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 Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 6:00 am
Pesh Dear Bonzi: How can you tell if a riend is a true friend, or just someone that's around when it suites their needs? xp Sometimes it's hard to tell becuse most people are often busy and don't have a lot of extra time. Always Confused xp Dear Always Confused, Friends are weird sometimes, because they are... well people... and people sometimes just suck. Most people are out for themselves, and anything they can get from anyone. They are selfish and uncaring. Somtimes these "people" can become your friends. When they become friends, they are supposed to drop all their selfishness, and be friendly. Some are actually able to do this, some are not. It sounds like you may just have a person, instead of a friend. My suggestion is that you get a friend or two... heck, maybe more. This will not be an easy task, but it is one that must be done. Good luck in your journey. 
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 6:49 am
Dear Bonzi,
What should you do if you think someone is cheating on you? I've approached him about it before but he denied it and said it was a friend he was talking to.
~ Confused about love
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:05 am
Valdata Dear Bonzi, What should you do if you think someone is cheating on you? I've approached him about it before but he denied it and said it was a friend he was talking to. ~ Confused about love Dear Confused about love, That is a tricky situation. If you truely feel this way about it, discuss it again. Your in a relationship, and it needs to be open and honest. If he isn't getting something from you, and feels that someone else can give it to him better, then he needs to not get anything from you. You could be overreacting... or maybe your not. If he denys it again, you may talk you your friends about it, and see if they can gather some info for you. Maybe they are just friends, or maybe they are more than friends. Either way, you need to find out the truth. I sure hope he isn't, but if he is, you must be ready to handle the situation. Good luck.
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:18 am
Dear Bonzi,
I read the advice you gave me. I do feel like there is a few things that someone else can give him. I think I am just over reacting and acting paranoid. I'll see if this feeling passes and if it doesn't then I'll go talk to him again. Thank you for your advice.
~ Confused about love
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:24 am
Valdata Dear Bonzi, I read the advice you gave me. I do feel like there is a few things that someone else can give him. I think I am just over reacting and acting paranoid. I'll see if this feeling passes and if it doesn't then I'll go talk to him again. Thank you for your advice. ~ Confused about love Dear Confused about love, What are the things that he could get elsewhere? Are these things that you could possibly change somewhat, and be able to provide them? For instance, if he is a rather short person, and needs someone to reach things up high. Perhaps you could get a ladder, or one of those mechanical claws. If they are more of a personal nature, and you feel comfortable, feel free to PM me, or just tell me to buzz off.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:04 am
Dear Bonzi,
I've been going through a slight predicament. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we just recently got married a few weeks ago. Well, ever since we got married he has been wanting to go out more and more. You know hang out with the guys. We both have a very special hobby, we both breakdance. He takes it way more seriously than me, this is his life and he wants to make it big when it comes to his dance. Now we both live with his father who is very possessive of his house and will not allow him to practice at our house. SO we have been making plans to move out anyway. Now here is the thing. For acouple of months we have been having financial problems and i recently got very sick so we lost our jobs and he has been taking care of me. Now that i am up and about he has the obession with going to his friends house. Not just for an hour. I told him i dont care if he goes out, but he wants to go out every day. And not only that he has been comming home at around 3 or 4 in the morning. And i would have to call him to keep in touch with him. Now i hate the fact that his friends house is like a halfway house. People just come and go i dont even know who is there half of the time! And there is always something going on there. I know he just hangs out and eats crap, plays halo...which i know is an addictive game. But now he is giving me this crap story that he needs to practice at his friends house. I mean come on He spends more time over there than at home. 8 hours of eating crap and like 1 hour practicing. We have been having fights ever since. I mean Before we got married we hung out together, he would take me out, we would hang out at friends houses. We would do everything together. Now all he wants to do is spend time alone with his boys and he isnt even making an effort on finding a job. What should i do with this situation? I dont know how to handle this. I am so angry i keep blowing up at him and i think it is unhealthy for me to keep on doing that. I finally got so fed up that i have been sleeping over my mothers house. Now when i try to talk to him about my problem he blames things on me and tells me i am being unfair and i am not letting him live his life. He says i dont support him. I do i want him to live his dreams but does he have to spend so much time away from home? Especially with people i dont even like?
~Pissed Off Wifey
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:16 am
gabystar Dear Bonzi, (sniped for space) ~Pissed Off Wifey Dear Pissed off Wifey, First and foremost, things change DRASTICALLY when you get married. That said, he should be spending more time with you than ANYTHING. Unless his job makes that hard to do. His focus, now that you are married, should be on his family, and supporting them. There is nothing wrong with having fun with friends, but when that interferres with 'family matters', then it is a problem. You two need to sit down and TALK about this. Not yell at each other, and not fight. You, (as a woman), will probably want to start just yelling at him. Do NOT do that. It will only make him go on the defensive, and make the conversation worse, and turn in to a fight. You need to sit down with him, and tell him that you two need to talk. Get your concers and fears and dreams out... let him do the same. He needs to understand that his priority right now should be finding a job, and getting you two out of his fathers house, and into a home of your own. Then he should work (hard) on making you happy, then himself. And you should do the same... in the same order.... home... his happiness, your happiness. I can not stress enough that this talk needs to be a talk.. .not a yelling match, or a fight... if it starts to get to that point, it needs to stop, take a slight break, and start again, until it is worked out. And worked out does not mean that he loses everything that he wants to do, or you lose everything. Marriage is a comprimise. If neither party is willing to do that, then its going to be some really rough waters. Good luck, and let me know how it goes, and if you need anymore adivce.
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 4:35 pm
Dear Bonzi:
I live in a house of rude inconsiderate jerks that have never figured out how to compromise. It always has to be what they want, and not what anyone else wants. xp Any advice you can give would be appreciated.
Always confused, but now annoyed...
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:10 pm
Pesh Dear Bonzi: I live in a house of rude inconsiderate jerks that have never figured out how to compromise. It always has to be what they want, and not what anyone else wants. xp Any advice you can give would be appreciated. Always confused, but now annoyed... Dear Always confused, but now annoyed, I understand your frustration. My advice would be to talk to them on a mature level. Try your hardest to keep the conversation on that level, if you feel it start to sink, then mention it, and try to bring it back to the level it needs to be. Express yourself calmly. And if that dosn't work... a little plastic explosive between the ... umm.. nevermind... we can talk about that later. wink Good Luck,
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:02 am
Dear Bonzi:
Thanks fo the advice. Me and my husband have talked about the issue extensively and have worked out a solution. He spends more time at home and goes out mostly to the gym. Whenever he does want to go out with the boys its one or two days on the weekends. And he calls me and will not stay out past 12. Which is fine with me. Normally he just goes out on fridays or saturdays. And if he goes out on friday he takes me out on saturdays. Or vice verse. So far he has been treating me better and i feel more like the team we are supposed to be. He sure has made it evident that his priorities have changed because of our talk. Thanks for everything.
~not so pissed off wifey anymore.
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:30 am
gabystar Dear Bonzi: Thanks fo the advice. Me and my husband have talked about the issue extensively and have worked out a solution. He spends more time at home and goes out mostly to the gym. Whenever he does want to go out with the boys its one or two days on the weekends. And he calls me and will not stay out past 12. Which is fine with me. Normally he just goes out on fridays or saturdays. And if he goes out on friday he takes me out on saturdays. Or vice verse. So far he has been treating me better and i feel more like the team we are supposed to be. He sure has made it evident that his priorities have changed because of our talk. Thanks for everything. ~not so pissed off wifey anymore. Dear not so pissed off wifey anymore, I'm so glad things are going better. I hope they continue in the right direction for you. heart Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:19 pm
Dear Bonzi,
I've been really busy, but bored lately and I don't know why. It seems like I'm always busy, but never seem to accomplish anything as well. And I haven't been very motivated to do much of anything. Please help...
heart bored, unaccomplished, and always confused
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 6:03 am
Pesh Dear Bonzi, I've been really busy, but bored lately and I don't know why. It seems like I'm always busy, but never seem to accomplish anything as well. And I haven't been very motivated to do much of anything. Please help... heart bored, unaccomplished, and always confused Dear bored, So your not liking the activities that your partaking in. Are these actvities of a work related nature, or perhaps they are of a cleaning nature. I could see how one would be bored with those types of activities. Perhaps you need to look at the activites from a different perspective, see the benefit side of them. Or, if you just looking for something fun to do, come on over to my house, and I will give you something fun to do. wink
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 11:47 am
Dear Bonzi,
I have the awful habit of thinking. Not just "why is the sky blue" thinking, but I am a major daydreamer. If day dreaming were a profession I'd be the president of the corporation (The Disney Theme Parks do not count xp ) The only thing about these day dreams are they're always so negetive. I'll hear something sad, or frightening, and I manage to twist it in my mind to the worst possible form and happening to me. During the day it isn't quite so bad, I find ways to distract myself, or I find people to talk to about some of these day-mares (as I call them). My biggest problem is trying to sleep. All my fears seem to be wide awake as my body attempts to rest, causing me to become slightly insomniac. Usually I can drown my thoughts beneath the sound of the television, but I'm not sure how much longer that can last. What should I do, any suggestions? Should I seek professional help?
-Paranoid Slumber
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:40 am
Dear Bonzi,
How do you get back into a group when it seems like you've been in a way cut off? And when it's your own fault anyways because you didnt stick around when you should have. When the people are the best kind of people you've ever known and now you barely ever get to talk to them... An dhow do you let them know that you still love them all so dearly?
- Cut off -
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