Welcome to Gaia! ::

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im putting this here cuz i think that if i put it in the video forum again Dementia would get mad again but this time try to kill me[jk] but if youre ever on youtube and wanna see somethin dragonballz based bust-a-gut funny look up alternate reality dragonballz[im watching it right now, it has lots of jokes that build on each other throughout the series which is about 40 clips long i think] o crap what if she sees this on here gonk SHE WILL KILL ME!!!

"I was playing poker with tarot cards the other night... I got a full house and four people died." -Steven Wright

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?

Gah, I gotta move to the next class, here's the rest of em:


Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

Most nudists are people you don't want to see naked.

I'm one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

He was hairier than Chewbacca dipped in Rogaine.

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

I was more nervous than a ceiling fan storeowner with a comb-over.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Remember: First you pillage then you burn.

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Can we ever really know when our philosophy assignment is due?

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.

If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?

Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."

Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

A good pun is its own reword.

For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

I love cats; they taste just like chicken.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Look out for #1, and don't step in #2, either.

Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.

A day without sunshine is like night.

A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.

Clones are people two.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.

*catches breath* i dont mind hugs but it fells more like being choked when you do it! now you better start doing it right or im gonna go Super Sayian and be like ka-ma-ha-ma-HHHHAAAAA!!!!!![just like gohan] and you go burning_eyes [just like cell]
by the way how did you do that shadow thing?

sweatdrop confused right..... i can do it cuz i went to the dark side[turns into a shadow and begins sinking into the wall]
[salty kicks down the door] saltrock- did i hear u say u went to the dark side again!?!?! mad
fsujs- but they have brownies!! they do taste alil funny though
saltrock- that's cause they dont sugar!!! they use sweet'n low!!!!
fsujs- no, no, thats not true! its impossible!!! nnnnnnnnoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
[to everyone that gets that last line please say NERD!!!!!]

What is the meaning of my bellybutton?

We are 3/2 of a whole stupid.

Second place is first looser.

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