Welcome to Gaia! ::

I've been cutting since i was nine. Long time ago very long ago. until bout the time i joined Gaia i thought i had invented it i didn't know anyone else had done it. when i found out the large sumsof people that do i was overly surprised. i have been clean for about 2 months now trying to stop after 7 years is hard but not impossible. As far as bipolar goes I haven't been diagnosed and i don't think i suffer from it so yeah. BUt even though i am wierd hell i'm a teenager. I can't go to a therapist because my parents don't like them. So i'm kinda doomed to hear things and seen stuff until i grow out of it. I guess cutting reasurred me i was human and i was like everyone i could feel pain too. Along with wrist banging cutting head banging burning and all other sorces of pain.

I started self-injuring when I was around 10, when I first realized what my cousin did to me was a bad thing. I figured what happened, I deserved (I was raised as a Baptist by a Catholic grandma and a Christian mother) because I was always tld that God only give people what they deserve. So I thought of it as punishment, and it became punishment for myself to the point it became a reminder of how horrible I think I am. I used to do it on my wrists, not deep just about half an inch wide and 2 inches long. But then it spread to my legs, thighs, chest, and face. I recently stopped cutting my face because it became noticable. I still have scars of "Fake" and "Love me" on my leg and thigh, but the lined scars are just starting to go away. My mom knows I self-injure, and so does my school counseler who has been trying to help me but my mom won't listen to her and refuses to get my professional help to deal with my bipolar and self harm troubles.

i used to be a cutter but after a bit the pain went away and i got numb, i showed only my bf at the time what i did and never showed my parents although i think they found out. i was sexually abused and i find myself to be very submissive to this day. i cut bc i had nothing in life and i wanted the pain i felt at that moment to go away and be replaced with pain i could deal with. the pain i couldnt deal with would be the abuse i got from my previous bf's and other relationships. but when the pain of cuttin went away i was faced with the harsh reality of the the real world again.

i dont cut anymore, but i replace the pain with my art now and i express my pain, sorrow and other feelings through my art. i hope i explained myself in a way you could understand

bein raped sux, not a day goes by that i dont have even the slightest bit of flashback of them all

Krazed: that's awful. I absolutely hate it when you trust someone and then they go and tell everyone your secrets or make fun of you for it, especially for serious things like that...I hope you have the support you need...

EDIT: On Topic: I'm not bipolar (I have depression, though, and I suspect possibly Borderline but that's just my own possible ideas) but I do cut...I stopped for a while, and I was very proud of myself...I started clawing at myself with my nails (which are very sharp, so I could even draw blood if I tried hard enough) and then I started cuting again, although generally not with intent of suicide....Anywho, I wasn't abused or anything, I just use it as an expression...I've taken to drawing things in blood....it's a kind of morbid art....

I for sure have depression and I might have bipolar disorder
and I do cut the longest I have gone without cutting before isalmost 6months last year well as of now ther is no way I can do that so yes I prently do cut

Erm, well I'm not a self-injurer but I've cut myself before when contemplating suicide. Instead of actually going through with it I'll just make cuts on my wrist and/or arm. I've done this about three times. One time was when I was drunk, and I don't remember it (I was also on my mood stabilizers, so I could have ended up in the hospital with toxic lithium levels actually). My husband says apparently I told him I hated him and that I was going to kill myself, and I ran into the kitchen and started cutting myself with the knives. Sure enough, I woke up and there were cuts all over my left arm.

The most annoying part is how long it takes for the scars to go away once the cut heals, and having to explain them to someone (since it's hot I can't hide them under a sweater or anything, and putting bandaids on them just attracts more attention). I usually just say I have a cat and blame it on that (I do have a cat, but it lives with my parents since I can't own pets in my apartment).