Welcome to Gaia! ::

Maybe you're right, Morgan. Let's go with ORANGE!!! heart

And Chris...if that's how you'd react, never babysit a child. Ever.

I've already babysat five kids, God rest their souls...

And I wanted to know something. Would anyone be willing to try and write an article about me?

Such a cruel fate.

I could try, but I'm not sure if I could do it justice. Your decision on that one Chris.

Okay. I think it'll be fun, so I'll give it a shot.

- General Information

A. Population Numbers

There is only one Circumambirdent, but people rarely mistake it for more than one of the species. In other words, Circumambirdent can be referred to as "the Circumambirdents". Granted, this doesn't make any sense, but it swept through the nation (see "The State of Floori(t)-DUH") along with other popular slang terms, such as "That boy fell out the window!" and "Slap that baby one more time.", both of which mean "I am a pop singer, and I'm about to do something bad to you just to prove that I'm not ashamed of myself".

B. Location and Origin

The actual location of the Circumambirdent has yet to be discovered. At the given moment, researchers Hank Hill and Pete Wentz (from Fall Out Boy and King of the Hill, respectively) are currently looking for this rare bird. Both have been missing for a month. The last time the two were seen is when they were staring in a snake monster movie (inspirationally called "The Ballad of Ricky Bobby") in which the main characters die at the end.

The origin of the Circumambirdent starts at the beginning of a two minute fight to the death in Super Smash Bros Melee, in which the contenders were Bowser and Yoshi. The first half of the fight went smoothly, but once Yoshi SUCKED BOWSER up as the giant toad/turtle thing FURIOUSLY JAMMED HIS JOYSTICK TO MAKE THE control OUTPUT work BETTER, the battle ended and the "laying of da egg" began.

The Yowshier that came out of this egg and gave birth to the first Circumambirdent after accidentally overeating at a Pi Eating Contest. The asexual dinsosaur [slash] turtle [slash] toad thing was rushed to the hospital a few minutes later, due to Math Poisoning. Later, the Yowsier was pronounced "M rated". This put an abrupt halt to the creature's career, since, at that time, "M-rated" games didn't exist.

C. Love Life

Katamari Damacy is the unofficial mate of the Circumambirdent, seeing as it usually plays the game about twenty five and a half hours each day. This allows the game to slowly and completely copy and record the DNA of the Circumambirdent, thus giving Katamari Damacy the ability to clone the Circumambirdent almost perfectly. It's too bad the game is always too busy acting stoned to even make a clone. Instead, Katamari Damacy makes the only brand of Milkshakes that can be inhaled, all of which smell somewhat like the Circumambirdent.

Despite not having an official mate, the Circumambirdent has an official mating call, as well as an official Mating Call Hot line.

- Subsection A: The Mating Call and Its History (And Some Junk in Parenthesis! WHEE!!!)

"Oh-da-lado-la-lo-ta-do-re-rai-rey-li-la-lo-loopa-lar-le" is the mating call of the Circumambirdent; the call is quoted directly from the (s)hit series, Rocket Power. It is drawn from the scene in which Otto hits the ground and twists his leg, thus opening a portal to "The Lost World" in slow motion...through his leg. This, of course, allowed the dinosaurs of "The Lost World" to slip into California, where they started the "All you can eat for only $3.99 Buffet" fad.

(Cici's Pizza later used this buffet idea to make a huge profit by allowing customers to eat as much cardboard pizza as their heart desired for only $3.99 per visit to the buffet table. Seeing that each pizza costs exactly $0.0045 to make, Cici's Pizza became very rich. Their new rise in cash allowed Cici's Pizza to run all the other Pizza Buffet Restaurants out of business by funding Pro Athletes in the local "Charity Runs", which were all done to fund Ronald McDonald's House of Gimme Money. The winners of these Charity runs hand over half of their profits to Ronald McDonald, whereas all the losers are sent straight to hell, where they are forced to sign Bankruptcy forms, as well as the occasional "Kick Me" sign.)

- Extra Information

A. What to do if you see a Circumambirdent out in the wild

Circumambirdents have a tendency to be very dangerous. Very, very dangerous. In fact, they're so dangerous, every villain in the James Bond series would be wiped off the map of Mexico if they encountered a Circumambirdent.

So, if you should ever encounter a Circumambirdent, do one of the following to avoid getting any level of "owie!":

1. Stop, drop, and roll!
2. Perform the Heimlich Maneuver!
3. Drop and give me twenty!
4. Use the force, young Skywalker!
5. Come to me...KINGDOM HEARTS!
6. Destroy all the aparoids!
7. Clear the course within the time limit!
8. Do not pass GO!
9. Watch X-Play, weeknights at 8:00 and 8:30!
10. Get a five on all the songs on expert!
11. Follow the yellow brick road!
12. Follow the yellow brick road to...SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTAAAAAAA(HHHHHHHH)!
13. Go to hell!
14. Call now!
15. Eat fresh!

(New methods of avoidance will be added as they are discovered to, at least, work on a minimal level (i.o.w. - if it is shown that at least one limp is intact after use of the method, it will be added))

Farley Grasshoppper

- General Information

A. Population numbers

Fossils have been found of this animal, dating far back to (July 20 divided by 0)th of the year 3.14159265. It is said that the worldly population of Farley Grasshoppers once ranged somewhere between 20 and 123456782, and some scientists [see: "Ellen Degeneres" and "Dora The Explorer"] are even attempting to narrow it down to a range of 21 to 123456781. These "fascinating creatures" (a quote from mass murder/former dictator, Ronald McDonald) were, however, wiped out when a gigantic flaming coconut hit the Earth (according to the Hawiian Punch theory which was widely accepted in the science community until recently). Suddenly, in the year 2lol, a lone Farley Grasshopper was found to have stabbed Steve Irwin through the tijibula bone with a chocolate cactus [see: "Crikey!"]).

In committing this most ironic and unforgivagble of murders, as well as leaving an easy-to-follow trail of peanut butter and jelly (plus the occasional baseball bat) behind as he fled, he was captured and convicted almost instantly. He was given the maximum penalty of the Antarctic justice system, which was to endure a year of talk show interviews. The following information was revealed through this torture.

B. Location and Origin

The Farley Grasshopper, who was the only one to survive the Coconut Cataclysm (survival story below) hid out for billions of years in the Japanese underground (details also below).

As for the origin, Farley Grasshoppers were origionally created by a very old and wise witch-doctor named Paris Hilton, who gave them extremely unique mating habits [see "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...", "WTF?", and "plunger"].

C. Love Life

The Farley Grasshopper could be called many things as related to his love life. In the ghetto, he'd be called the "playah." In the Animal Kingdom, he'd be called the "king of the jungle." In the House of Mouse, he'd be called the "Minnie Mouse." 'Nuff said.

- Talk Show Fun Facts...You May Begin Crying Now

-Farley Grasshoppers cannot be killed by regular means. They can only me destroyed by fire, something gigantic, coconuts, or any combination of the seven.

-Indeed, as stated above, there is only one Farley Grasshopper left. As for the others, the Coconut Cataclysm indeed did them in, and they fell victim to the depths of H-E-L-L (a.k.a. politics).

(Little Kid: "Oooooh! You said the P wooooord!"
Drunk Babysitter: "Yeah? Well shut up, you stupid little brat. And go to your room before I whack you over the head with this beer bottle."
Little Kid: "...F*** you.)

-The Coconut Cataclysm also pushed many other species to the brink of extinction, but you don't care, so why the p******s should I?

-Farley Grasshoppers have the uncanny ability to sense and track down any spinach within a 100-mile radius.

-Farley Grasshoppers hate both spinach and Popeye The Sailor Moon. But they love berries and creme. (That's another story.)

- Coconut Cataclysm, (and the Farley Grasshopper's Survival of it)


(More to come. I'll finish eventually.)