feel-good-hit
Pink_Converse-
Okay, I've only read the Prologue, but that's because it's short and I'm supposed to be reading somebody else's fic ^^; But here's what I've got to say so far.
About Hermione's trip to France.. I'm pretty sure that was mentioned in the books (she took a skiing trip there for Christmas, OR she went there during the summer.. I don't remember ^^; ), and I'm glad you're making it so that it could have actually happened.
Something that caught my attention right off the bat was the CD player. Hermione was 13 when this all took place, which means that the year was around 1993.. I don't know what year exactly CD player became available to everyone, so this may or may not fit with the time period.
Even so, something that you can't really get around is the fact that the actual song ('I Wonder') was released in 2003 @_@ I suppose it isn't that big a deal, especially if the song really goes with the theme of the whole fic (I know some people base their fics entirely off of a single song) and there is no other one like it, but it's just something to keep in mind.
Hm... As for Olga being directly related to the Malfoys.. That is entirely possible. It was never mentioned in OotP where Harry was examining the tapestry that he looked further into the Malfoys' family ties, so it's still possible.
I spotted two typos in this bit:
^^^ 'his' should be 'this', and the 'C' shouldn't be capitalized.
Also, in the sentence right after that one, the 'h' in 'he' shouldn't be capitalized either. And I think 'skied' should actually be 'skiied', but don't quote me on that ^^;
Um... You should probably capitalize 'Muggle' and 'Half-Blood', just to be politically correct, but it's not that important.
Okay, that's all I've picked out! I hope it helps/is understandable.
Oh yeah! And.. Sorry if I annoyed you ^^; You didn't really ask for a drawn-out nitpicking fest, but I don't like to see good stories suffer at the hands of careless mistakes.
Okay, I've only read the Prologue, but that's because it's short and I'm supposed to be reading somebody else's fic ^^; But here's what I've got to say so far.
About Hermione's trip to France.. I'm pretty sure that was mentioned in the books (she took a skiing trip there for Christmas, OR she went there during the summer.. I don't remember ^^; ), and I'm glad you're making it so that it could have actually happened.
Something that caught my attention right off the bat was the CD player. Hermione was 13 when this all took place, which means that the year was around 1993.. I don't know what year exactly CD player became available to everyone, so this may or may not fit with the time period.
Even so, something that you can't really get around is the fact that the actual song ('I Wonder') was released in 2003 @_@ I suppose it isn't that big a deal, especially if the song really goes with the theme of the whole fic (I know some people base their fics entirely off of a single song) and there is no other one like it, but it's just something to keep in mind.
Hm... As for Olga being directly related to the Malfoys.. That is entirely possible. It was never mentioned in OotP where Harry was examining the tapestry that he looked further into the Malfoys' family ties, so it's still possible.
I spotted two typos in this bit:
Quote:
Hermione gained only one piece of information from his statement. She wasn't just a pureblood like Malfoy, But she was a pureblood RELATED to Malfoy! "I know him," said Hermione, "He's always making fun of me for being a muggle-born, Calling me a Mudblood!"
^^^ 'his' should be 'this', and the 'C' shouldn't be capitalized.
Also, in the sentence right after that one, the 'h' in 'he' shouldn't be capitalized either. And I think 'skied' should actually be 'skiied', but don't quote me on that ^^;
Um... You should probably capitalize 'Muggle' and 'Half-Blood', just to be politically correct, but it's not that important.
Okay, that's all I've picked out! I hope it helps/is understandable.
Oh yeah! And.. Sorry if I annoyed you ^^; You didn't really ask for a drawn-out nitpicking fest, but I don't like to see good stories suffer at the hands of careless mistakes.
sorry, I stink at typing... You won't believe how long it took me to get that one chapter accepted!
The song was just a filler, it didn't really mean anything. I was like, 3 when the story takes place so I gotta bone up on what kind of songs, movies, etc. got realeased then.
hey, you could have said worse stuff, I'm happy you didn't!
and about the relation, it was just something I decided to add as sort of a last minute thing. Later in the story you'll learn why she doesn't look/talk/think like malfoy and why they both hate each other... but that's all I'm saying...
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