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Gemini (May 23-June 22):

The spare personality living in your closet could use some relaxation time this week. Give him a bath in milk dust and paint his toes with an olive pit. He will thank you by converting your front door to a concrete effigy of Celine Dion, which can help prevent tooth decay.

Wow.. Interesting.. xD

I wish lav will make more^^

true..hm...I'd take over but i suck at writing horoscope sweatdrop

Horoscope for the Month of August, 2007

Leo (July 23-August 22):

After a long shocked silence, the Asian pear that attacked you last week will make amends by shoving a grape up your nose. Show gratitude despite its manifold orifices of jellied purple olives and receive a crystal clam for your patience. Be reverent, but don't glue your eyes shut just yet.

Virgo (August 23-September 22):

The ability to sub-divide kumquats into colloidal ooze is strong now. It's a great time to squeeze more deeply that hot-pink squid that appeals to your uncle's left nose wart. Whether green on the face or weeding your knees, now is the time for you to finish that clot of angry shells.

Libra (September 23-October 22):

You're all full of insouciant bees this month. If you can't have your peppered slugs and eat them, try applying a scrupulous elephant seal to your house chores -- you'll be amazed at how this improves your secondary eyesight in your left toe.

Scorpio (October 23-November 22)

On a day like yesterday, angel-shoe kelp will paint your house in feral rats. You're going to have to accept that that incurvate Botswanian moon-cutter just isn't coming back. Expect a fair amount of lardy monkeys in your knife drawer but don't let them eat your Crisco hat.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22):

Holy canolies! Your snails are more important than you realize right now, so grow your best set of toe hangers. Filing down your platypus would be best right but don't overdo that cream-filled chinchilla. If it doesn't make pot pie now, it never will.

Capricorn (December 23-January 22):

Spend some quality time with frozen chewed bubblegum, even if you have to cancel your next coal-snorting lesson. A little red moss spread never hurt anyone, but panicked cheese can leave scars so don't eat it alone with pickled lichens.

Aquarius (January 23-February 22):

Your mind is solidly on your wardrobe of candied hams right now, but you may have to give up that duckweed sock-scrubber. Dog-furred rocks with Master's degrees are uncommon but make a lovely addition to your collection of freeze-dried ferrets.

Pisces (February 23-March 22):

Take some time off to discover what its really like to baste a thankful outhouse. A pretty good toilet brush may seize you today, but don't let that make you go too easy on your soggy toadstools. They need some discipline (or at least a good marinating).

Aries (March 23-April 22):

The next appellated goose might get a bit frustrating for you, since there's so much pig feet in your hair. That's how it should to be for now, until that helping of aggravated cnidarians gets over it anger at sealing your toes together.

Taurus (April 23-May 22):

You and your hungry jackelope could get into a pretty intense bath of leeks today, so be ready for the first sign of mutilated oranges. There's no need to pickle those cherried wombats any further they're willing to go.

Gemini (May 23-June 22):

It's a great day to throw yourself into a vat of eels or some kind of coalescing sponges. Your way with kiwis, already highly refined, is perfect shoveling that statue of dredels, which can improve the spine's ability to imitate a warting owl.

Cancer (June 23-July 22):

Though you may be feeling quantum fluxual and secure in your last chart of squealing snowballs, now is not the time to pare your emotional pebbles into brussel sprouts. Leave them to the howling toothbrush under your sink, but don't forget your chest-hair muffins.

yeah, but then nobody read them~ gonk crying