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Lance Constable Constipation 'Archi' Archibald had been in the watch for a few weeks now, and some of the lads had finally gotten tired of the jokes. He dreaded the day they discovered that Constipation was more than just a word that sounded like constable, but he wasn't too worried, by the time they did he'd be commander.

He'd been in long enough to learn the important rules, and the most important of all was that you stuck together. You didn't leave an officer in the lurch, even if he'd just joined this morning. He ran out of the watchhouse with everyone else, if a little slower than he might have liked in order to keep up with Wulf, who looked about to die on his feet.

Eventually they made it and Archi froze like a man who's just seen the giant boot from his nightmares. It wasn't the troll. He was used to trolls. There were lots of trolls in the watch. It was the sodding vampire. He was holding a badge. A watch badge. A sodding vampire had stolen a watchmans badge. It was probably just as well Vimes wasn't here. It would have taken ages to clean all the vampire off the walls.

Archi drew his sword for the look of the thing, it wouldn't do much good against a vampire, but most of the lads were doing the same.

Drop the badge.

He noticed a black ribbon tied around the bastards wrist, well that would make things easier at least.

What have you done with Lance Constable Drake you blood sucking b*****d?

No bloody way. Old Stoneface'd go spare! He'd go bloody spare! Every time one of your lot tries to join he goes spare! Dwarfs? Alright, we've even got a couple with dresses on. Trolls? He can handle them. Werewolves? We've got one. Zombies? We've even got a few of those. Hell we have a golem! But never a vampire! That's what he says. Never a vampire!

Archi adjusted his grip on the sword. He'd never, in fact, used one, and the training hadn't been extensive. 'This is the pointy end, this isn't, try and stick the pointy end in the criminal if you really have to use it, preferably when he or she (the watch had gotten so politically correct these days. You weren't even allowed to call the dwarves gritsuckers anymore) is looking the other way. But it's more for the look of the thing, sort of thing'. He looked at the blade, it was blunt anyway. Could you blugeon a vampire to death? They never said anything about sharp stakes.

Well it probably wouldn't matter, he'd be dead before he got the chance to use it if it came to a fight. It looked like the same thought had struck a lot of the other lads (and lasses) too. Archi was begining to wish he'd chased after the troll with the rest of them.

He doesn't know? He doesn't know? He's going to go spare!
Sarge, I don't care what Vetinari said, I do not want to be there when Vimes finds out. And he's already been so stressed now he's got little Sam to worry about. What are you going to tell him?
Oh, and, er, sorry about that Drake.
If he knew what was good for him he'd take off right now. To Fourecks. Archi hadn't been round long, admitedly, but he'd talked to the lads. Stoneface had lost his mind since his son was born. Archi had already sat through two speaches about how damned important it was to clean up the city. The man intended to have fishes swimming in the Ankh and old ladies walking the Shades with gold chains around their necks by the time his son's first birthday. He kept saying how important it was to make the world a better place for the next generation.
Archi was pretty sure that Sir Samuel Vimes' idea of a better place involved about as many vampires in the watch as legs on a snake. And that wasn't a snake that had been anywhere near the university.
He was going to go spare.

Archi took the vampires hand hesitantly. He'd never actually met an actual vampire before, but they did suck blood. You couldn't trust someone who sucked blood, not properly. Even if he was a black ribboner he must have done it at some point.
Lance Constable...Just call me Archi. Um, nice to, ah, eat you. I mean meet you! Shouldn't we be going after that troll sarge? I think I've still got some breath in me, I'm going to go after that troll.
Archi tried not to snatch his hand back. Rather he took it back as calmly as he could and discretely wiped it on his shorts. Then he legged it after the troll. He knew where he stood with angry trolls. At a distance.

Drake turned to the girl that just talked. I'd appreciate if you didn't acutally advertise that just like that... I was sort of hoping that at least for a while, maybe the stupider people would not be able to kill me. of course, being killed isn't that bad. I have a friend, Otto, who works at the Times, and he has shown me a way to revive myself. But I need a donor... it can wait. Right now... He turned to Archi I'm going to turn myself into bats, and follow that troll. Please do not follow him, because if he doesn't know he's being followed, he'll go straight to those who sent him. not a second passed before Drake was a bat, flying through the air in the direction of the troll.

Wolf arrived at the point where Drake and Archi had been before they had run off. He was now moving as fast as he could manage, which currently could barely be classed as walking, let alone running.

"Sarge...pant...wheeze...where...is....cough...every...one?" he managed to get out, before his lungs rebelled against his brain and he couldn't speak anymore. He sort of sunk to his knees and breathed deep whooping breaths to try and get his breath back.

*Drake flew over the city, trying to track the troll that attacked his fellow watchmen.*

Archi jumped out of the way of an old woman and into the display stand of a fruit and vegetable shop that didn't seem to think freshness was as important as Archi did. He got out awkwardly and wiped globs of what had once probably once been something akin to edible to the cobbles.
What do you think your doing? Those were barely rotten those weren't! I mean were. I mean...You know what I mean! The fruiterer yelled. Archi held up his badge..
Do you have an assasins guild membership? He asked.
Course I don't! Do I look like some snooty assasin to you?
Then I could have you arrested for attempted food poisoning, now if you'll excuse me, and I'm sure you will, I'm a little bit busy.
He could already feel his chainmail rusting, thank the gods none of that had gotten in his mouth. Well, this wasn't doing him any good, it was time to think back to his almost comprehensive training. It was time to try out the...*Ominous Dun dun dun or Fanfare as preffered* Coppers Walk. This was Ankh Morpork and the trail of destruction left by the angry troll wouldn't be cleared for hours. Actually, it probably wouldn't be cleared at all. Archi followed easily and eventually, finally, cought up.
What he found was...

(ooc) I wasn't sure if I was allowed to make up what Archi found so I didn't. But at least we can get on with things now.(ooc)