magnumT
I've watched it.
Frankly I found it pretty bad. It falls flat at the cringe inducing 'comedy', it fails at being The Iron Giant (mostly because Brad Bird is a master storyteller while Michael Bay is just a hack) and it even fails at the action. The camera neurotically twists and turns, no shot is longer than a couple of seconds, and there's no characters at all. Yes, an Autobot dies. NOONE gives a s**t. I don't even have an idea who it was, his death had all the gravitas of the death of a Star Trek Red Shirt ensign.
Hell it couldn't even concentrate for a few minutes on Optimus and Megatron's final battle.
I didn't care for the movie all that much either. Sure the Transformers got some recognition but where's the substance?
SPOILERS ABOUND!This movie just kept doing things that annoyed me:
• Bumble Bee can't talk because his voice what'sit is damaged? Okay, so Bumble Bee has brain damage . . . but it's all good because he's equipped with an AM/FM radio. This is just dumb.
• Jazz is uh . . . I don't even know where to begin. To start with I wasn't expecting Scatman Crothers to rise from the grave and reprise his role (although if he were still around to do it he would've given this movie some mad cool points that were badly needed). On the other hand I wasn't expecting this kind of reworking of the character either. I physically whenced at the introduction of his character "Yo what up bitches!" Oh my, the screen writer is just so "cool" he's so "down with it." It's like they're beating you over the head with a sledge hammer, okay yeah, Jazz is the "black" Transformer I got it! Jesus Christ! Then he gets killed off. So where they
trying to fulfill the movie cliché that the brother always gets killed? WTF? Man! Doubleyew Tee Eff!
• Ancient artifact as a plot device. The struggle for control over Cybertron and the search for more energy to power their war is apparently too complicated so we'll just pull out a tired old movie cliché: The ancient artifact of great power that spells certain doom if it falls into the wrong hands!
• The ancient artifact is hidden in the secret government lab under the Hoover Dam. What? Was the plot outline for this movie developed by a panel of twelve year olds?
• Humans have been reverse engineering the technology of Cybertron and that's were we gained the knowledge to build micro chips, cellphones, computers, etc . . . Oh please.
• When Megatron is finally freed from being encased in ice for eons he is plenty pissed but he still remembers to introduce himself properly before starting his rampage. "I AM MEGATRON!" Translation: we think the audience is too dumb to remember which robot is which so we'll have him say his own name to clear up any confusion.
• Wait a minute! The Autobots' and Decepticons' weakness is cold? We can freeze them? Somehow that makes them seem less imposing doesn't it?
• The interaction between Megatron and Starscream was notably lacking but then again not many of the robots had a whole lot of dialog or character. They all had personalities but not much substance.
• Optimus Prime says "My bad!" Wow, way to show us how hip are you guys are! Obviously the writers of this movie are still "cool", this line alone has informed me that "they're still down with it" and obviously "they can hang"! No they aren't pandering at
all with this, no way!
• What does the Allspark do? It has magic powers that turn any machine into a transformer . . . an aggressive stark raving lunatic transformer.
*raises an eyebrow* Ooooookaaaaaay . . .
• Robot designs look so muddled and complicated that at times during the action sequences I had a hard time figuring out what I was seeing.
• There's a Decipticon called Devastator but he's a big tank instead of- *sigh* never mind, you get it.
• The Transformers mode of space travel is hazy at best. They arrive on earth encased in meteorites or some crap and fall to the ground as giant fireballs.
• A friend of mine was doling out a lot of praise for the movie's references to the old series such as the Camaro Bumble Bee being parked next to a VW Bug or the cheesy "more than meets the eye" line. Personally I thought these were kind of shallow at best and the rest of the movie had me wondering if the writers had ever even
seen any Transformers cartoons.
• Human infantry on foot manage to hold off a hulking Decepticon. Okay so I'm kind of nitpicking on this one, but really, does anybody else feel that the Decepticons are heavily diminished as the antagonists when it turns out that the humans can just tweak a few things here and there and BLAMO! they can start blowing up the Decepticons on their very own? What do we even
need the Autobots for?
• The fight between Megatron and Optimus Prime is settled by . . . . . . SAM WITWICKY?!!! OH COME ON! WTF?!
