AuroraCelestine
Hmm, very interesting. I'm really intrigued now. smile
One thing that bothers me a bit, is that Marilyn seemed to be a little too trusting if the situation. I mean, for all that she knows, Julie is the kidnapper. She certainly was able to get Marilyn into a car alone with her without much effort.
Might want too adress that. Unless it is a part of Marilyn's character to be extremely trusting.
Another thing, how about you describe what the Adults were doing while Marilyn was playing with the bookmark. Were they saying anything, or were they just sitting there akwardly?
Also, describe the car that they are driving away in. Was it old and beat up, which tells the reader that Marilyn's familly is either a low income household or a middle class family.
Or is it fancier, which suggests that they are richer than most people.
One thing that bothers me a bit, is that Marilyn seemed to be a little too trusting if the situation. I mean, for all that she knows, Julie is the kidnapper. She certainly was able to get Marilyn into a car alone with her without much effort.
Might want too adress that. Unless it is a part of Marilyn's character to be extremely trusting.
Another thing, how about you describe what the Adults were doing while Marilyn was playing with the bookmark. Were they saying anything, or were they just sitting there akwardly?
Also, describe the car that they are driving away in. Was it old and beat up, which tells the reader that Marilyn's familly is either a low income household or a middle class family.
Or is it fancier, which suggests that they are richer than most people.
Ok I made a few changes and Marilyn is a very trusting person as you will find out later^^
