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 Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 10:03 pm
 I used to be like that, always blaming myself for things that happened then I realized I don't control what happens. I have a slight part like say if someone offers me cake I can control whether I say yes or no but I can't control if the cake's icing is bad and makes me sick. There's some things you just can't blame yourself for because it's bound to happen anyways.
Course there is one thing to this day I still regret and I think the guild captain thinks I've let go of this... Story Time! One day a friend of mine n Akilla's (technically his friend that I became friends with) came on and told me he heard of something bad that was going to happen to Akilla because someone was planning something and it was planned for that day. So when Akilla was going to leave to go see this person I tried to stop him and so did our friend. But we both gave up and let him go. Luckily he survived because we (mainly our friend since he lives there) were able to stop things before it got worse. But I still to this day blame myself for giving up so easily. The what ifs go through my head of all what if I wouldn't have given up so easily maybe it wouldn't of happened at all because he would have changed his mind. but you know I don't know that and I never will know that.
Self harm is never a good idea as I'm discovering the scars become awkward and there's better ways. If you do it for the pain like I did try the elastic band thing (I never tried it but it supposedly works really well. I had akilla talk me out of hurting myself so I never got to try that). If you do it to get out feelings of anger or frustration try taking an empty box like a kleenex box or something and stab it with something non sharp like a butter knife.
That is all I can say to help. the story didn't really help tho.
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 7:57 pm
BUt then I come along and say I should have known the icing was bad, because the first bite tasted off but I was to proud to say anything about it.
As for injuring myself, I do it for the control, I hate the pain, it's just well it hurts. But I can control, everything with that. Sure there are other things that could be controlled, like for instance any collection, that can be organized, and constantly maintained. I just [prefer this, and I can't say I'm safe, because it never is.
But where I do it, is safer, than traditional places like arteries, or what have you. as for anger issues I already do exactly that, I infact buy tissue boxes so I can mutilate them with a knife, or what ever I happen to grab first.
as for what happened to killa, I on't even know what it is, but I'm sorry for it, and hate the part of hmanity that tried to do it. I probably hated that part anyway, but still.
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:36 pm
That's the thing with life there's so many debates and counter debates.
I once had an eating disorder partially for the control and partially because my ex boyfriend constantly told me I was fat and about all the imperfections my body had so I hated my body and started eating very little. I kinda became a neat freak to stop having an eating disorder. Instead of controling how I looked or rather trying too I controlled how neat all my stuff was. I still do it you'll rarely see my bedroom or desk or anything of the sort messy. I'll let it get a little messy but I always clean it when I want control, if it's clean I'll reorganise it or something. Anything to give me a feeling of control.
I cut my arm not my wrist it was safer but not any healthier.
Yeah killa is a nice, amazing, awesome guy. He's been through so much s**t and I regret not being there for him more then I was. I was always too consumed with my own problems to help/care about his too.
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:23 am
theres always so many counter debates, and I'm regretably the kind of person who will alwayschoose to take a counter debate so I'm the one to blame.
I also tried having control by cleaning, but then it alwys was bugging me, and I cant find what it was but my room bugs me less if it's all chaotic, and disorderly. as for imperfections, I have the same problems, I'm overweight, I'm to tall, I have to wear pants, and a hoodie partially because I like hoodies and because I have scars on both my arms and legs, I then have to deal with the constant insults of "dyke" and things like that.
ya, I'll just try and stop there before I get into a whole rant which actualy belongs to athe shrink I want to see, but am to afraid t ask for. dmanit, no I'm stopping again.
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:56 am
Just go to the councelor or something. I had to convince my parents I needed one and phone them myself and everything but in the end it helped.
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:55 pm
Warning: linkin park is awesome 123. Failing to read stickies, failing to meet minimum posting requirements, failing to post in proper forum.
I'm not positive about the last, but the first two are there. LadyV
`-`-`-`-`-
AlsoI'm seeing my school shrink, and she's somewhat helpful, but she probably won't be there today, as her son was sick on friday.
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Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:20 am
Oh that sucks *goes to check the warned person* Did you add them to the warn list?
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Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 5:09 pm
Jeez, I can't believe what he posted. Total fail.
I mean... seriously, did he even pay attention to one single thing around the guild?
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Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 5:27 pm
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Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:36 pm
Did I ever mention I promoted Dazzler?
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Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 7:40 pm
No, you never did. That would explain why she's been helping.
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Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 7:52 pm
Well she started helping then I promoted her. So yeah Dazzler=mod.
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Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 2:39 pm
WARNING: linkin park is awsome123 same freakin reasons as before scream
See him break another rule and he is out sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 7:25 pm
Yumao Umm... Fish smells funny... what do you think? Large Mouth bass is just about the only kind of water dwelling food that doesnt smell like a watter dwelling creature but rather a land dwelling creature. Mmmmmm.......... Bass Hobos
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Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 7:54 pm
Haha.
Ally, you'll notice in your pm box the warning notice I sent him via pm, so that he cannot use ignorance as an excuse next time.
I hope he follows the advice I gave him.
It kinda irks me to have to moderate the guild sometimes when it's just such a blatant violation or blatant lack of directions-following.
It's like... I put in probably about a half hour a week monitoring and occasionally more if there's something that requires posting, and just doing general crew stuff... and then I check the main thread to input my two cents on rules suggestions and help keep this place looking somewhat nice and organized. I know you do a lot more work Ally, and go you, but it just makes me think when I see it:
What did I waste my time for?
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