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 Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 1:31 pm
Sanzo stared at Cyn as he held the boy in his arms. Their eyes locked, and Sanzo continued to stroke Cyndir's hair. As the boy began to speak softly, Sanzo raised his index finger to Cyn's lips.
"Shhhhh, don't say anything. It's all alright, it was just a dream. You're gonna be okay now Cyn-kun."
Sanzo was entrapped in Cyndir blue and brow eyes. He could see the fear in the boys eyes disapate as he held him to his chest. The voice in Sanzo's head began to speak to him again. 'Kiss Him, Kiss Him, Kiss...', Sanzo leaned into Cyn and kissed him on the lips. The kiss was short. Sanzo didn't attempt to force his tongue into Cyn's mouth.
"Come on Cyn, let's just go back to sleep. I'll stay with you if it helps."
Sanzo released his arms a bit and laid Cyndir back in the bed. Sanzo then climbed in to bed and wrapped his hands around the boys waist from behind. "I won't let them get you again Cyn-kun, everthing is alright now."
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 12:57 am
Cyndir's eyes closed for a moment as he felt Sanzo's lips against his own. Something screamed at him in the back of his mind to pull away, but he shut it out. It felt so...so right. Why? Why was he not running? Why did that kiss seem to make his heart flutter? It didn't matter. Everything felt as it should, like it was the most natural thing in the world, as Sanzo laid down beside him. The two of them, together. He let out a heavy sigh. Safe... He head leaned back against Sanzo's chest. His eyes closed once more. The nightmare faded away, as he drifted back into sleep.
"Sanzo...." he whispered, his hands gripping the ones around his waist. "Don't leave me alone..."
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 1:43 am
"I won't leave you Cyn-kun, don't worry, I'll be right here."
Sanzo squeezed his arms around the boys waist a little tighter. Hopefully it brought a little more comfort to Cyndir during his nightmare episode. As he lay with Cyn's head resting against his chest, Sanzo thought about the kiss he and Cyn just shared.
'It was the right thing to do...wasn't it. He didn't pull away. Or was that because he's only half awake. He'll probably think it was a dream or something. Dammit Sanzo, why did you have to fall for someone who's just not sure what they really want.'
Sanzo rested his chin on top of Cyn's head as the boy slept. He closed his eyes and relished the little time he knew he and Cyn had together.
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 8:55 pm
Cyndir slept peacefully for the rest of the night. His dreams remained peaceful. Dawn slowly crept in on the sleepers, and it wasn't long before sunlight poured into the room. Not one to be disturbed from deep sleep so easily, the boy groaned and rolled over, snuggling against Sanzo's chest. His mouth opened as though he was about to say something, but he let out a soft sigh and drifted back to silence. Eyes still closed, he groped around for the blankets and pulled them up over his head, burrowing further into the comforting warmth. Another sigh, and then he ceased moving, his breathing slow and steady once more.
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 9:16 pm
As the sun filtered throught the curtain on the window, Cyn began to shift in the bed. The movement startled Sanzo awake. Instinctively he unlocked his arms only to have Cyn roll over and burry his face deep into Sanzo's chest. The sharp smell of chlorine brought his senses to attention.
"Ah...Cyn-kun, you're still here." Sanzo glanced at the digital alram clock atop his dresser. "Only seven, good, got about 2 hours to kill before I have to get ready. If he's still sleep, I'll just leave him here when I leave."
Sanzo snuggled back up to Cyndir like he was a large stuffed animal. He moved a hand from Cyn's lower back to the rear of his head. He softly caressed the boys hair and felt Cyn driftted back into a deep sleep.
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 9:57 pm
Cyndir smiled in his sleep, his subconscious mind enjoying the feeling of being near someone. He sighed, feeling the warmth of another body next to his. Wait...something stirred in the back of his mind. Why was it so bright? He didn't get the sun in his room until afternoon...
His eyes slowly opened, and he groaned sleepily. What happened? He remembered being in the TV lounge...everything was fuzzy after that...
He closed his eyes again, trying to sort everything out. He remembered having a nightmare, and Sanzo was there...He froze solid, as he suddenly became aware of his surroundings. It wasn't a dream...His mind went immediately to the kiss. Had he...He didn't...did he? Cyndir stayed absolutely still, his breath catching in his chest. A small squeak found its way out of him.
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:25 pm
"Ah Cyn-kun, you're awake now. Did you sleep well?"
Sanzo loosened his grip on the boy when he heard him squeak. Sanzo sat up on the bed and began filling in the blanks for Cyndir. He was obviously confused on how he ended up in Sanzo's bed.
"You fell asleep before the movie was over so I brought you here. You did warn me about going into your room. Plus, it's a long a** walk when you're carrying someone else around. My room just seemed sensible."
He reached over to the dresser and put on his glasses. He continued with more details of the night.
"I had gave you the bed, and I was on the floor." He pointed to the pile of blankets on the floor. "But then you had some bad a** dream or something. It seemed to stop once I held you, so..."
Sanzo blushed a bit before he finished the sentence. "So, I just climbed into bed with you and stayed here all night. You asked me to stay with you." He lowered his head as if he was being scolded like a small child would.
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:44 pm
Cyndir's mouth moved soundlessly a few times, and he blinked stupidly. How much was a dream? Did Sanzo...did Sanzo kiss him? He felt extremely mixed up, looking back and forth from Sanzo to the blankets on the floor, and back to Sanzo. He sat up, and buried his face in his hands, wishing he could just disappear right at that very moment. What exactly had happened? He remembered the nightmare. He'd had it before. He didn't want to, didn't dare ask what happened. He wanted to believe that kiss was just a dream. It was bad enough Sanzo had to see him like that. But somewhere, in a place Cyndir would not admit exsisted, he didn't want it to be a dream. Something flooded his mind, and his face suffused with color. He could feel the heat under his concealing hands, and was glad his face was hidden from view behind a thick screen of bangs. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked up. He felt a strange twang of guilt, seeing Sanzo looking like he'd done something wrong. Had he really asked him to stay with him?
"Sanzo-san...did anything....Did anything else...happen?" he asked in a small voice, pinching his eyes shut and drawing his knees up to his chest. Don't let it be true. Don't let it be true....But what if it is? Is it really so bad? Yes! Yes it's bad! He's a boy! You're not supposed to -- Who says? Renji seems happy enough. I'm not Renji! What about how you felt every time Sanzo came near you? Looked at you? NO! I can't have kissed him! But it was just a kiss...But but but.... He couldn't look at Sanzo. He was too scared the boy would see the confliction in his head. Yeah, Cyndir, cuz you're not making it obvious enough already. Get a grip on yourself.
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Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 11:21 pm
"Um...well...there was kinda...a little kiss or two."
Sanzo replayed the kisses in his head. He had been thinking about it them until he fell asleep holding Cyn.
"I...I...I'm sorry Cyn-kun. I just couldn't...well...I just couldn't help it. I was trying to calm you down and...I just...all I could think of was...'Kiss him, just kiss him'. I thought I was helping but...I guess I just made things worse."
Sanzo removed his glasses and wiped the tears from his face. He hadn't even noticed he was crying.
"It's just that...well...I really...um...I really..." Sanzo squirmed a bit as he tried to tell Cyn how he felt. "I just really...like you Cyn-kun. I'd never want to do anything to hurt you."
He buried his face in his hands and apologized repeatedly as he tried to hide his tears from Cyn's view.
"Was it really so wrong? It didn't feel wrong to me. They were innocent kisses. I didn't try anything else. I'd never do something like that."
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:01 am
Cyndir knew his face had to be the color of a tomato by now. He had...he'd kissed him...It wasn't a dream. He cringed, remembering it. But...it hadn't been so bad...had it?
No! No, you were just half asleep! You were scared. That's all it was! You weren't thinking.
But then why did it feel so right? Why do you feel the way you do around him?
He started to move, uncoiling slowly from where he sat. No no no! You idiot! What are you doing? Do you have any idea how much they'll tease you now? You thought it was bad before? Wait till they find out that it's all true!
But look at him...he really cares about you...Are you just going to let him sit there? He crawled across the bed, in front of Sanzo.
What are you doing? Stop it!
No. It's right. This is right.
"Sanzo-kun...." he said quietly, and without another word, he wrapped his arms around Sanzo's waist and leaned against his chest. "Don't cry, Sanzo-kun..." he whispered, though he knew there were tears beginning in his own eyes. "I was teased when I was a kid. My mom...she told me it was bad for boys to be together. You have to promise me..." Cyndir buried his face against Sanzo's chest as he felt the tears slide down his cheeks. "Promise me you won't tell anyone about this...Promise me, Sanzo-kun."
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:20 am
Sanzo stopped crying and a slight smile crossed his face. He was almost shocked when Cyn hugged him so abruptly. It was the last thing he expected after feeling as though he betrayed Cyndirs trust somehow.
"I...I swear Cyn-kun. No one will ever hear it from me Cyn," Sanzo wrapped his arms around the boy as he clung to him. "I promise."
Sanzo stroked Cyn's hair as they embraced. The feelings from holding Cyn through the night began to rush back. Sanzo felt as though he had something to protect now.
"I won't let them make fun of you Cyn. If so they'll answer to me. I'll gladly accept any punishment that given, just to protect you Cyn-kun"
Sanzo kissed Cyndir on the forehead and squeezed just a bit tighter. "That I also promise you."
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:11 am
Cyndir closed his eyes, letting Sanzo hold him. He knew it wouldn't be forever, he knew this couldn't last. His arms tightened convulsively around Sanzo's waist. As soon as they walked out that door, would he have to forget this ever happened? But he didn't want to. He tried to put words to how he felt...
Safe... the word came back into his mind from the night before. Sanzo's prescence made him feel safe. But he shook his head and looked up at Sanzo.
"I can't...I can't let you..." he said quietly. How could he put it into words? He looked at the doorway, and had to blink back tears. There was no such thing as 'safe' in Midori. His fingers brushed against the collar around Sanzo's neck, then the identical one around his own. He flung himself against Sanzo's chest again. He couldn't...If something happened to Sanzo because of him....
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:33 am
"Don't worry about me Cyn-kun. I can take care of myself. It's you I'm concerned for." Sanzo lifted Cyn's chin towards him and gazed into his eyes.
"I don't think I could live with myself if something happen to you. I can't watch another person I love be hurt." Sanzo's mind went to the day his parents were gunned down, his last day of real freedom.
"This will be our little secret, I won't tell anyone if you won't."
With that said Sanzo gazed deep into Cyn's warm but scared eyes. The boy trembled as he gripped Sanzo. Sanzo tilted his head forward and drew close to Cyn's lips.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:54 am
Cyndir felt the tears slide down his cheeks. It wasn't fair...
He shook his head as Sanzo spoke. His mind screamed at him again. You see? Stop while you can! Don't dig yourself in any deeper! But he couldn't fight it, didn't want to fight it. He felt his body shaking. Why was he so afraid? He locked eyes with Sanzo, and felt himself lost in that crystal regard, as he drew closer. Their lips met, and a spark fired in his mind. He nearly melted in Sanzo's embrace. It was the way it should be...wasn't it? No. It couldn't be this easy...Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!
"STOP IT!" he cried, shoving away from Sanzo, and backing up against the headboard. He curled into a little ball and tucked his face into his arms, away from the hurt he knew must have been on Sanzo's face. He felt as pathetic as he must have seemed, but he couldn't fight with that scream in the back of his mind.
"We can't..." he mumbled, cringing away into the corner between headboard and wall, wishing he could just vanish, wishing he could make it so this never happened, that he could wish away all the feelings he knew he had. "It isn't right...Just not right....No..." Tears washed down his cheeks, as he hid from Sanzo. "I'm...I'm sorry...." he winced when his voice cracked.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:15 am
"No...Cyn-kun...it's not your fault. I should have never...I crossed the line. I'm sorry."
Sanzo began to reach for Cyndir but pulled back. He was afraid of what might happen if he touched him. It could really make things worse than they had already become.
"I just wish I could make it all better Cyn, but I just don't know how. I just...I don't know..."
Sanzo dropped his feet to the floor and buried his face in his hands.
"Everthing has to be so hard. Why does it have to be wrong Cyn? Why can't people just be with who they want to be with. Why does everyone have to be so damn cruel."
Sanzo pounded his hand against the frame of the bed. The metal springs jingled from the shock. He could barely hold his emotions in check. The crying had already started again, and before Sanzo knew it, his cheeks were wet with tears.
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