That made me laugh out loud. Seriously. "Three minutes of torture noises"? Wtf? And yes, they are sooo much like Gwar: note the phallic references. Good lord, lady/dude.
This is why I loathe reviews. Especially of music. You can't judge something like that! It's different for everybody! Just because one critic doesn't like it, they go ahead and call it crap and other potential fans that might like it a lot avoid it. Effing critics.