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 Posted: Sun May 20, 2012 9:26 pm
A Blonde calls up her friend and askes her if she can come over and help her with this awesome puzzle she just got. Well, the friend fugured "Hey, I'm pretty good at puzzles, so what have I got to loose." The friend goes over to her Blonde friend's house and tells her to take her to the puzzle. The blonde takes her friend into the kitchen and asks the blonde what the puzzle was supposed to be a picture of. The Blonde replied "a tiger". The friend looks at the box the Blonde showed her. The friend said "well, 2 things: #1, this puzzle will NEVER look like a tiger, and #2, put all of the Frosted Flakes back in the box.
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Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 1:40 am
x-Ohh Becki xxtam Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday. I don't get it.. Bob's wife wanted a sports car which goes really fast, but instead Bob got her a bathroom scale, which showed her, her weight which was apparently 200. And she kicked Bob out of the house or something? lol
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Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 1:50 am
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice from the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty, and wrinkled"
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Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 1:51 am
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
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Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 7:09 am
The teacher was asking here students "How many letters are in the alphabet?". A student said "18". The teacher said "Why 18?" The student said "Because ET left in a UFO and was chased by the CIA".
rofl
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Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 6:03 pm
Congratulations to our winners! 3nodding
10k mad xtam
5k: -Crankin-you up, mycooldog
Keeeeep them coming ;3!!
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jmbkat14 rolled 1 6-sided dice:
2
Total: 2 (1-6)
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Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 4:32 pm
here is the best joke i know!
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 5:22 pm
Guy: I'm so upset. No woman seems that I'm attracted.
The therapist told him to do something and several weeks later, he came back with a depressed face.
Therapist: Did it not work?
Guy: It worked all right.
Therapist: Then what's your problem?
Guy: I don't have a problem, my wife does.
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Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 8:00 pm
So a man walks into a bar and says....
......"ow"
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Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 1:35 pm
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it
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Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 1:39 pm
A blonde entered a store looking for curtains, she found some she liked and said Id like to buy these. "What size do you need" asked the salesmen "15" replied the blode. "that sounds pretty small, what are they for?" said the salesmen. "my computer monitor" said the blonde. "But miss computers dont need curtains!" exclaimed the salesmen. the blonde said "HELOOOO Ive got windows!!"
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Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 7:11 pm
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
Hahaha ;3
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:35 am
Yo mama so stupid she tripped on a wireless cord smile
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:24 am
Here are some bar jokes..
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:"One beer please,and one for the road."
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 2:12 pm
A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hey , could I get a beer please" The bartender lookds at him shaking his head and says, "we dont serve food here"
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