Welcome to Gaia! ::

Don't feel bad. I don't have the "typical trans" story either. I'm starting to think that the "typical trans" story is just something that SOME ftms feel. But not all of them.

I didn't grow up thinking I was a boy, because I didn't realize there was a difference between boys and girls until I received a class on puberty.

I didn't grow up thinking I was a boy, either. There were times when I would think to myself, "God, it would be so much better if I was a boy," but then I'd dismiss it as nothing. I didn't realise that I am a boy until very recently, compared to the whole span of my life. I mean, I knew there was something that felt wrong for a very long time, but I never identified it as such.

My mother doesn't even b***h at me anymore. She calls up my sister and yells at her. rolleyes

I was so happy to go to dinner with my closest female friends and sister on Sunday. It was nice. The only thing that ruined it is that they still called me "she". Now, I don't care that they call me "Tash". I've always liked that. Hated the hell out of anything else though. In fact, I was thinking of just dropping the "a" and going with Natash. Anyway, they noticed and were appologetic. See, there's the problem. I dont' expect anyone to call me anything they aren't used to. Not now anyway. There will come a time when they will feel silly calling me a "she". It sucks. But, such is life. Right now, I've been too depressed to even get angry.
I'm finally in school again and paying off some bills. I'm finally getting my life together. What happens? My landlord is selling the house because they can't afford to keep it and the house they live in. Understandable. The problem is, I have no where else to go. I don't have guarrenteed steady work yet. So no apartment will rent to me. I don't have any money to move with anyway.
Ask your parents, you say? My parents are the landlords. I can't exactly move "back home" for a while either. I'm ********.
On top of that I tell my girl that I'm having problems and I may vanish for a while and she starts with the "how can you do this to me" tone. ******** you b***h. This isn't about you. I'm so sick of her s**t at this point. I'm sick of everyone's s**t.

[God, I ******** hate when people act like you're having some sort of crisis to irritate them or something. That doesn't even make any sense!]

Don't worry Loar5, even if we can't solve your problems, we can at least listen.

Do your parents have to know if you see the school counselor? I just remembered today that I actually did go see the counselor at my high school once. I think she was the first person I came out to. I already knew what I wanted to do, I just needed her to encourage me to do it.



Reap. I wish I could offer you my home to stay at. Well I do give you the offer, but it's pretty lousy seeing as I live very far from you.

You're such a sweet guy Nios. Don't worry though. I've been close to homeless before. If I have to live out of my car and do my school work at my sister's dorm, then so be it. I can do some of my work at the library. All that matters is that I can still work and pay for school. The problem is though, without a place to shower or a phone, it's less likely that I'll have steady work. neutral This sucks.

I think the best thing that you could do would be to at least embrace your masculinity, if nothing else.
Also, having done it before, it's not good when a guy feminizes you. There are lots of guys who actually do like masculine women (if that's what you want to do). Just be careful because guys often get sensitive about their masculinity.

It's unfortunate that there has to be this huge need to be either masculine or feminine, man or woman. It's so limiting. If we had a more open idea of ways people can be I think life would be so much easier for a lot of us. I want to say just be yourself, don't try to be feminine or masculine, boy girl man or woman, just BE. But a lot of times that's too hard for the world. On the other hand, if you really do want to be seen as a girl and want to be more feminine, that's another thing. Don't do it for other people, but if you're doing it for yourself...

See, I think that a lot of our masculine/feminine traits that people consider "natural" are more socialization and learning than things that we are born with. I wasn't born wanting to wear pink or blue, I was taught these things as soon as I emerged from my mother's womb. So I think that if I was taught to be feminine, but that doesn't work for me, then I don't see a problem with learning to be more masculine. Neither are "natural" things for me, so why CAN'T I teach myself to be more of a guy? I'm not going against who I am "naturally" I'm just teaching myself a more comfortable way to be me. If that makes any sense...

So I guess my point is, if you would be more comfortable being different than you are I don't see a problem with trying to change. People change themselves all the time. My advice is just don't try to change yourself for others, and don't try to change into someone you're not comfortable with.