Welcome to Gaia! ::

Well, here I am to vent again. But I need some release somewhere, somehow. I've just been shaken up today, and it's not for the first time, and I know it won't be for the last. I always want to say something, and I usually keep it in.

I'm letting it out now. I will not be defeated by fear. I refuse.

I have had several friends tell me all throughout my lifetime, and even people I've never met before, on the Internet, just talking on the side of the street, or whatever, and they are all hurting so deeply. I never know what to say to them because I'm scared of saying the wrong thing.

I can't be afraid any more, because there are literally lives out there which depend on my strength, whether they know it or not. Whether in a small way, or a large one.

People have told me about their hurts, about their childhood, about being abused, neglected, betrayed by the people in their lives who should have loved them. These people are scared and hurting, and every single one whom I have spoken to have told me things freely, no restraints, no candy-coating, about how they feel, and what thoughts they have sometimes entertained.

I was told by one person he would have killed someone who hurt a friend of his, but when he thought of me, he couldn't go through with it.

I knew a few students at school who committed suicide before the school year was over.

I have lived my entire life with peers who were physically or sexually abused, some even many, many times. I am even one of those.

I have been told by a friend that if it hadn't been for my friendship with her, she would have killed herself while she was in school. In fact, it has happened twice with two different people.

Over the past two or three years some people have confided in me that they are hurting so much that they feel as though they have to end it all. I have had family members even say the same thing.

Can you blame me if I'm terrified every time I hear this? Every time I see it written in someone's status on Gaia, or in an email, or when they speak to me in real life, can you blame me for being scared every time it happens?

I can't pick out who really means what they say and who doesn't. I don't know how many were serious or just looking for attention. I am not gifted with such intuition.

And if I say the wrong thing to people in such situations, I hope they understand that I am really, really sorry for it. I don't ever want to exacerbate the problem. I want to be the person you can talk to without fear. No restraints, no hesitation, no candy-coating, no nothing.

But it doesn't have to be me. It can be anyone who is trustworthy, someone who values you, your life, your opinions, your ideals. Someone who respects you. Someone who supports you. What I want everyone who reads this and is hurting to understand there are answers, and there is a peaceful way out. You just have to seek those answers out, and don't give up until you find them. They are there. They really are there for you.

I know what you mean people who hurt are always wanting to find some one they trust.. my mother and I can be at the mall and the clerk opens up and tells us their life story. Folks can since you have good inside. just listing to them and tell them your not a preferential but will suggest something but its always better to seek a 2nd opinion from a pro.

Yeah, sorry for being so random. If they had a PM function on Facebook like they do on Gaia to go with the friend request, I would have given you a message for a heads-up.

And Spirit, I agree. I think I should start using that disclaimer when I talk to people from now on. XD

(Parallel Mercury here under another account ^^ )

I know it is a bit delayed but I really wanted to respond to this. For most of my life I have often felt overwhelmed by being around deep pauin or emotion. I even dislike being close to people who are very angry because I just don’t know how to handle that aort of strong depth of extreme emotion. I find that I am somewhat afraid of it, and that it is overwhelming for me. I’m the kind of girl that almost never gets angry, and hates to cause conflict even if it means that I let someone walk all over me because I feared facing emotional turmoil. If I saw someone crying in the bathroom, I feared going to them and getting involved because I didn’t know how to handle it, or if I could handle it. So I really find a common chord in what you have said.

I too have been at a loss when friends or even strangers have revealed things so troubling I could have just cried on the spot and I have often been at a loss for what to say because I cannot imagine going through what they have, or are going through. But I am starting to realize something. We all affect each other much more than we know and it goes both ways like ripples on water. You can hurt, help, inspire, or discourage sometimes by just being nearby and being an example without even knowing it at all. Everything is interconnected. Yeah I know that has been said before but it is one thing to hear it and another to come to understand it.

Recently I have had to do a lot of growing and a lot of confronting fears like these. My husband’s half brother at age 12 was living in an abusive home with his mom after his father died. As we got to know James, he slowly revealed to us what was going on and it became more and more obvious that his mother was coming undone mentally as well as under the influence of substance abuse. We tried to find other ways to help him, because we have never been parents before, and she would not let him go voluntarily but it became obvious one night with a frantic phone call from James that a stand had to be taken. Me and my husband together had to involve the police, and child protective services, and go there to take a stand against her to rescue the children from the home. Even with the police there, she was drunk, and belligerent and even tried to run out of her house and attack us physically. It was probably the scariest thing I have ever had to do, to stand there, remain calm, and do what had to be done in the face of such emotional and physical turmoil. Luckily it ended well with both children doing much better now but the bottom line is that fear can cause you not to do something that might really help someone down the line, even if it is a very small thing.

There is a saying from Dune that I try to remember when I am frightened. Maybe it will help you too.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.[2

Fear really is the “mind’killer”. I just love that line. Fear keeps you from thinking clearly and doing what you need to do. It can also cause you to react in a knee-jerk way and even cause harm because you are afraid. Having fear is natural and it warns you to tread carefully, but you can’t let it control you or stop you from being who you are.

And as for what to say when people reveal their inner pain, sometimes just that you listen is enough. Sometimes you need to be blunt and try to get them to seek help, if it is dangerous, and other times it is enough that you are a friend even if you don’t have all the answers. I’m not saying you will always have the right words, in fact I feel like I seldom do myself. You can only do what you can, know that you cannot fix everything, and hope for the best in each situation.

Please don’t take me the wrong way. There are still things that scare me, and sometimes every fiber of my being wants to run for the hills at times, but I think knowing how fear can affect you and hold you back is a big step forward. Another thing is to accept. Sometimes bad things happen. You can’t control everything that happens and you can’t soothe the hurts of the entire world. You are just one small ripple in a very big ocean. But there is another quote I like to think about. It’s from Mother Theresa and it says, ”We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love.”