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 Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:07 pm
(Odilon's Journal, Entry 001)
It is my belief that the Hong Dynasty may be up to something nefarious. A few nights ago, I came across one of their agents ambassadors in an alley as I was patrolling. There was no legitimate reason for him to be there, and yet there he was, skulking about.
I had no chance to discover his excuse for being there. I called him out and we fought, but the Hong are resilient people. I could do nothing but work at whittling him down, while he scored some solid blows on me.
I am ashamed to admit that he got the best of me, and I passed out (from blood loss, I pray. I will admit to no one else how intense I found the pain), allowing him to go free. I know not how I came to be back in my room when I woke. No one will say. I'm sure they all laugh at my poor performance. This cannot stand. I must get better... and soon.
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:57 pm
(Odilon's Journal, Entry 002)
I won today. I came across a Noir patrolling our borders and she challenged me. Our fight was intense, and far more silent than my fight with that Hong ambassador. I suspect that some of the things I learned from the Hong about better guarding myself came in handy. But what plagues my mind isn't the fight itself. It is what came after.
Amalphea. That's what she said her name was, and the more I think about it, the more I think I should've gotten the Hong ambassador's name, as well... should've started a list, because they're making me think and I'd like to refer back to my ruminations as I draw closer to whatever conclusion I'm destined to draw.
I know I woke after my fight with the Hong ambassador in my own bed, wounds cleaned and cared for. I still don't know who did it, but I doubt, had I lost, that I would've found myself in the same situation after my fight with Amalphea. Noir is a hard land, full of battle-hungry people. Amalphea herself certainly seemed pragmatic at the least... possibly harder than that. But she made sense, too. That's the problem behind all this.
She said we were cannon fodder. She said, too, that they also spent money and time to train us, so they weren't likely to cast us aside with no thought spared for our well-being. And there are the rooks, of course, the bishops and the queens, that take care of us and nurse us back to health in larger engagements. But these small skirmishes are beneath their notice, I always thought. Which means... are they happy to cast us aside or not? Are we expendable... or valuable?
What does Noir believe, I wonder? All the stories say that Noir will attack eagerly, avidly even. Amalphea certainly seemed to validate that. But in the end, it was I who challenged her to a future rematch. And I did it because the reward I claimed, a necklace with a small moon pendant on it, seemed to have some sentimental value to it.
Maybe I'm too soft for this life...
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 4:15 am
(Odilon's Journal, Entry 003)
I'm going blind. I've fought headaches on and off for a few months, but tonight I finally realized the cause. Reading, writing, all that close-in work that I don't do in battles or while on patrol... All that close-in work that I do to relax or unwind, that's where the headaches come from. That's where it gets me.
I've been attributing my headaches to stress and wounds sustained on the field of battle, but it's actually eyestrain and muscle tension from the way I read and write. A rook commented on it while I was in the library today. He noted my posture, the way I was squinting just a bit, and suggested I go see a Bishop about my eye problems. I even turned to him and asked him, "Eye problems?" but he just laughed at that. Perhaps he thought I was too vain to wear the glasses or something.
I wonder if this is something that will keep me from the borders, or force me to be little more than a mail clerk and gopher. I don't want it to. I want to be able to find that Noir woman again and have that rematch. I want to be able to defend our kingdom. All other concerns are secondary.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:56 am
(Odilon's Journal, Entry 004)
I haven't touched this journal in quite some time. Why? Frustration, I suppose. I've been out on patrol regularly since my last entry, but I've seen no action. No fights, no dangers... not even so much as a Noir shadow. It isn't enough to simply do my duty anymore. Every time I go out on patrol, I feel an anxious sort of anticipation, wondering if that day will be the day that we meet again on the field of battle, the Noir woman and I, and have our rematch. Every time, I find myself thinking of that victory, so close, and when I reach up to touch it, I can feel the pendant beneath my uniform. But I don't know if I actually want to face her again. Our knight cautions us to never allow the idea of loss come into play. We must always believe we will win, and I used to, until that Hong. And with her... with her, I think the prospect of failure, of losing, is far more humiliating. Perhaps if it were to happen, I could blame it on those damnable glasses.
I'm not forced to wear them everywhere. In fact, I only really wear them when working on small things - reading books, writing reports, planning strategies, and the like. The other pawns I've run across in the library look at me with this sort of sheepish guilt, as though they were the reason I now wear the things, and though I know others must, I've yet to come across another pawn with glasses myself. Some of the pawns who know me - half-knowings, since none of us is particularly inclined to get to know the others too closely. What would happen if one of us made Knight, and was left to command those we'd once considered 'friends'? Far better to keep our distance than muddy the waters of command - some of the pawns who know me seem to think that now I cannot do my job, because of the glasses. But they tend to be large pawns, with thick muscles in their arms, and equally thick muscles choking their brains. Whatever anyone else thinks, these glasses do help. They make words clearer when I study, and if I were honest with myself, I do like the gold frames. I wonder sometimes if some of those pawns, and the occasional rook who looks as well, are less inclined to think of how the glasses must hold me back, and more inclined to think that perhaps they make me look a little handsome. That would be a nice thought, really.
I've decided, after some length of thought, that I may not necessarily be suited to the field of battle, but it doesn't mean I have no worth in this army. I've begun looking at historical tactics and strategies, mapping them and studying them on my own time. If I'm to make Knight, and I will someday, I think I'd like to be the sort of Knight who knows how to command to victory not just by inspiration, but also through strategy and understanding of the battlefield and the obstacles and opportunities it presents. If we are to truly challenge Noir in this battle, to come out on top and claim full victory for all, those are the needs that we face. Someone who can plan it all out, and then stride out there and get the job done. I've done enough striding. Now I need to add planning to it.
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