Welcome to Gaia! ::

I was mostly just posting it so everyone would know I was actually working on it instead of just saying I was. sweatdrop

... Alright. You asked for it.

I have a Quantum p***s. I blame God, mostly. But I also blame brussel sprouts and in one moment of weakness I blamed walnuts. Regardless, it's the start of my tale...

Or is it the end? I mean... It exists both now, and then, and in the future. It sort-of occupies all time and space, and yet none of it simultaneously. You can only measure it one aspect at a time, and even then? How do you know measuring it didn't cause that result in the first place?

I mean really - how do you know?!

I mean, right now? My p***s is in your ear. It's also in the Queen of England, on Jupiter and in the very center of the Sun. It's in 1799, and in 2015 and as we speak I could be having sex with literally every object in the universe that ever was and ever will be and I would never know.

It is. Because like... I meet people, right? And I have to ask them if I'm their dad cause I just don't know. I mean, at best, we can run probabilities for it. There's a 70% chance it's right in front of me where it's supposed to be, but there's a 30% chance it's somewhere else.

Fortunately, if you can run the numbers and then indicate to someone that you are, in actuality, having sex with them, even if they don't know, usually they'll do the rest of the work for you.

I mean, to be honest, my part in the porn was inconsequential. I mean, we don't really know where my p***s was at the time, but the fact of the matter was, that there were 8 women who were convinced (and/or were being paid to act like) I was having sex with them.

It lead to a whole series of spin-offs... There was the, "Not even paying attention to the women while disco-dancing" porn, and the "The whole crowd has an orgy at a concert" porn and then there was that movie with John Travolta. You know the one.

Yeah, I claim credit for that.

It might be hard to get bored, but I think it's safe to say I'm always tired. I mean, in a very real sense, I've been having sex since the beginning of time and unto the end of time, pretty much in every position and every place in the universe, you know?

Besides, it's kind-of unnerving if you think about it too hard. I mean really? Right now? I'm having sex with myself. How awkward is that?

No joke. I don't even know you that well.

But hey! On the brightside, I could also be having sex with Shakira right now.

too bad Shakira is a highly inconsiderate lover.

heart