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 Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 7:42 pm
Wow.............those last two were really good!
I can't find good jokes!!!!
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 3:38 pm
Alhoitz Wow.............those last two were really good! I can't find good jokes!!!! I have zillions!
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Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 8:40 pm
Angelzfury Alhoitz Wow.............those last two were really good! I can't find good jokes!!!! I have zillions! I can tell!
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:32 pm
Here we have a mathematical GENIUS! A friend shared this bit of wisdom with me and I wanted to share it with you. This equation should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to
give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are
giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone
wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up
100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula
that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T
U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far a** kissing will take
you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and a** kissing that will put you over the top.
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 1:04 am
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Jesus and Satan sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They emailed. They emailed with attachments They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than Jesus. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:25 pm
Angelzfury Here we have a mathematical GENIUS! A friend shared this bit of wisdom with me and I wanted to share it with you. This equation should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far a** kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and a** kissing that will put you over the top. lol thats a good one!
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 1:40 pm
The "Best Lawyer Story of All Time"...
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the
city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer
a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that
even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't
give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to
your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also
show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she
has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind
and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six
children."
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off
again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died
in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and
three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning
disabilities requiring a huge array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I
had no idea."
And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what
makes you think I'd give any to you?"
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:27 pm
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 12:10 am
ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!
1. You walka pasta da bakery.
2. You walka pasta da candy store.
3. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4. You walka pasta da fridge.
You will lose weight!
AND ... CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
blaugh
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 10:00 pm
^^
That poem sounds a tad familiar! like it's written on the walls at school! ><
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 10:02 pm
It sounds so familiar........
Like what's written on the walls at school!
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 12:39 am
Alhoitz It sounds so familiar........ Like what's written on the walls at school! I wouldn't know I haven't been there in a long time
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 9:36 pm
Angelzfury Alhoitz It sounds so familiar........ Like what's written on the walls at school! I wouldn't know I haven't been there in a long time Well I was just there a few months ago......
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 1:24 am
HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first
place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking
strippers! What the hell -- the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party
atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in
this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary,
thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services." Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything?
myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:54 pm
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Reply
