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 Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:28 pm
it's not necessarily about gender, i just don't know what it's like to be in those shoes....i guess, if that makes any sense
i'll drop it
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Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 8:28 am
This too is sacred The best thing you can do is just listen; you may never actually walk in a woman's shoes, so to speak, but listening is the next best thing you can do.
Conversely, no woman knows what it's like to be a man, to have that constant social pressure to be a Man's Man, to like tools/cars/hunting, be tough all the time, even when you're crying on the inside. We can listen to you too, Dir en glay.
Feminism works both ways; it seeks real equality between the sexes, not just some words on paper that say they're equal under the law. It gives men more freedom to be ALL of their Self, not just the socially acceptable parts, the same as women. love as thou wilt
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Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 4:32 pm
i appreciate that sentiment you have a way with words
i've just felt as if the whole world is against me, but things are getting better
i'm getting my dream home
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Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 4:50 pm
So there's one thing I forgot to mention in my rant about college.
About a month after I was raped, I was forced to watch my boyfriend be raped in front of me by his roommate and what we thought was a mutual friend.
I just moved into my boyfriend's apartment in Chicago (hooray)
And one of his roommates looks EXACTLY like the guy who did it.
It's scary, it's unnerving, and it's breaking my heart.
emo
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Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 12:59 pm
T urbid, maybe once you get to know the guy a little better he'll start looking like his own person instead of resembling the other guy? (Like how people look better the longer you know them kind of thing.)
Dir, here are some websites that cover feminist stuff from a man's point of view; like how the patriarchy affects the lives of males.
http://www.mascmag.com/
http://www.xyonline.net/
My rant: Apparently, I'm not a reliable door-holder. Urgh. I'm so sick of this. I'll be leaving a place and see some people coming towards the door, so I'll stop and hold it open for them. Some people, especially guys, feel like they have to help me hold the door open by propping their hand on it as they walk in. It shouldn't bug me this much, I know. But screw you, door-holder-"helpers," believe it or not, I can hold open a door without your assistance!
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Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 6:57 pm
This too is sacred *hugs for Turbid* That must be very awful for you. I hope it gets better. Make sure you're open with your boyfriend about how you feel. Talking about it may hurt but it will help.
My rant? I'm PMSing and missed Gabe's bedtime tonight, so that makes me incredibly sad. I spoke with him earlier today at lunch, but thanks to him being out with his dad tonight over at my inlaws, he went right to bed as soon as he got home and there was no goodnights between us. crying love as thou wilt
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:26 am
I'm a little bit terrified.
So... I just agreed to accept a bid and am now a pledge to a sorority--something I thought I'd never ever do...
And I was really excited and ready to go pet some kitties at the local animal shelter and y'know, sorority ish stuff. Because this is like nerdy-girl sorority.
But then I got the e-mail from the pledge chair person with a bunch of attachments we're supposed to study up on. One of them is a document detailing what happens at the Preference ceremony thing. Making dinner doesn't sound so bad. Serving dinner doesn't sound so bad. Clearing dishes doesn't sound so bad. Walking arm and arm with a strange guy from a fraternity does. Entering that fraternity does. Walking arm and arm with a strange guy along a cat walk does. Being "nicely" made fun of does. Having to dance with the fraternity president in front of everyone does.
It's making me nauseous just thinking about it.
I don't let guys close, physically and definitely emotionally. I've been doing it subconsciously for years now. And I realised why recently, when I came to terms with the fact that I was sexually assaulted at fat camp.
So being so physically close to a guy, in a house of a lot of guys, where many if not all will be drunk (guaranteed) DOES NOT MAKE ME COMFORTABLE.
God, I think I'm going to throw up.
I have to get in contact with the recruitment chair of my sorority, the girl I've had the most contact with, and somehow tell her I don't really feel comfortable taking part in most of the ceremony without spewing on her how I was sexually assaulted and now have serious issues being with guys.
Little disclaimer note: turbid, please know I'm not trying to belittle your horrendous experiences with sexual assault/abuse. I know what happened to me barely compares to what happened to you. Or what happened to three of my friends. That's part of the reason why I didn't "realize" it; the "real thing" happened to my friends and other women out there--it couldn't have happened to me. Now I understand there are varying degrees of sexual assault, and I know I have a lesser degree than many of the people I know.
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:39 am
This too is sacred Navya, definitely talk to your recruitment person and let them know how you're feeling, and if you have too, why. Any organization that respects you as a person is going to be understanding. If they don't, then that's probably not an organization you want to be apart of, am I right? Take care and let us know how it goes. love as thou wilt
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:00 pm
Recruitment chair has worked out several options for me on the night of the event (next Friday), all depending on how I'm feeling. I totally chose the right person to talk to... It was scary, though, but I feel a bit better now. It was the worst, though, when I was trying to get it out. My voice did the wobbly, "I'm nervous/I'm going to cry" sounding thing, and her eyes started watering up a couple times and I was like, God, please don't cry. I'm still going to be a little anxious for the event, but it's good to know someone's looking out for my comfort/interests and I have alternatives to participating in the aforementioned uncomfortable activities...
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:22 pm
I'm glad the sorority recruitment chair was good about it. When I read the word "sorority," I immediately assumed the worst - I'm a little judgemental about sororities, I'm afraid. So it's good to hear someone bucked that trend.
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Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 4:34 pm
Yeah, I would have, too.
But this is a small, local sorority, so they get to make their own rules and stuff. They're pretty tight-knit, protect their own, and they don't haze. The one thing the recruitment chair kept repeating for ever since I met her was that she didn't want us to be uncomfortable. So, aside from my knowing her the most (of the people that knew I was pledging), her constant repetition of that was what convinced me to talk to her.
Even better since it turns out she's a psych major, so even more understanding!
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:55 pm
Trigger warning.
Hey, guys. I'm slipping. I keep having these, "well, if you were thin..."-esque thoughts and mentally beating myself up for not being thin until I realize what I'm doing.
And I'm placing all the blame on my parents. They are real life concern trolls.
I had a week off for Thanksgiving and was really glad to be home and finally get some time to just completely relax and take cat naps with my kitty and eat wonderful food. Because here at college, I'm running around all the time and barely eating anything because the food options are rubbish and I often run out of time for real meals.
From both of my parents, I get the usual BE ACTIVE thing. Passive aggressive or sometimes just outright aggressive (likely due to their frustration with me). They are not swayed by my telling them that this is my break and I'd like to relax. This didn't bug me so much by itself. It has company.
I try on a dress I got for my birthday. My mom says it look good, but while I'm inspecting it in front of the mirror, she tells me I need to work on my arms so I can get Michelle Obama arms. This bugs me not only because of the AGH MY DAUGHTER HAS UGLY FAT OLD LADY ARMS implication, but I just ******** HATE the obsession over Mrs Obama's arms--as if her toned arms and her fashion sense are ALL she has to contribute... Seething quietly, instead I respond with an admission of loving my flabby arms, but it feels wrong coming out because it's not true. They're one of the things I'm insecure about.
Then here comes my dad's role. My mom tells me I have to come in and say goodnight to him before he falls asleep, so I playfully scamper over and flop onto the bed next to him. I give him a goodnight and he gives me a lecture. He's concerned for my health. He doesn't mention my fat. He talks about my lifestyle (my break lifestyle of lounging w/cat and eating lots of delicious home food); I remain silent because I can see where he's coming from. But then he brings up how I'm not as fortunate as my [thin] sisters because they were blessed with good genes. And I snap. I make some snippy remark about informing my PCOS about his concern--and he asks me what PCOS is!! It's only the thing your daughter was dagnosed with five years ago! Where have you been for the past half-decade?! I tell him it's the thing that made me fat and he starts back-pedaling.
Add onto this, Thanksgiving dinner, sitting with younger sister, younger cousin, basically-deaf grandfather, and health-freak/nature-freak/journalist uncle who also loves to lecture/interrogate. It somehow comes up that I'm living in a Wellness Hall. He asks what that means. I tell him it means I sign a contract saying I won't smoke, drink, or do drugs. He makes a prickly, disappointed remark about it not, then, referring to diet or exercise... Another snap. But instead of going full out rant-attack against this man in front of everyone, I brush it off by saying they used to be called something different and "Wellness Hall" is a new name and something about having a Wellness Chair that's supposed to send us newsletters about getting sleep, avoiding illness, eating right, but that no one takes the chairs seriously.
And then packing to go back to campus, my mom sticks Slim Fast into my luggage.
All these little snaps have left me feeling fractured and fragile. I hate disappointing people. And it's just so unfair that when I finally find (tentative) happiness in myself, I'm only disappointing my family. And now it feels like I don't deserve happiness. And now it's gone away.
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eikocarol212 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:55 am
Nayva T rigger warning.
Hey, guys. I'm slipping. I keep having these, "well, if you were thin..."-esque thoughts and mentally beating myself up for not being thin until I realize what I'm doing.
And I'm placing all the blame on my parents. They are real life concern trolls.
I had a week off for Thanksgiving and was really glad to be home and finally get some time to just completely relax and take cat naps with my kitty and eat wonderful food. Because here at college, I'm running around all the time and barely eating anything because the food options are rubbish and I often run out of time for real meals.
From both of my parents, I get the usual BE ACTIVE thing. Passive aggressive or sometimes just outright aggressive (likely due to their frustration with me). They are not swayed by my telling them that this is my break and I'd like to relax. This didn't bug me so much by itself. It has company.
I try on a dress I got for my birthday. My mom says it look good, but while I'm inspecting it in front of the mirror, she tells me I need to work on my arms so I can get Michelle Obama arms. This bugs me not only because of the AGH MY DAUGHTER HAS UGLY FAT OLD LADY ARMS implication, but I just ******** HATE the obsession over Mrs Obama's arms--as if her toned arms and her fashion sense are ALL she has to contribute... Seething quietly, instead I respond with an admission of loving my flabby arms, but it feels wrong coming out because it's not true. They're one of the things I'm insecure about.
Then here comes my dad's role. My mom tells me I have to come in and say goodnight to him before he falls asleep, so I playfully scamper over and flop onto the bed next to him. I give him a goodnight and he gives me a lecture. He's concerned for my health. He doesn't mention my fat. He talks about my lifestyle (my break lifestyle of lounging w/cat and eating lots of delicious home food); I remain silent because I can see where he's coming from. But then he brings up how I'm not as fortunate as my [thin] sisters because they were blessed with good genes. And I snap. I make some snippy remark about informing my PCOS about his concern--and he asks me what PCOS is!! It's only the thing your daughter was dagnosed with five years ago! Where have you been for the past half-decade?! I tell him it's the thing that made me fat and he starts back-pedaling.
Add onto this, Thanksgiving dinner, sitting with younger sister, younger cousin, basically-deaf grandfather, and health-freak/nature-freak/journalist uncle who also loves to lecture/interrogate. It somehow comes up that I'm living in a Wellness Hall. He asks what that means. I tell him it means I sign a contract saying I won't smoke, drink, or do drugs. He makes a prickly, disappointed remark about it not, then, referring to diet or exercise... Another snap. But instead of going full out rant-attack against this man in front of everyone, I brush it off by saying they used to be called something different and "Wellness Hall" is a new name and something about having a Wellness Chair that's supposed to send us newsletters about getting sleep, avoiding illness, eating right, but that no one takes the chairs seriously.
And then packing to go back to campus, my mom sticks Slim Fast into my luggage.
All these little snaps have left me feeling fractured and fragile. I hate disappointing people. And it's just so unfair that when I finally find (tentative) happiness in myself, I'm only disappointing my family. And now it feels like I don't deserve happiness. And now it's gone away.*hugs Nayva* Wow. That is just absolutely something else. I have been fortunate enough to not have family members who harp on like that. The way things sound, it would be best if you tell your parents that your weight is exactly that. YOURS. They have no control over that fact, and they have no right to think any less of your because of your weight. A lot of times, people who harp on about weight don't realize how harmful it is to the person on the receiving end. If you let them know how this type of talk is hurting you, it may help somewhat.
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Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:22 am
But they are parents, so they have the right to be in my business! And they are doctors, so they know what's best!
Meh.
They haven't done/said anything so far this break. But I've been out of the house with friends much more--because friends are actually here in town this time.
FRICK. MORE TRIGGER WARNING. D: Good thing this is the place for rants...
But I'm still going on with those "If I were thinner..." thoughts. Can't remember exactly what prompted it today during last-minute holiday shopping... Though a few days ago, it was definitely prompted by a supposed-to-be-FA-action of removing my too-small clothes from my closet for donation. There were some shirts I really will miss...
Oh, now I remember what prompted it in the store--passing the bras. I have very (but somehow unnoticeably) large breasts and really just want a cute bra that they only make in small sizes. I can't even find my size in the vast majority of stores. I usually tell myself I don't want to lose weight because I don't want to lose my breasts (somewhat unfounded fear of only losing weight there and nowhere else), but today I managed to convince myself it wouldn't matter if I lost my breasts because then I could wear cute bras so damnit, I'll just go ahead and be thin.
...Like it's that easy.
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