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> > A Dutchman, a Frenchman, and an American are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

> > The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was
done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows
could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the
Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The American was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheik turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the
world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you
may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the American
replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. "And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheik asked.

The American replied: "Tie the Frenchman to my back."

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to! the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that . That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that s**t again, you're in my closet now!"

3 guys a maori, caucasian and samoan, had to use cigarette in a sentence maori says " I bought a packet of cigarettes ". Caucasian says " I smoked a cigarette " Samoan says " my ungle is touch me and he tell me to keep it a cigarette ".

There was a man who was wandering without food or water. Right when he was on the brink of dying from exhaustion, thirst, and hunger, he wandered upon a buddhist temple. He begged and pleaded to the monks there to give him some water and a place to stay. The monks kindly welcome him in, give him food and water, and a bed to sleep in.

As the man is laying there, trying to sleep, he hears a loud noise. A constant, loud, thumping noise that is keeping him from sleeping. Annoyed and curious, the man gets up and follows the sound of the noise. He goes left right left left left right right left left right left right right right left left left right left and finds a door. Entrigued, he tries to open the door but finds it is locked. A monk appears and tells him, "I can't let you pass this door. You aren't a monk." The man is so interested, he goes through the training and everything and becomes a monk.

One night, he heard the same loud noise. He got out of bed and followed the noise again. He goes left right right left right right left right left left left right right left right left left right left right right right left left right and finds the same door. The monk appears and the man says, "I did your training and became a monk. Now let me through this door." The monk nods his head and the door opens. The man goes through, hears the sound, follows it, and goes left right right left left right left left left left left right right left right right left right left left right right left and finds another door. He tries to open it but it is locked. Another monk appears and says, "I can't let you through this door. You have not yet performed 2 marriages." The man is still interested in the noise so he waits and performs 2 marriages.

One night, he heard the same noise once again. He got out of bed, followed it, and went right left left right left left right right right right left left right left right right left left right right right left left right and finds the first door. The monk appears and the man says, "I am a monk. Let me through." The monk opens the door and the man goes through going left right right left right left right right left left right left left left right right left left left right left and finds the second door. The monk appears and the man says "I have performed 2 marriages. You must let me through." The monk opens the door and the man goes through, still hearing the noise even louder now. He goes right right left right left left right right left right right left left left right right left right left left right left left right right left left left left and finds another door. There he finds yet another door that is locked. A monk appears and says "I can't let you through. You have not yet performed 5 funerals." His mind set, the man waits and performs 5 funerals.

One night, he heard the same noise again and he rushed out of bed. He ran left left right left left right right right left left right left left right right left left left left right right right left left right left right left right right left and comes upon the first door again. Hurriedly, the man says to the monk, "I am a monk! Let me through!!" Once the door is open, the man runs right right left left right left right right left left right right left right left left left right left right right left left left right left and comes upon the second door. "I have performed 2 marriages!! Let me through!!" he says to the monk. When the door is opened, he runs through going right right right left right left left left right right left left right left right right left right left right right and finds the third door. "I have performed 5 funerals!! You must let me through!!" The monk opens the door and the man stands there, amazed. ................What? You wanna know what he saw?? I can't tell you, you aren't a monk.

a guys mother comes to live with him and she's there for a couple of weeks. He goes shopping and comes home to find her on the floor so he calls 911 and gets his mother to a hospital. He's pacing around in the waiting room then the doctor comes out and says he has good news and bad news, the guy says "oh lord well i'll take the bad news first" . So the doctor startsup the problems " Well she didn't die but she had a massive heart attack and she'll probably live for another 20-30 years but the attack has rendered her speechless all she makes knoww is this horrible gurgling noise, also she can't feed herself or chew so you'll have to feed her baby food 3 times a day for the next 20-30 years and the last thing wrong is that it has rendered her incompetent so you'llhave to change her and clean her for the rest of her life."
Then the guy says " oh lordy then whats the good news."
the doctor turns around and says " enhhh im just joshing you she died!" lol lol lol lol

i liked that doctor one ^_^ k it's my turn now! and i have quite a few @_@

This is a good one ^_^


There were three guys a Chinese a Mexican and a American the Chinese guy said egg rolls egg rolls egg rolls all I get is egg rolls if my wife makes me egg rolls one more time I’m gonna jump of the bridge the Mexican guy said I know what u mean tacos tacos tacos all I get is tacos if I get tacos one more time I will jump of the bridge the American guy said I no what u mean bologna and cheese bologna and cheese bologna and cheese if I get bologna and cheese 1 more time I will jump of the bridge the next day they jumped of the bridge the news person was interviewing the wives the Chinese persons wife said I don’t know what was the matter he said he loved my egg roles the Mexicans wife said I don’t know what was the matter he said he loved my tacos the Americans wife said I don’t know what the h*** his problem is he made his own lunch.

Haha I liked the 3rd blonde joke a lot. HAHA I like the food one too. xd And I'm just glad you saved the best for last 3nodding