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Aeris Avalon Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 1:25 pm
*hugs Sakura* How is it we always start on the same day almost?
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 7:43 pm
I come home to find my entertainment area in disarray. I have an extra cord out in the garage for hooking the PS2 to the TV so that I don't have to mess with my setup in my bedroom, but someone disregarded that. It took me forever to get it back to the way that it was before. And I don't play DVDs on my PS2 anymore since it scratched up one of them bad enough to prevent it from playing... Guess what the PS2 was being used for? Disney no less!
My back also hurts from not having a bed to sleep on this morning when I did get a couple hours of sleep.
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:00 pm
I asked Dad to go cash my income tax return check and while they were out Mom suggested that the money be used to make another car payment, even though it was short of making a full payment and I was covered until the month of June anyway. I needed that money to last me until my next paycheck... sweatdrop I dislike when people just assume things.
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 2:33 pm
I hate that soooooo much...
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Aeris Avalon Vice Captain
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Destiny Winguard Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:38 am
I get that alot too from my folks.
Can loan me this or can you cover that.
Which annoys me since i go through this:
me- I do not have any money
them- Well why not?
me- Cause i spent it
them- On what?
me- On hobby stuff.
them- Well if you have money to waste on yourself maybe we should up the rent.
(note: For each paycheck i get, 50% goes into an account that i cannot touch save for special requests from the folks, and then I pay the folks $100 a month... so my "rent" so to speak is 1/2 my paycheck + $100)
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 4:33 am
My most favorite quotes about money goes as follows:
Where does all your money go?
If you have so much to spend on animes and your conventions then you can help pay for more bills too.
And I saved up 300 dollars for AX which I ended up giving to my mother. I hope I can make up that much and an extra 250 for spending/food by the time the con gets here. stressed *shakes fist*
I still have a $300 something carnote to pay as well as a $93 mobile bill and $47 something comes out for HER insurance. All of these deductions happen after I give her money. So growl-worthy..
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Ore wa Hiaki Mahaado da Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 2:42 pm
why is it that the only things in the house that are shorter then me that DON'T give me problems are the ones with more the two legs?
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Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 11:12 am
I'm sorry Hiaki. sad As for me... I've just been super depressed lately. No clue why.
But, I miss seeing Hiaki and I miss the ability to go online at home, damn it! scream
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Destiny Winguard Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 8:52 pm
lets see my problems that make me mad...
Single.
INFECTIOUS HEAD!!! (aka i have a contageous scalp problem and am on STRONG antibiotics)
And not getting enough hours from work.
Happy Days
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 11:19 am
WORK IS MAKING ME A SAD PANDA!
I'm seriously burnt out. We've been getting call volume that we don't have enough people to cover so they keep driving to make our call handle time lower when it's seriously impossible because people who actually call a tech support line are complete idiots to the product. Little things that been happening constantly that annoy me are the following:
People who sent in their PSPs to the Exchange center for one issue and the refurbished unit has a completely different issue which makes it needs to be sent in AGAIN. I don't blame these people getting pissed off about that, but who gets the bitching from these people? Me and my fellow co-workers. I wish we did actual repairs on the PSPs so the consumers can get their original units back but noo, repairs are only done in the two MTC locations in Canada. Things like this is what makes me say that the US fails at life and makes me want to be in Japan for reliable electronics. *takes a breath*
People who call in saying "My childs/niece/nephew/grandsomething or other's PSP isn't working. I don't know anything about this thing so I need it repaired." WHY THE ******** ARE YOU CALLING A TECHNICAL SUPPORT LINE IF YOU DON'T KNOW JACK s**t ABOUT THE PRODUCT?! HAVE THE LITTLE SPAWN OF FAILURE BE AROUND TO DO THE TROUBLESHOOTING IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE GODDAMNED SYSTEM. AND DON'T GET PISSED OFF BECAUSE WE NEED TO TROUBLESHOOT BEFORE WE CAN OFFER TO GET THE SYSTEM SENT IN TO THE SERVICE FACILITY YOU ASSHOLES. *takes another breath*
Last is Management for work. I was going to quit without even having a new job. I was just going to quit and leave and rid myself of the headache, but one person who isn't even management talked me into staying. He's a sweetie and he's even going to teach me how to draw anime style better. So, management decided since he got me to stay, I'm under his supervision so I'm in limbo. I'm not on the Quality Assurance team but I'm not a regular agent, I still have supervisor access since when I was a supervisor yet I have to still take regular phone calls. The OM or head boss guy in easier terms said he was going to help me get a raise by putting me on Salary, I just need to finish the supervisor training book. I'm only two chapters away from finishing said book but guess what? HE WENT ON VACATION THIS WEEK AND DIDN'T TELL ME A GODDAMN THING. I'm going to kick his a** in Soul Calibur III for this injustice. *deep sigh*
Also, last bit of ranting that is slightly job related. The crush.. Yes, the guy from work. He frustrates me to the point that if I catch him alone outside of work, I might just jump him. No, I won't rape him but I'll seriously glomp and latch onto him and won't let go. He's tall enough for me to pull a koala move. I'll just say I have to keep him and be done with it.
Kinda the same with this one guy on Gaia that's local too. I want to latch onto him and coo like a fangirl. Damn cute guys to hell. I want my hormones deactivated again like when I was 13. *sniffles*
I think I'm good now. I really needed to vent.
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Aeris Avalon Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 12:44 pm
I think the words I hate more than any other have to be, easily, "I love you."
I can't stand hearing those words.
It hurts me every time.
It hurts me when I'm single again and three guys approach me at once, all of them dear friends of mine, seeking hope in the fact that a relationship of years has ended. It hurts me when I could only ever want to hear those words from one of them, and thus must dash the hearts of the two others. It hurts when I have to break peoples hearts because for whatever reason they keep ******** falling in love with me. I hate it. What the hell does anyone want with me, anyway? I've been damaged goods my entire life, a flawed gem from birth!
Why does anyone ever even care? I'm not normal, I'm not happy, I'm not cute. I've been a wreck since I was old enough to think clearly, warped and cynical from a bruisingly early age. I learned to play people when I was six years old, tricking my parents into thinking I still believed in Santa so they would still have to buy me more presents. After that it was all too simple to alter what other people thought, to push the right buttons. I was acutely aware of what other people thought and felt, always getting into fights and starting trouble. The teachers never liked me, I was cute but not sweet, so they put the other children before me. The other students thought I was scary, except for the few I saved from a couple of bullies I liked to beat up. Yes, you heard me. I beat them up. We'd get into fights when we got off the bus. I always won.
And then I hit high school, and suddenly a bright, beautiful, tough young girl was just what the guys thought they liked- until they actually dated me. It was one bad relationship after another, except for one slip of comfort, one guy that I met online of all places that really seemed to know me. My best friend broke us up. She also ended my relationship with the next guy I met, and then encouraged me into one that nearly destroyed me. I know she thought she was trying to take care of me, but I still bear the emotional scars of that one bad trip. I wish to hell he had hit me, even once. Then maybe my friends would have had him arrested and I'd have been saved a lot earlier.
After that came another relationship, one that I thought was forever, but in the end it wasn't meant to be. I felt shattered and alone, and no one ever knew because I took it with such a brave face, such an attitude of "it wasn't meant to be" that no one knew I was dying inside. And then one of my friends, one that I loved without really knowing it, stood up to the plate to help me out of it.
And so did two other guys.
Do you know how that feels? I bet not one of you can even imagine it. In two horrible weeks I'd come to have to take two of the dear friends I'd relied on so heavily and break them the same way I'd been broken too many times. I had to turn them away, holding on to the one I knew I could actually feel anything for. I got lucky this time. It didn't destroy them like it would have destroyed me. I didn't do any permanent damage.
And then three days ago the boy my best friend made me leave started speaking to me again.
We hadn't talked much over the years- not since she'd realized the error of her ways and claimed him for herself. It was too strange, too akward. I missed him. Part of me still loved him dearly. I wanted him back but knew I couldn't have him, couldn't hurt her like she had hurt me. She hadn't known what she was doing. I knew too well. I had to step back... even when she said he was coming to visit for her birthday. Later she told me it had been canceled, but he said no, it was still on, and asked for the location of the comic shop to stop in. I didn't realize until it was too late that she still didn't want him to come. The visit was for me alone. This was in January. We hadn't spoken since.
And then I sent him a story I'd written and he started hitting on me.
Things have apparently gotten rough between them. He was feeling his worst when I sent him my writing, and all I can figure is that it must have brought back memories. The only problem is, I'm in a new relationship now. I'm not allowed to want him back anymore. But when he starts talking to me, I start remembering everything we'd shared with each other. So I'm stuck with a choice: I can either hold on to what I have now and protect it, or I can try to take back what I lost all those years ago and see which suits me more. I basically had to choose between staying true to the guy I love now or cheating and possibly loosing him over it someday. I'll tell you this.
Cheating isn't hard. It's easy. It's saying no and backing away when all you want to do is give in that's hard. Even when you know you're doing the right thing, it hurts. None of this is right. None of this is fair. I don't even see why these people want me in the first place. I'm damaged and warped and the only reason people think I'm happy is because I'm a damned good actress. Except I'm getting tired of it. I've fought for my own survival my whole life, and I'm tired of acting, tired of fighting, tired of giving a damn any more. At the same time, I have too much pride to just give up and become another mindless doll being swept along by the drudgery around her. I've fought too hard for that.
I hate this...
I hate it when people say "I love you."
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 2:18 pm
Warning: This is the most you'll ever see me cuss or cry and yell mostly to myself and to anyone who cares to listen. Anyway.
GOD ******** DAMN IT. I ******** hate myself, why is it that whatever I do I end up screwing every little bit part of it? I can never do anything right and today I studied hours and hours over one particular subject and I completely ******** UP on ONE GOD DAMN PART! Shitty flash tutorials won't tell me why the damn thing remains invisible. ******** symbols and their damned movie clips.
My teacher was sitting right next to me because it was an evaluation quiz and when I couldn't fix the damn thing I ******** break down and cry, trying to bite my finger off just so I don't pitch a loud fit that the whole ******** world would be able to hear. My teacher basically runs away from me and I run to the bathroom, kicking and screaming at the walls and realizing: God damn it, I can't do anything but break down and cry. I'm such a pathetic excuse for a human being.
This is one of the FEW things I'm actually good at, something I actually want to study and something I want to excel well enough to make it my profession, but when I screwed up on that one damn symbol...I just broke. I'm so sick and tired right now, there's actually more then one ******** voice screaming at me in my head and everyone's telling me to 'Don't worry, it'll get better' and that's a stupid lie from their mouths and I know it. How can something get better after 10 WHOLE ******** YEARS.
This isn't the only thing that made me break I think though, just a load of s**t tumbling my way and I'm too busy attempting to take it in strive but it keeps going down and down. My body can't handle everyone's problems, but I try, I try too much and I'm so sick and tired because no one wants to listen to me. No one wants me to cry, because I'm the 'big sister'. I'm not anything more then a 'big sister'. My father says get a boyfriend, and I want one, but every time I look at a man, I flinch inwardly. I CAN'T HANDLE PEOPLE.
I can't handle seeing anyone in a relationship with me, it's like I want to disappear and I can't do that if I'm connected to anyone. I'm afraid that this fear will never go away, I'm afraid that I will never see anyone attractive. I know the basis of a relationship shouldn't start from how someone looks, but if I can't see anyone 'date' material, I'll be alone and I'm so afraid of that.
Then my grandmother comes out of nowhere because apparently grandpa is being a complete a** and...this is the grandma I knew my entire life to be cheerful and happy and take everything with no problem. Now I sit there every morning and hear her talk and I want to break down and cry because she wants too so badly. No one will let her though, because she has NO right to be sad now.
I'm afraid of being like her. She keeps saying 'You're exactly like me' and I'm afraid of that. I don't want to end up being like her, because I don't want to grow up old and see myself suffering like her. I don't want to have to retreat to my son's place just so I can get away from the evil known as a sacred matrimony that's lasted for over 50 years. I'm so afraid.
I'm so angry...I'm so sad...I don't know what to do anyone, I'm so ******** pathetic. I break down over the smallest of things, I let my temper rise so much and easily that people can be afraid of me, and...I listen too much.
I'm...just tired of it.
That is all, thank you.
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Ore wa Hiaki Mahaado da Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:02 pm
Hiaki Mahaado why is it that the only things in the house that are shorter then me that DON'T give me problems are the ones with more the two legs? ...apparently, this applies to electronics as well as to living things, seeing as how everytime i thing i've FINALLY fixed my computer...something ELSE goes wrong with it >< first, it was the video card...got it replaced. then, it was the power supply. The fan wasn't working right, so meh dad jury-rigged another fan to it. We later replaced the entire thing, cause it did SQUAT. Now, there's something ELSE wrong with it. For some reason of another, it concinues to die on be while I'm in the middle of doing what I would usually do after working for an ENTIRE DAY just fine >< this whole thing is really killing both my spirit and mood quickly. I just hope that nothing else needs to be replaced...
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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:20 pm
look out, here i go with random b*tching-
WHY do they NOT have season 0 of YGO on DVD!?!?!?!?!?
and WHY can i not get it off of that stupid TVtube thing on mac.com? i have tried, it has NOT WORKED!!! and i wish that it would!!!!
damn all of this technology!!!!! scream stressed
hey, i told you it was random.
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Ore wa Hiaki Mahaado da Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:57 pm
my computer's died...AGAIN. i'm on my brother's right now, but i don't wanna cut into his time on it, so i won't be on MSN messenger till i either fix my computer, which is more then unlikely because we suspect that the CPU crapped out on us this time, or put it on a new one.
i'll probably pop on every now and then, but not sure when, so...no breath holding
^^;
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