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holy s**t, I remember some of my school tormentors' names--and those I don't I could find in the yearbook!

*makes a note to look up the assholes on Myspace at some point* xp

Well, I was always a wimp. I got beaten on a few times but usually I resorted to the "flight" response for any F or F situation.

That's basically me in a nutshell.

Pyre - That's horrible. I was never bullied to that degree, but some pretty bad things were done to me. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. And what you're still going through, oy. I'm looking forward to the day you move out for you.

I have some major health issues, and they're bad enough to deal with, and then you add the people. God, I hate some people. I've had classmates and teachers tell me that I'm not really sick and that I'm just faking. I've had classmates come up to me after I've been out of school for awhile and tell me that they thought I had died. I've had teachers tell me that I would never make it in the real world. I've had teachers tell me that I wasn't smart enough to make it in the real world with my problems. I've had classmates and teachers alike be total asses toward me. It's not easy. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so quiet and reserved. I don't like to draw attention to myself lest someone find out that something's wrong with me and think that I'm some sort of freak. I've watched home videos that my parents shot of me in my preschool days and younger, before I got sick, and I was actually pretty outgoing. I know that most kids are outgoing and carefree, but I still stick to my theory that being sick has changed the way I act around people.

I never got bullied that much when I was younger. The only incident I can think of was when some girl said t ome in preschool, "You can't be in our club, you have black hair, not brown hair!" But that's kind of silly and I don't think that bothered me too much.

If anything, I have too much self confidence. I'm fairly vain and I'm not afraid to say it. I come off as really concieted and bitchy to just about everyone who meets me until they really get to know me. My closest friends thought I was a b***h when they first met me. But none of that makes me a "bad person", so whatever. It probably has something to do with the fact that I don't take s**t from people when they insult me and I take "the high road" in a lot of situatiions. I just find that it keeps me out of stupid disputs that don't need to happen.

However, when people compliment me, my reactions vary from modest to, well, not so modest. xd If people start complimenting my artwork (especially if it's not finished) I go, "ehhh, I don't know..." I'm my own harshest critic.

I get really defensive about a few things though. Like my weight and my Chinese-ness.

I used to get called anorexic a lot, and it really, really bothered me. While I am over-crtical of my own skinny figure, I like the way I look, but I wouldn't mind if I put on a few pounds either. Whatever happens, happens.

And for my ethnic background... other Chinese/Asian kids I know have always seemed to have a hard time accepting me. They ragged on me for looking "half white" or that I was a "twinkie". It's kind of funny though, because half the time I'm more "Chinese" than they are. I just don't have an accent because I'm second generation and most of the mare first. I embrace my culture and our customs- many of them seem to be still trying to "fit in" with the rest of white America. Or black America. lol That's why I feel uncomfortable in situations with a lot of other Asian people (especially girls); I feel like they're always so disapproving of me.

As did mine. =)

Wurd.


I think most "3rd culture" kids have cultural identity issues at some point in their lives. Back at international school, I remember being Vietnamese by blood, American by nationality, residing in Thailand, and thoroughly confused about which culture I ought to identify with. I didn't fully fit any of those, and I always felt left out. It's hard to feel like you "belong" anywhere when you lose your sense of culture - American culture included.

This region of California is pretty much dominated by Asian Americans, so I have no problem meeting first/second/how-long-have-you-been-here?! generation kids. But while a lot of kids [especially in international school] hang out in ethnic packs, I've always found that I "fit in" more away from my ethnic background. I'm oblivious to Asian pop culture, I don't speak the "language of my people" fluently, and generally my attitude and mannerisms just don't fit in with the same kind of people. I've been called "whitewashed" by my Asian friends, and the "girl with weird cultural customs that make no sense" by close-minded non-Asians.

After moving to the states I came to accept that I'm simply American. That's the best I can do, it's the label on my passport, the only thing I really have proof of.



And parents are definitely critics. neutral
They just want the best for you, but sometimes it's hard to see that. My mom is always telling me how to 'improve' my body - I know she's just trying to optimize my appearance, and she loves me to pieces regardless of how I look, but I can't help but think "she thinks you're fat/ugly." It can be discouraging. And when I was young my grandma would tell me to get plastic surgery on my nose, or how fat my arms are... and in middle school, this girl would constantly tell me I should put on make-up, because I "looked like a boy." Do we WONDER why I don't think I'm pretty? xD

I agree with you sirius that our parents are just tryign ot help us out... but it can almost seem liek they're trying to squash our egos on purpous X_x oh that's an ugly thought *bonks it out of my head*

course i think mums of any origin tend to be a bit eh... critical of us (or mayeb that's justa thing with daughters in general?).


and all of you guys are so pretty heart I'm surprised it's even questioned. xd

and thanks for the compliments X3