Welcome to Gaia! ::

Someone called me "sir." On Gaia though. X3

Maybe it's cuz of my avi, even though my avi's a female base, but I'd like to think they saw my profile and saw my pic and thought I "passed" as a guy.

And yesterday one of my guy friends (who has no idea about me, in regards to gender-whatnot, since he is Asian and speaks neither English or Japanese fluently enough to have complex conversation) said to me that he "doesn't understand" how I "ended up a girl" and that I'm "not really that girly." X3 And when we started talking about his neighbor, and how always has the same guyfriend over everyday, and how he speculates that perhaps this guyfriend is his neighbor's boyfriend, I said to him, "if that's the case, it doesn't matter, let them be." And he said that no, he doesn't care about that, but he joked, "maybe I will turn gay because of seeing them together." And then we were talking about him "turning gay" and me being manly, and how he'd pretty much "go gay" for me. XDDD It was just fun, and funny, and I don't like him like that, but even if it was just joking, it made me squee.

My Heart Just Wouldn't be Into It...

I DID IT!

Talked to the psychologist yesterday! WOOT. blaugh

But I said it out loud. XD I said to her: "I think I'm transexual." And now, I feel like it's set in stone. I feel like I'll never be the same again. It's scary.

And I don't feel all the much better, because I still haven't told anyone in my life.

I'm going to tell my mom, though. Through a letter.

My plan is to write the letter, and, next time she drops me off at a friends house, give it to her and say: "Open wehn you get home."

I would put it in about fifty billion envelopes, and it would start out like "Dear mum, I love you, it's not your fault, blahblahblah I'm a big fat man!"

Well, not quite, buuuut... xD

OH, I'M SO EXCITED.

And, also, yesterday, I played Halo with my friends, and I was a gamer. heart

...Not that We Nobodies HAVE Hearts.

I've been losing weight since October, sick of hauling over 200 pounds on this 5'6" frame of mine. Over the weekend, I bought a bathroom scale for the household, and apparently I've dipped under 170, and at around 167.5, according to the digital readout. This makes Bas happy.

For you Europey-types:

Start: 92 kg
Now: 76 kg

For you Brits:

Start: 14.5 stone
Now: 12 stone

I'm going for 150 lbs (68 kg, 10.7 stone).

Good luck getting the job!

xd cheeky bumsex... rofl

Lately my mother has had my brother and I cleaning out all our old toys because she's sick of them cluttering up a room. The two of us suffer through this, as it's rather fun to discover old toys, and more often than not we end up playing for the duration of the cleaning period.

Today we found his old car mat, and the try as we might, we couldn't resist its call. We (the two boys turning eighteen and fifteen in the spring) literally ran to gather up his toy cars and bring them into a different room, where we promptly got into a tug-o-war over the coolest-looking ones. For the most part, though, we didn't have much problem, because I grabbed my few cars I actually recieved and the coolest of the service vehicles (yay for ice cream trucks and snow ploughs!) and he went for the hot rods and Camaros and Firebirds. It always worked out that way, because he was seriously into car types and I really liked driving my schoolbus.

We played for at least twenty minutes, flinging toy cars at each other and each other's parked cars, and my brother kept trying to flip my cars but they always landed on their wheels anyway and we were both laughing so hard...I drove my drag racer on top of his skidoo and the two of us nearly fell over from laughing and trying to coodinate the limbs it took to keep the skidoo moving with the drag racer on top (he was trying to throw it off, I was trying to keep it on)...and then he complained that he hurt from laughing too hard, and promptly burped, and I said I figured it wasn't the laughter that was hurting his stomach and we started laughing uncontrollably again...

There never really was a time when he didn't want to play with me anymore because I was a girl, which should speak to my masculinity right there, but it kind of waned as I hit early teens. He treats me like a boy (because he's never had a sister, so he wouldn't know how to treat me like a girl), and I treat him like any older brother treats a younger brother, and in that state we co-exist.

But alas, all magical moments must come to an end, and this was no exception. I really miss being able to play like that, without regard to the gender stereotypes of toys, just two brothers (albeit rather growed-up ones) playing together again.

I really wish our relationship could be like that always. And that I could tell him that I'm a boy. But I don't think I have to, exactly. I just have to change my outside and he'll just see what he's always seen me as inside.

He's a good kid.

My Heart Just Wouldn't be Into It...

Lucky You! scream XD Luuucky Raaave...XD

There's an LGBT club/support group thing downtown in my city...I have a map to get there and everything, what train stations to get on and off at, which ways to walk...

Only thing is...I'm not allowed to take the train alone. Anywhere. crying And...I can't get anyone to take me or go with me...XD

...Not that We Nobodies HAVE Hearts.