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Though Nanako's emotional response matched the feverent determination with which Kai had spoken, it was perhaps not the reaction he had expected. Kai was completely disarmed by Nanako's advance as she seemed to casually slip into his personal space and attached herself to his torso. She pressed herself gently against him, her small frame reaching only as high as his chest. All his nerves recoiled at her action, his mind screamed for him to back away, and his heartbeat speed up just that much faster.

Kai felt Nanako's body go rigid and her breathing became quicker...the tell tale signs of anxiety. She was waiting for him. Waiting to see what he would do....but what was he supposed to do? What was the right thing to do? And it just so happened that through the cracks in his stoney heart filtered the one question he had never truely asked himself... What do I want to do?

Slowly Kai wound his arms protectively around Nanako, returning her embrace with his own. The feel of her tucked safely close to his heart seemed right, some how. A thousand feelings and fears washed through him. The thought of losing her to the battle against the Shadow was first and foremost in his mind. But that didn't matter right now, because he finally understood that no matter how long you live, its what you do with your life that makes it worth anything at all.

A new door had opened for Kai. He had not so much changed as he had accepted that despite the world's seemingly excess of darkness and injustice, there was a possiblity of hope no matter where you looked. It was to this possiblity that the group of adventurers clung when surrounded by their enemies or threatened by overwhleming odds. A hope that, he now saw, they were all searching for. Perhaps he had found his.

Kai took a deep breathe and searched himself for a moment. With a new perspective on himself, he took a moment to reorginize his prorities which, in the light now shed by his new-found emotions, were sadly lacking. Kai spoke to Nanako without releasing her.
"I've never felt for anyone before, not really. I'm afriad I don't know how. But I'm done measuring myself by what I've done. Somewhere in there, I think I can find room to do something I've never done before. And if I am as smart as I think I am, I won't have to do it alone...that is, of course, if you are feeling for me what I think I am feeling for you?"

Sograel nodded. "They probably want to know what the great Kurai Sedai has been up to." He led her back out into the openness of the camp. "So who is it that you would want to see first?"

Sograel grinned. "Nonsense I'm sure you're very great indeed. You just have to wait for your chance to show it. Ummm... ok Tarma that was... that one over there, right?" He pointed over to the woman walked alone towards the buildings the Asha'man had built. "Well we'll go see if she needs anything. After you." He was smart enough to know to let Kurai be going in front. Best not to let the others think that she was being meek by following around Sograel all the time.

Kai laughed and rolled his eyes.
"Is that it, then. You care about me?" He didnt know it would sting him so much to hear how casually she said it. "This isnt about how you see me or how you judge me. I told you that because I wanted you to know. I wanted to know how you felt about me! What do you feel every time you look at me?" Kai gently disengaged from their embrace and held her at arms length.

"Blood and bloody ashes. I've known you for a matter of weeks and already I'm a different person for it. Every feeling I have ever allowed myself to feel before now is a a drop of water next to an ocean in comparison with what I am feeling right now. My chest is about to burst because I didnt even know I could feel like this. Don't you get it, Nanako?" His next words caught in his throat and escaped as a chuckle. He looked away for a moment and composed himself before looking back, waiting till his eyes met hers once again. She could see his grey eyes contrasting his youthful face with their aged and hardened look. He could see her beautiful, vibrant blue eyes peering back at him as he searched her face for any indication of what was inside her mind.
"Light, Nanako, I love you."

Nanako struggled to pull away, but Kai held his hands firmly on her shoulders. Stuck facing a difficult situation, Nanako began to tremble and Kai saw the fight against the fear. It was not the reaction he wanted and rather disheartening. As the silence stretched on, Kai's hope began to sink.

"Is that it then? Don't you feel anything at all?" Kai asked. "Its not so hard to believe that on some level, you feel the same way for me. This has been growing all the time we have spent together. Every day we were at your old village we spent together. But you must have felt something. And maybe those feelings scare you. I can't say I blame you. Niether of us have had any good come from them." His own words brought a new understanding of the situtation. Kai let his hands drop from her shoulders and his face become a mixture of anger and pity.

"Its about him isnt it?" Kai asked, the noun he had placed for the despicable villian from Nanako's past all but flying from his lips like poison.

Kai didnt need an answer. He already knew.

"Then fine, you can do that! You can choose to loose yet another part of yourself to whatever vile creature tortured you for those years of your life. And believe me, I am not being harsh here. I cannot begin to imagine what you went through, what it felt like. But I have finally begun to realize whats been happening to me since I met you. And, damnit, I care too much for you to let the pain and suffering he caused you destroy the person you are. I don't want to see him have yet another small victory over you. He tore your heart to pieces and shattered your confidence. If you can't bring yourself to put those pieces back together, then you aren't truely free of him yet." Kai's accusing tone shift into one of strength and conviction.
"But I think you're strong enough to beat whatever lingering fears he left you with. The damage is deep but not irrepairible. And if you want, I can help you. I can't fight your battles for you, but I can make sure you dont need to fight them alone. Or at the very least, I can assure you that I will always be on your side. The others may think you're simple and innocent, but there are many sides to you that I am sure you haven't shown anyone. No one can go through that and remain untouched. Still, I bet its very lonely inside those dark places in your heart. I know it...I have my own. Maybe its time we let someone in?"

Kai took her hand in both of his, his hand caressing hers slightly before giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"As a healer you have a special gift for mending wounds, maybe its time you let someone mend yours."

Kai felt her wieght against him and he gently held her from falling.
"Don't hate yourself for being afraid, Nanako." Kai said, remembering his own years of denying it. "It reminds you that you are human. Whatever happened, whatever he did and everything that he made you do...it changed you. Yes, it scared you and it left its scars, It changed you. But you can change back! And this time, you can choose where you go and what you do."

At first, he hadn't been sure that he believed what he was saying. He knew its what she wanted to hear. Yet, as he kept speaking, he began to understand that part of himself that had been denied its existence. It was the place from whence all true purpose and strength flowed. As he embraced his own words, something stirred within him and new strength flourished in that sour and gloomy fortress of his heart.

"Be scared, but don't let it stop you. We have each other now, and we can keep each other strong. We can give each other hope. Hope to get up and go on, because its only when we give up that we are truely defeated." Kai brought his hand to her cheek. He wiped a stray tear that had been running down her face, then, in one smooth motion, tilted her head up and brushed away her hair.
"In times like these, you'll find many men willing to die for you. Every one of the Aes Sedai has a warder-puppet for that very purpose. But for you, Nanako, and only you, I will endure our battles and live, because you, this love I feel for you, and everything about you, gives that life meaning..." Kai's strong voice faltered and trailed off. It a milder tone he continued. "And it flaming scares me to, but blood and bloody ashes I'm not going to let that stop me. Never again...not while I have you."