[Enough]


Another day.

Another fight.

To the small girl, the shouting and smashing of small expensive things seemed to shake the entire foundation of the house. Or perhaps it was her head that was shaking, but she couldn’t quite tell anymore.

Ytania had locked herself in her room, sitting with her back pressed up against the door and her arms wrapped tight around her knees. Every bump, every crash, every shout sent her tiny heart racing, knees trembling worse and worse, more tears streaming down her face. She couldn’t quite make out what her parents were shouting about, but she knew, like every other time, that something she or her father had said had set her mother off.

The tension in the house, when the two adults weren’t fighting, was so thick you could almost reach out and touch it. Every word and every glance would set Ytania’s heart racing with fear. Would it be now that her mother would start? Would it be now that she would snap?

The fights started slow sometimes. A snappy, biting comment from her mother over something simple her father had said or done. A defensive or tired reply from her father, and a quick exchange between the both of them, which rapidly escalated to screaming, crying, or even throwing things. The severity of the fights varied for one reason or another; intoxication, exhaustion, frustration…but they were never any less heartbreaking for Ytania.

As she sat, pressed against her bedroom door, sobbing, she felt familiar and unpleasant thoughts rushing back to her.

There was the sickening wish that her mother would leave forever, something that had taken months for the girl to come to terms with. It simply was not in her nature to feel so much anger and hatred towards someone, especially not one of the people who had raised her; but above all else, she could only pray that the woman would leave her and her father alone. She wanted nothing more then to be left in peace, to live with her gentle and kindhearted father.

The sick, tight feeling in her chest and stomach pushed her further and further. Horrible thoughts squeezed in through the cracks in her heart, and with every fight her nerves were pulled tighter and tighter, until she felt that they would snap apart inside of her.

Her mind chanted phrases over and over. ‘Help me’, ‘save me’, ‘leave me alone’ to name a few, muddled together with the occasional plea to a higher power, and sometimes, the wish to die.

This particular fight went on for longer then Ytania cared to keep track of.

After what seemed like hours, she ran out of tears and her exhaustion overwhelmed the need to beg for help. Her knees still hugged to her chest, she slumped sideways and lay down in front of her door. Weak, dry sobs still shook her tiny form, though the aching tiredness gradually took over her, and she could no longer fight with the need to sleep. Her eyes slid closed, and she drifted into uncomfortable and swirling nightmares.

Unbeknownst to her, the fight downstairs had finally come to a close, with both adults storming off to opposite ends of the house, probably in tears.

Too consumed with their personal battle, neither parent came up to check on Ytania, and she slept through the night laying on the cold, hard floor, trembling terribly in restless sleep.