Welcome to Gaia! ::

Yup. That's how we made tea every day during the summer when I lived in Tennessee. We lived next to a stream, so there were lots of mosquitos, but it was worth it to get a jarful of lightning bugs.

Okay, since this seems to be a semi-personal thread, I'd just like to extend this into the general wave of guild consciousness.

I'm depressed. Like, hurt myself depressed. And the worst part is...

I can't figure out why.

I don't have alcoholic parents. I don't have abusive ones. They're pretty permissive, even if I flunk an entire semester of community college. My sister is mentally handicapped, but it's been that way my entire life, so, y'know, not really an issue. My mom just finished her PhD, my dad has a job at the same university, my best friend is about to graduate and she was originally a grade behind me...

I've quit nearly all of my classes this semester, well, the actually academic ones anyway. I still have Women's Self-Defense (maybe) and Swing Dance, but those aren't going to get me into a UC. (Yeah, I'm from California.)

But the thing is, I fully intended to complete this semester. That was the plan from the start. Slowly but surely, I started attending classes less and less frequently. And then I stopped going to three of them altogether. The worst part is, people liked me in there. They thought I was smart and insightful because I made a point to be vocal and involved in the class. And I work at the library on campus. So anyone from any of those classes I dropped could come by and see that, indeed, I was still alive and kicking. And several do, just because they're worried about me.

So why do I feel so worthless? Is it because I'm overweight but don't look it while dressed, so everyone tells me I'm perfectly skinny? Is it because my boyfriend of three years has talked about marrying me for two of them and still hasn't even gotten a ring? Is it because I've found that regular classes are so boring I can't get up the will to go, but incredibly short summer/winter classes are oodles of fun because they're so concentrated? Or is it because I can't write anymore?

I have a five page paper due before June, and I can't get beyond a paragraph. I used to write elegant seventeen page papers that recieved A's and were a joy for teachers to read (even if they had only called for 7 pages or so). I used to write beautiful stories, some going up to fifty pages single-spaced. I used to want to be a writer. Now I'm an artist, and I can't think in anything but pictures. Each line, each detail makes perfect sense, and I could describe a picture for you in great detail. But writing coherent plot or even a book review-esque paper seems to be out of the question.

Just thought I'd add my mindless angst. Will delete if there was a post back there that said no angst. This is not a "i won't be here tomorrow, blargh blargh i am so emogoth i am a little teapot" post. I've got enough help and I don't do things as rashly as it might sound. I'm a Taurus for crying out loud. We don't ever do things in a timely way! I think I just want someone's opinion who isn't involved, which is why I'm opening it up to you folks.

no golden laurels, and I haven't really gone through what I received yet

Munie, you may want to consider seeing professional help with your depression. A real psychiatrist or psychologist will be able to pin point your exact cause of depression and give you the proper treatment. Whether it is as simple as needing some sessions to discuss your life a and helping you sort out your feeling to something as serious as having a chemical imbalance and needing to take a prescription, they will be able to help you more than any of us amateurs.

As for my amateur diagnosis, razz I think you need to take a good long reflective look upon your life and make a few realizations. One of which is to recognize that you are not as fat as you think you are and even if you are a little over weight it is not a big deal, especially if others are saying you look good. To me it also seems as though you feel your life is getting stagnant, that it is at a stand still and you don't know what it is you should be doing or where you are going.

If school is not doing anything for you, then maybe you should think about holding off on taking classes till you figure out what you want to be doing. Sit down and think hard about what kind of job or career you want, maybe it is something that doesn't require a lot of extra curriculum and so you can take your college courses a little easier. The only think I can tell you is that it is a lot easier to get hired if you have at least a BA.

Finally, stop sitting around and waiting for your boyfriend to propose! This is the 21st century you don't have to sit on your hands waiting for your man to pop the question, wondering if he ever is even going to ask you to merry him. Take some decisive action and propose to him, you don't even need to get a ring or anything just straight up say to him "lets get married." Make sure he knows you are serious let him know you want to be officially engaged and that you want to start moving on with your life. It sounds like he already does want to get married, so after you have your discussion about it you two can finally start preparing for it seriously, first by going out and getting an engagement ring.

If and when you do finally get engaged, just try and not rush into a wedding too fast. There are a lot of couples that still wait at least a year after then engagement. Weddings are expensive and take a lot of planning. One thing I do recommend, if you have not already done so, is to live with your boyfriend before you actually do get married. There are a lot of things that you learn about someone that you never did before when you live with them and can help you see someone in a different light.

Oh and don't worry about angst. Part of the reason this thread exists is to help people vent then frustration without cluttering up the front page with a new thread every time they want to rant. xp

Stupid spell check xd I also just got up, still a little groggy. Thanks for pointing it out.

Edit: You are thinking of an armoire, by the way. Which is a type of closet. Apperently an armature is the spinning part of an electromagnent.

There doesn't need to be a why.

The thing is, some of us are just wired (partly from birth, partly from mental and behavioral habits we have learned) to fall down into deep foggy mental holes.

It happens. The question is, what do you do about it? I'll leave that to you. I turned away from social things and toward the internet, toward isolation, toward suicide, toward alcohol, toward poorly thought-out relationships. I'm no role model.

*head inflates*

Several posts back..I said I was going to the Explosive Detection Trials.....and....

OH MY F***ING GOD.....I got 1ST PLACE!!! Out of ten dogs and I got the highest score of 81 and the second highest was 52 >.>

And I was the youngest with the least trained dog in that field!