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 Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:45 am
Does mother always know best? Honestly.
Sometimes the two couples I nanny for make me feel like I have no clue what I'm talking about when it comes to their kids. I only spend 50 hours a week with them, we're practically strangers! [/sarcasm]
I tried talking to my own mom about how they don't take what I say to heart and her reply was, "Well Ami, they're not your kids, so you have to deal."
Shouldnt what I say have some merit to it? Or do moms feel their caretakers "just don't know how it is?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:47 am
pardon my little vent, its been a long afternoon.
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:48 am
I definately think what you say has merit! Parents listen to a teacher when their kids go to school, don't they? Well, for the most part at least.
I was reading in Tommy's Developmental Psych book and it said that like kids spend 30% of their time with caretakers and like a little more than 30% with their parents (full time workers) and I know that includes sleeping. eek
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:56 am
lunashock I definately think what you say has merit! Parents listen to a teacher when their kids go to school, don't they? Well, for the most part at least. I was reading in Tommy's Developmental Psych book and it said that like kids spend 30% of their time with caretakers and like a little more than 30% with their parents (full time workers) and I know that includes sleeping. eek I feel sometimes that I might be looking at a situation a little more objectivley than them since their not my own. For example the one mother of the 9 mnth old boy I watch has cuddled him to sleep everyday since he was born. When summer started I asked if we could try letting him go to sleep on his own. It was getting hotter and cuddleing a sweaty baby to sleep is no fun. Sure he'd cry, but once he didn't have the option of mommy's or my arms, he'd know it was time for bed. Right? Everything was going awesome for the first week until she caved. Her excuse was that her and daddy's heart broke when they heard him cry like that. It was "too much". So I had to go back to the old ways. It wouldn't be fair to him to be confused like that. But it really discouradged me because here he is, 9 month odl and can't get to sleep with out help. stressed
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:59 am
*hugs* I bet it can be a hard thing to juggle the parents' thoughts and yours as well.
But is it fair to you to have to cuddle the baby to sleep when you have other things to do as well? I agree, the child shouldn't be confused like that. I know crying it out isn't easy for a parent, but it can be helpful. Children have to learn to go to sleep on their own.
I wish I had some great advice for you, but I'm not good at it. Vent away! biggrin
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 12:13 pm
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 5:53 pm
I feel the same way about this as i do about working as a cook. I enjoy cooking, but if i did it as "work" it wouldn't be fun anymore...
I enjoy being with young kids... but taking care of them in a professional sesnse would just turn me off them...
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 9:34 am
I would tell the parents that if they want you to continue to watch their child, that they need to realize that they can't cuddle their child 24/7 and that they are making things harder than they need to be. If they get on the defensive and say "Well then I guess we'll have to get a new sitter", tell them that if that's how they're going to deal with the reality of their actions, so be it, but no other sitter would deal with this same situation either and that sometimes you have to deal with a crying baby whether you want to or not because they need to learn how to soothe themselves at some point and nod off to sleep on their own, and let them know that you are willing to help them during the day, but they have to do THEIR SHARE and continue during the night instead of constantly caving in and making things more difficult.
What I wound up doing when I was getting my girls ready for sleep in the crib *mine were about 3-4 months*, I would put them in the crib while they were still awake but showing signs that they were tired and either sing lullabye's to them or get one of those soft toys with a pull string that you pull to play music and tie it to the bottom of the crib *so that the little one doesn't get ahold of it* and just grab a chair, sit beside the crib, stroke the little one's hair and use your other hand to pull the cord to play the music and just keep on reassuring the baby with soft soothing words and/or noises *shh...mmmm...etc*. If the baby likes being swaddled *my youngest STILL loves to be covered by a blanket smile *, then put the blanket in the crib and then put the baby ontop and pull over the blanket to swaddle him.
Yes, it's heartbreaking at first to hear the baby cry, but soon you realize that you're not going to get a decent night's sleep if you don't get the little one to nod off on it's own. YOU do not have to put up with this inconsistency...it's not fair to you, but it's REALLY unfair for the child, and the longer they put this off, the worse it will be for them AND for you, so you have to think to yourself...if they refuse to do what is needed, do you honestly want to have to deal with the consequences of their actions? Or can you find someone else to sit for?
I'd like to think that the parents would be at least willing to try instead of doing the "Oh I can't deal with the crying"....parenting is not easy, and there will be times when you have to let them cry a bit in order for them to become better adjusted to sleep on their own.
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 9:57 am
Parents are entitled to raise their children as they desire, and most of the time, the rest of us have absolutely no say in the matter. Them's the ropes, I suppose... Yes, there are things that almost everyone would do differently, but perhaps there's things they are doing differently that you would never consider? Unless it causes the child physical, psychological, or emotional harm, is it really that bad of a thing?
We really aren't in the position to TELL other parents how to do things. Put yourself in their shoes, but change the situation. How would you feel if someone made you hold writing utensils in a different way because they think its better? Made you wear certain shoes? Eat certain brand foods? I dunno about the rest of you, but I would be somewhat offended if someone tried to control such aspects of my life, even the trivial ones. I'm sure that if I were a parent, I'd feel the same way.
At home, I tend to raise my little brother differently than my father. I'm effectively the "bad guy", that is, I have stricter rules and I discipline him more readily. My father probably wouldn't punish him until he starts lighting stuff on fire or something equally dangerous/destructive. So when I tend to tell Chris no, our father tends to override my decisions. It royally p*ss*s me off, but Chris is HIS son, not mine. In the end, its his decisions, and I can't do a bloody thing about it.
So my overall advice would be to simply advise the parents in your situation, either talking about your experience or those of others you've heard of (such as the rest of us in the GPG). Don't TELL them, just offer the advice to them. If they don't want to take it, they don't want to take it. Its that simple. *shrugs*
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