Welcome to Gaia! ::

how is your thing going ally?

sorry I havent been posting, been doing a lot of traveling. Also I have been trhrough some serious grieving, and to make matters worse, I am supposed to be hanging out with friends but no one can do that.

I am in Boca Raton currently trying to ease my mind and clear it of anything.

last month july 3rd at 2:36am my rabbit died, most people tell me to get over the fact taht he is dead but i cant. he had been with me and endured so much for over twelve years. he was the only rabbit I ever owned and the fact tthat my mom keeps bringing him up doesnt help. I have been having continuous nightmares about murders, my dead animals being mad at me adn being zombies like the ones in resident evil 4.

my doctor told me that I have use this time in Boca Raton as a vacation but so far its not. I have a hard time sleeping, dont wake up till late in the afternoon and no one wants to hang out with me. or if they do, then they cant do anything.

I keep getting the impression that it was my fault the rabbit died. my doctor said its me going through the steps of mourning. I dont know. the rabbit died in my arms that night and it was very painful holding him. I could feel the exact moment when he was no longer in his body and I didnt stop crying for about 3 whole days. almost every night I still cry myself to sleep knowing when I get home there will be no more rabbit to talk to. I have other animnals but they havent been through the same stuff as that rabbit. he saw and understood a lot.

I never got close to the humans in my family but the animals were like family. Peter was my little brother, the chinchillas are my nephews since they came from my brothers best friend, the dog is I guess a sister or something, and the cat is....the cat. if I get another cat then I guess that will be fine but nothing will add up to the joy I had with my rabbit. he didnt do much but he let me hold him for the entire duration of grave of the fireflies. when I burried the rabbit the next day I put him in a nice shoebox. (it was all I had) I burried him with some treasures and a nice thing of hay just in case he was hungry. he was wrapped in a towel when he died, and was burried under a tree, not too far from my cat who died when I was 15. I have gone back to his grave several times to talk to him and tell him a few things.

the thing that gets me is that when I am going to sleep in my room in MD i keep getting the feeling there are a few evil or vengeful spirits lurking about. I have to summon my guardian angel a lot and set up several dream catchers to ensure a good nights sleep. it could be just me being paranoid but things havent been well since that one night.

oh well. lets hope I can relax a bit here in Florida. if anyone has any tips on how to ease my mind please feel free to help me. I have been in this situation once before, but my friend forced me to not think of my dog who had died. he told me she wasnt important and that she had no soul. I beg to differ. several animals I knew have come back to talk to me a few times and stayed with me in a test and kept me company. from time to time my cat who died when I was 15 comes and sleeps next to me. she hasnt lately but well I assume she has gone in peace.

im sure the blue army can create a lawsuit.....

The love for a horse is just as complicated as the love for another human being, if you never love a horse, you'll never understand.

We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams!

The love for a horse is just as complicated as the love for another human being, if you never love a horse, you'll never understand.

We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams!

The love for a horse is just as complicated as the love for another human being, if you never love a horse, you'll never understand.

We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams!

The love for a horse is just as complicated as the love for another human being, if you never love a horse, you'll never understand.

We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams!