the personality bits of a Mary Sue character. Do not give any excuses for her behaviour. She's vain, but she won't admit it? That's fine. She's vain, but who wouldn't be, especially since she's so gorgeous? Do not want. Seriously.

" Will is in-between. If it's hopeless, she's a total pessimist, but even if there's a slight chance of the situation turning out well, she's a total optimist." <- Don't sway. She is or she isn't. Pick one.

Skipping past the anger/sadness one (which needs to be elaborated) and onto the kindness part.

"Yes, Will is a super-awesome-kind girl. She will give money to the poor, donate kidneys, anything to help people in need." <- So now she's absolutely gorgeous, doesn't ever get angry, turns optimistic with a shred of hope AND she's a super-awesome-kind girl? What makes her kind? Did someone do something nice for her, or is she just naturally kind like that? If so, will she help everyone in need? Does she want to end world hunger or something like that? And what happens when people don't want her help? How does that make her feel? Does she persist? Are their limits to her generosity?

This is basically your character, as I see her now. The way I'm phrasing things is to show you why you're character is swaying dangerously close to being a Mary Sue. I am not making fun of you, simply showing you how your character comes off to me.

1. She's gorgeous. So gorgeous, in fact, that she shouldn't be considered narcissistic when she compliments herself because really, everyone should be complimenting her. Also, despite the fact that she's not athletic in the slightest, she's slender with beautiful curves. Did I mention her hair is beautiful too? Oh, and she's got gold in her hair and her eyes.

2. She is both an optimist and a pessimist. Any time the going gets tough and it seems like hope is lost she's waiting for her doom. But of course, in any situation where there is even a tiny shred of hope, she's the world's biggest optimist and will guide everyone to safety. She's book-smart and gets A's in her classes, so that'll save her for sure.

3. She never gets angry. Ever. But of course if you push her into the mud she'll start crying and lock herself in the bathroom and bawl her eyes out. She'll need "medicine" for this later, because she's really a closet depressive. But she's kind! Boy is she ever kind. She'd give both her kidneys if it meant she'd save Little Jimmy's life. Just don't scare her off or make her cry. That would be sad.

Do you see where I'm going with? If you were bringing you character in to interact with Will and read her personality would YOU know how she'd react to your character? There are no character flaws and no substance. You only talk about how great she is.

For your powers section, nix the empathy. One of the most abused powers, and one that has nothing to do with your mythbase.

Aaand, finally the myth: Why is she coming back? There's no sense of regret at the end of your story, no sense of betrayal or the need for her to come back and get revenge. What would make her soul linger, especially since she's been ditched by her husband and son?