|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 10:10 pm
I can't believe the stupid s**t that comes out of your mouth,
The angry words and useless arguements,
you repeat endlessly,
You're so concerned with who I am,
What about who I want to be?
I have my hopes,
My Dreams,
My wants,
I can't take yours on top of that,
I can't live my life to your ******** rules,
I can't force myself to do that;
You pontificate on from your high pedestal,
Spouting more bullshit than ever before,
I'm not your pawn,
your chesspeice to direct,
I won't justify myself by your standards,
I've grown up more than that;
I've grown tired of your sermons,
What will you say about that?
Very catharcic, screaming out in poetry like that...
comment if you like, I needed to get that off my chest.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 4:49 pm
It's not a bad poem. I can feel the frustration behind it. But if you're serious about making it an real poem - you originally wrote it down to blow off steam, and now you want to make it a writing piece - my advice would be to replace the swear words. Cuss words can be filled with power and feeling, but you've got a few too many for one poem in here.
It's not bad, though. And it's a good way to "get it off of your chest."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 5:19 pm
Aloysia Bloodfur It's not a bad poem. I can feel the frustration behind it. But if you're serious about making it an real poem - you originally wrote it down to blow off steam, and now you want to make it a writing piece - my advice would be to replace the swear words. Cuss words can be filled with power and feeling, but you've got a few too many for one poem in here.
It's not bad, though. And it's a good way to "get it off of your chest." Thanks~ I just really wanted to vent! I've found that writing helps me vent... Thanks for not giving me a sermon on my language use- I've been cussing since kindergarten with no plans to change~
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
