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 Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:33 am
The sound made Riker wince. It wasn’t loud, but the sharpness of it seemed to break the fragile quiet.
“Jules--... does it hurt when it does that?” His voice had lowered, gentle with concern. He pushed himself up onto an elbow as he watched Julian’s hand move over his own jaw. “That didn’t sound great. How long has it been doing that?”
It wasn’t the first time, but maybe the first time he saw Julian actually react to it. Usually it was in the dark when he couldn’t tell exactly what bone was settling into place.
Still, Riker hesitated, as though debating on whether he should say more or just leave it at that.
“Did the dentist say anything about it? Or your doctor?” he couldn’t help but ask, and when Julian didn’t immediately move away, Riker reached out -- slow and cautious -- to rest his fingertips just beneath his cheekbone.
“Can I?” he asked quietly, before starting to massage small, careful circles along the joint. “Sometimes it helps if you press here. Or… here,” he said as his thumb traced along the edge of his jaw, testing the tension before trying to ease the pressure.
“Does that hurt? Uh… I might have had my jaw dislocated before. A while ago, not when I knew you,” he quickly added, not wanting Julian to worry. He kept his touch light, ready to pull away if Julian indicated he didn’t want the contact. He kept his tone steady, although the closeness made his heartbeat quicken before he realized what it was doing. The flicker of light from the TV cast colors of blues and gold over Julian’s face, movement that Riker’s eyes followed instinctively, absently. Somewhere between thought and instinct, his thumb slid upward, brushing a strand of hair from Julian’s face.
It lingered there for a second too long. Long enough for him to realize it.
He cleared his throat softly, pulling his hand back so he could rest it against the edge of the pillow instead of Julian’s skin.
“You, uh… shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of thing all the time. Maybe we can figure out what helps. Heat pack, or something… Maybe Soleiyu has something weird and useful.”
Then, a faint smile tugged at his lips, sheepish but sincere. “You don’t give me trouble. You never do. You just--...” He stopped himself before he said too much, then shook his head and let the words ease into something softer. “You just make me care a lot, that’s all.”
Just like he couldn’t help but worry about some strange ghost on his Wonder, maybe or maybe not being nice to him.
He huffed quietly and glanced back at the TV screen like he needed something else to look at.
“If your jaw keeps doing that, promise you’ll tell me. Or at least let me help.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:33 am
While Riker massaged his face, Julian stayed perfectly still. Not frozen like a frightened animal, but patient, like he was tolerating the touch. He couldn’t make eye contact, not when that level of closeness was so intimate, so he let his gaze wander upwards to the ceiling while Riker massaged circles into his sore face.
It wasn’t a lingering sensation, and already whatever discomfort he felt had halved, and the rest would follow soon.
“It doesn’t hurt,” Julian was quick to assure. “It feels weird, but I don’t think I’d call it painful. Um, it wasn’t doing it as often back when I had my last checkups. I didn’t say anything. It didn’t seem like a big deal. And I don’t…um. Well, I don’t really talk much for those. Sorry,” he said quickly.
“It’s just loud. I promise, you’ll definitely know if it keeps doing it.” Julian yawned most often while he was in his room, particularly in bed. It was probably hard to miss when they went to sleep and woke up next to each other. “It’s not dislocated, I promise. Look,” he said, and opened his mouth as wide as it would go before closing it and then repeating several times.
Twice his jaw clicked, and on the third time it cracked again. “Oh–sorry, no, I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, and again covered his mouth. This time, he moved his fingers in the same circular patterns Riker had just done. “That was dumb of me. I don’t know what I was trying to prove, I knew it would do that. It only makes that noise when I move my jaw in weird ways. It doesn’t even usually happen when I’m chewing. It gets a little warm when I do that, but it’s not even like a toothache. I don’t even think I need a heat pack, it goes back to normal so quickly that it wouldn’t even have time to heat up before it went away. It’s done this since I was young.”
He dug his fingers in a little deeper, a little less gentle. “But I thought I grew out of it.”
He didn’t move to reposition himself, but he let his eyes find Riker’s face in the darkness. “You dislocated your jaw before? Or, I mean–does it give you any trouble now?”
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:34 am
Riker flinched when Julian forced his jaw open again, not because of the sound itself, but because of how casually he’d done it.
“Hey, careful,” he winced, hand hovering like he wanted to stop him if he tried again. Not that he’d really be able to stop him from popping his jaw.
When Julian looked at him, Riker’s expression softened into something almost like shame.
“Yeah… I, uh… I’ve had it dislocated before. Not from anything recent,” he said as he absently rubbed his jaw where it likely used to hurt, but his eyes were focused on the blanket. “It doesn’t bother me much anymore. Sometimes it pops, but mostly it’s fine now.”
He hesitated. That should have been the end of it. It would have been easier to leave it there. But the truth pulled at him anyway, heavy and familiar.
“I, um… I didn’t really do it to myself, though,” he continued, quieter. “My mom-- uh… she drinks a lot. Said things she shouldn’t have said. Did things she shouldn’t have done.”
He paused, not because he wanted to check if he was getting sympathy, but to make sure Julian was still okay hearing it.
“I think that time she was mad because I didn’t put the dishes away fast enough. I don’t remember why. Just remember her hitting me and then… it made a noise, kind of like yours did. I couldn’t open my mouth all the way for a week. She always said I deserved it. For making her mad. For existing.”
Riker let out a quiet exhale and shook his head as if to dismiss it. It didn’t matter any more. His voice softened. “I didn’t fight back. I didn’t even cry. I thought if I was good enough -- quiet enough -- she’d stop.”
He swallowed, and the hand closest to Julian shifted, brushing against his arm in a light, grounding touch.
“I know better now. I know it wasn’t my fault. It’s just… weird. Talking about it still makes me feel like I’m breaking a rule.”
The next breath he drew was a bit steadier, but still a little shaky. “Anyway… that’s why I knew what to do when it popped. It’s not dangerous unless you can’t close your mouth after. Or open it. I’m glad yours isn’t like that.”
Absently, he let his fingers trace over Julian’s arm. “Sorry if that was too much. I just… didn’t want to lie,” he said softly. “You can tell me things like that too, you know. Anything. Even the stuff that feels weird to say out loud.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:34 am
Julian looked briefly sorry for the dramatics about his jaw, but the apologetic expression hardly lingered.
As Riker spoke, something else crept in–a quiet, unsettled grief that moved slowly across his face. Silence came easy to him. He listened, without interruption and without judgment.
When Riker’s hand brushed his arm, Julian moved again. Slow and deliberate, he cradled Riker’s hand loosely between both of his own, thumbs gently brushing across his palm.
“It’s not too much,” he reassured gently, inching a little closer so he could rest his forehead against Riker’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you went through that. It really sounds scary. And difficult.”
His thumbs moved predictably, in steady, straight lines.
“You’re not breaking any rules when you talk about those things. Or, um–even if you were, I don’t think it would count if you told me. I can keep a secret. But–I mean, I think it’s okay to talk about. With whoever you want. It’s your life. And, um…well, you didn’t ask for her to do that. And you didn’t do anything wrong. So…you don’t owe her any secrecy. I think.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:35 am
For a moment, Riker couldn’t move. The touch caught him off guard -- the way Julian’s hands fit around his, how warm they felt.
He let out a slow, shaky breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
“Yeah,” he said softly after a long pause, voice quiet and low. “It was… both, I guess. Scary and difficult. But it’s over. She doesn’t get to touch me anymore.”
His fingers twitched faintly in Julian’s hold before they relaxed again. “You’re right, though. I don’t owe her anything. I used to think I did, but… I’m trying to unlearn that.”
He shifted just enough to look down at Julian as they rested beside each other. At the way Julian’s forehead rested against his shoulder. The weight of it was grounding, which he hadn’t realized he’d needed until that moment. His free hand lifted hesitantly, brushing through Julian’s hair in a slow, thoughtful motion.
“You always know how to make things… feel less heavy,” he said quietly, thumb tracing behind Julian’s ear before he let his hand settle there. “I don’t want you to worry, though. It’s… old stuff. I’ve had a lot of practice keeping it from getting in the way.”
He paused, and then smiled softly, a little shy. “But it helps, you know. Talking to you.”
The silence after was soft, filled only by the hum of the TV. Riker leaned his head just as gingerly against Julian’s. It wasn’t quite an embrace, but close.
“I hope I can do that for you too,” he said softly after a moment. “Make things feel less heavy. You don’t have to carry everything alone either, Jules. I’d rather… carry some of it with you. Which is why I’m glad you shared what you found on your Wonder. And the plans we’ll make for studying. Whatever you need, I’m here.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:36 am
“I know,” Julian promised, in a voice that sounded so certain and also so far away. “I bet I could tell you anything.” Wistful, almost.
But he was quiet for a long moment, all the while repeating the same, simple gestures with his thumbs.
“I don’t know if I have anything else worth sharing. I think that was pretty much it. I’ll think about it, though. If anything else comes up, I’ll tell you. I think I’m a little boring, actually. But that’s okay, I like it like that. I don’t want to make waves. I don’t even like when people look at me.”
He laughed softly, like it was a joke, but drew Riker’s hand closer and held it more tenderly.
“Things don’t feel heavy when I’m with you. I promise. You’re a good friend, Riker. If you ever want to talk, I’ll always be here to listen. And I’ll be here if you don’t want to talk, too.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:36 am
Riker huffed a quiet laugh through his nose. Not because he thought Julian was funny, but because he knew that tone -- trying to make something smaller than it was.
“You’re not boring,” he said fondly. “I think you’re… peaceful. And gentle,” he said as his thumb brushed lightly along the back of Julian’s hand. “And even if you were boring, I’d still want to be around you. You don’t have to make waves, Jules. I like you exactly the way you are.”
The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile, small but sincere. “And I know you will. Be here, I mean. That means a lot,” he hummed, giving Julian’s hand a gentle squeeze. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to either. Just be here with me, and that’ll be enough.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2025 6:37 am
Riker had such a tender touch. Even now, Julian was thinking about the fingers in his hair, and the gentle squeeze of his hand. Enough to feel personal, intimate, but not cloyingly so. It wasn’t performative by any stretch, and Julian found comfort in its simplicity. In its honesty.
He’d been holding a breath but couldn’t remember when, or why. His lungs burned but he exhaled slowly, in a steady, silent stream, rather than a single large exhale.
He didn’t like to make waves.
“Thank you, Riker. I’ll do my best.”
He didn’t think it usually amounted to much, but–somehow–it had gotten him this far. Julian supposed it was probably less what ‘his best’ looked like and more the generosity and kindness of the people that populated his life. Big people, important people, good people.
Like Riker.
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