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_____It only took roughly another forty-five minutes to an hour to get to her grandparents house, depending on traffic and weather. Thankfully the weather was on Vivian's side, she could blame it on her delay as she looked up at street signs telling her she was getting closer and closer to… there. The car slowly came to a stop at a large bridge. The bridge. One she tried to avoid at all costs, but today it was the only direction she could take from this way to get home, otherwise she would have. She swallowed hard, inhaling deeply and tightening her grip on the steering wheel. It was empty today, likely from most people avoiding being on the street in this weather, or having already gotten to their destinations. It was nearly dinner time, after all. Was this necklace always this tight around her neck? Vivian let out an involuntary gasp as she brought a hand to her throat and rubbed under what was in fact a very loose necklace that did not constrict her in any way. Oh, okay. Bridges always made her nervous, even before… but this specific one. This bridge in particular. Just. This. Bridge. She could hear it creaking, the sound echoing so loudly in her head it drowned out even the pounding of the rain on her car. Relax, Vivian. The reconstruction is finished, Andrew even told her as much. They had finished it two years ago. The bridge was finally 'safe' again.

Safe.

So why can't I get across…

Vivian leaned forward to rest her forehead against the steering wheel. She sat there for only a few moments like this before she began to bang her head against it with a pained shout of despair. Just get it out. Do it now before you go across. It's better this way. There was something in her that still couldn't handle this place. This bridge. This. Damn. Bridge. It felt like something building up in her chest wanting to escape, and all she could do was scream into her dashboard and bury her fingers into her hair and clutch at her scalp. There was a spark of something that flashed across her vision as she closed her eyes, a sound of rushing waves and water in her ears. She struggled to catch her breathe. Her heart hurt. This was more than pain. This was something worse. A feeling Vivian had never been able to fully explain to any therapist she had ever seen since the accident. It was like a part of her felt trapped, locked away in a small box she couldn't find a keyhole for and couldn't tear open, and over the years that box felt even more and more… constricting. And now, here, at this bridge it felt ready to burst.

She could smell the metal grinding against itself—

"Vee!" A pounding on her window and her name being called ripped her from the past. It made her jump and punch the horn, startling not only herself but a nearby driver and someone standing at her door. Wide green eyes, stained with ruined makeup she had yet to fix, slowly turned to look up toward a familiar face, looking and feeling much like a child that had been missing in the forest for the night and finally been found. Andrew. He stood over her door in the pouring rain, getting completely drenched as he groaned unhappily and pulled the door open, reaching in without hesitation to pull Vivian against him in a tight hug and burying his face in her hair. "I'm here. I'm here. You're safe."

Safe, he said.

Vivian sat frozen in his arms, her gaze now turned out toward the not-so-distant bridge. Screams filled her head, but only until Andrew's voice reached her ears again. "I've got her, but I don't think she's in a state to drive." He was talking to someone else. The world felt like it was moving in slow motion, like a dream. Finally she looked away from the bridge to bridge to peer past Andrew toward a woman standing nearby with an umbrella in hand. She was pregnant. Very much so. She looked worried. Blonde hair, big brown eyes, a sweet face despite the concern. Oh, it was Larissa. She hadn't seen her since the wedding. She looked nice, but why did she look so sad? A hand slowly came up to hold one of Andrew's arms, the action feeling very much like she was pushing through heavy water holding her down and making her heavier with resistance. He turned from his wife to his sister when she touched him, looking hopeful. "Vee? Hey, Vee? You with me?"

"M'here.." She mumbled, looking away as much as she could in his hold. This only made Andrew hold her tighter, kissing the top of her head. "S'fine…"

"You idiot," Andrew muttered lightheartedly, shaking his head. "I'll see you at Nan and Pops' place, Riss."

"Yeah, of course… it's good to see you safe, Viv." Larissa passed a worried look between Vivian and Andrew before turning away to walk ahead to a car parked in front of Vivian's. When did that get there? How long had she been sitting here? Vivian felt Andrew move. He was unbuckling her seatbelt and scooping her up, lifting her out of the car and around it to the other side, where he leaned in to settle her into the passenger seat.

"I'm driving. There's a new route that goes around this bridge they decided to keep when they needed to close it again to finish construction. We'll take that. Riss and I decided to come find you when dinner was finished and you still hadn't shown up. We tried to wait, but Nan insisted that we couldn't let the baby wait. We found out its gender the other day, by the way. We'll show you tomorrow, when you've rested." Andrew had gotten the car moving again, and now he was following behind the car that had been parked ahead of hers. She didn't recognize the car, so it must have been Larissa's. Vivian sat quietly in the passenger seat with her head against the window, slowly returning to the world of the present and slipping away from the past. Raindrops rolling down her window were her current focus, and the cool touch of glass against her face. They had finished dinner? How long had she delayed crossing the bridge? Unless they had an early dinner. Her gaze slid toward the dash console. Seven o'clock. It had been an hour. Damn. Andrew was still speaking, no doubt just trying to fill the air until she came to. He did this, he was too good to her. Her head turned to look at her brother, soaking wet in the driver's seat of her car and chattering away, focused ahead of them. Usually he wasn't afraid to look away from the road at her, but with the weather and his wife in the car ahead of them he was likely not taking his eyes even a hair away from that direction. That was fair. Vivian herself remained silent, at least on the outside. She studied her brother's side profile; the way his hair clung to his head, the same color as her own, the same color as their mother's.

Mom...

The bridge was out of sight, what she wouldn't give for it to just be gone. Why did they have to repair it? Her body felt heavy, her head was still swimming. Vivian slowly raised her hands to rub her face with a deep, heavy sigh. Andrew finally stopped talking and chanced a glance in her direction to check on her before looking ahead of them again. "Where you at, Vee?"

"Sorry…"

"Oh no. I didn't ask for an apology. Thank you, but I asked where you're at."

"God I hate when you do this--"

"Vee, please…"

Vivian sighed again. "My car. You're driving. We're headed to Nan and Papa's. Larissa's in the car up ahead," she recited it with a groan, slowly shifting in her seat to sit upright and off the window. "I'm here." The rest of the trip was in silence between the pair of siblings. Vivian turned her attention outside of the car, watching familiar buildings go by. It was only another twenty minutes before they were pulling into the driveway of a very familiar home, and by then Vivian had fixed her face and her hair and made herself look a little more presentable as a person. An older gentleman was opening the door as the trio pulled up to the house, walking with a crutch tucked under one arm and trying to open an umbrella one-handed with the other. It wasn't working out all too well. Vivian chuckled and shook her head as she exited the car and rushed toward the house, holding her arms over her head as if she hadn't been soaked by the rain twice already.

"Papa! You should be resting! Get back in the house, you crazy!" She called out with a laugh, stopping at the door to try and guide the man back into the house. "Making me do my job when I've not even unpacked. How could you?" She was grinning, ignoring how her face felt puffy and her eyes and throat felt sore. The older man huffed and shifted to put an arm around his granddaughter, using her for support but also offering her a tight hug as they walked.

"I don't need all this fuss. It's just my hip, I have a second one."

"Yeah, well, you ideally should have two good hips. Come on, let's get you on the sofa…" Andrew and Larissa weren't far behind them, though he had taken the time to grab an umbrella and properly escort his pregnant wife to the house. Nan exited the kitchen as Vivian and Papa arrived to the living room, watching them with a quiet smile as the young woman fussed over the older man and made him sit down and relax. She looked to Andrew, exchanging a look with him that had her smile faltering with a brief look of concern. She watched Vivian, assessing her appearance and condition as she sat and laughed with Aidan. The slight redness around her eyes was noted, that tell-tale puff of the under eye and how Vivian seemed to be wearing makeup in some places but not others. Ah. She wouldn't bring attention to it. Instead she smiled again and hurried toward Vivian as if just seeing her, pulling the young woman into a tight hug and fussing over her with all the love and joy in the world. This was better. She was home. Vivian was laughing again, that tightness in her chest relaxing for now. She would let her grandparents fuss over her, she would eat dinner, she would worry about unpacking her car tomorrow when the weather was better — with the exception of her plants. Those needed to be brought into the house, and thankfully Andrew was good to help her out with that before he and Larissa went home so she could rest. It was… it was nice to be home, even if she hated this city and what it had taken from her. In this house was safe. In this house was warm. It was home. Papa had injured his hip, and Nan couldn't help him on her own. Andrew had Larissa, and so their options had become Andrew splits his time between their grandparents and his growing family, hiring a caretaker, or Vivian just coming home to help out for a bit. They had all agreed the third option to be the best to start, and if they needed to come up with something new they would. But they had to try. Besides, Vivian had been away for six years and did miss her family.

With a stomach full of food, a shower, and some quality time with her grandparents Vivian made her way up the stairs from the living room. There was still something nagging at her heart, like a weird tugging as if something was trying to pull her in a certain direction. Vivian sighed and rubbed the heel of her hand into her sternum. Probably just lingering exhaustion from the panic attacks earlier. Yeah, that was all it was. She'd worry about it tomorrow, for now she was looking forward to collapsing in her bed. Papa had told her Andrew and Larissa had taken the last week to help out with making her room feel fresh and not simply a time capsule from six years ago, and he was right. As she opened the door she was greeted with a room that made her feel as if she hadn't ever left New York, in a good way of course. She couldn't help but smile as she closed the door behind her, looking around the room properly for the first time that night. She hadn't given herself the time to do so when going back and forth before. Now it was nice. It was clean, but it was cozy, and there were fun colors but not childish decorations. Larissa had good taste. It had to be Larissa, there was no way Andrew did that part.

Vivian twirled on one foot, throwing herself back and down onto her bed. Her eyes closed, she laid with one leg hanging off the bed, her arms splayed out at her sides.

The sound of rushing waves was back… she could sleep this off. Her closed eyes tightened, her face scrunched up. Just sleep. It'll be fine. You'll be fine.

So then why did her body feel so tight?

Word count total - 2289