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Ura, I know you didn't mean to, but you really made me smile. Thanks!

PMS isn't text talk, it's discrete feminine speak for Pre (Post, Present, or Permanent, if you talk to my mom) Menstrual Stress, brought on by the hormonal changes associated with a woman's menses cycle. Moods can range from depressed to aggressive to anxious or even paranoid.

"I don't really understand. But it has to do with women and hormones...and there changes...OK, thanks".

"What are you implying?"

I laughed! mrgreen

Eltanin Sadachbia~ I tried a little of your suggestion. I kinda came out of the blue with not-quite-tears-but-very-somber eyes and made it abundantly clear that even on my worst PMS days when I don't want him in the same room, I couldn't ever ever EVER live without him. Didn't want to try it even for a moment. I ask him if he ever wanted to leave me, and as expected, he denied it. I expressed my worry that he'd been on this kick for months, and that it meant he just didn't want to be together, which he adamantly denied. He said that so many times he felt like he took me away from a better life (more money, bigger house, etc) when he got me pregnant. I reminded him that it takes 2 to tango, that my family in WA was cold and manipulative, and that I had never once regretted our marriage or our daughter. That seemed to patch things up and smooth them over. At least for now. We'll see how long it lasts. ^_^

Yeah, even on my husband's melancholy days, he still asks me if I ever wish that I was still flying planes, traveling, and living the free life.

At least he asks me now though instead of brewing on it. It's one thing for a guy to try and hide his insecurities until they completely erode his confidence. It's a totally other thing when he opens up before it gets that far.

Let's face it, we all need a little reassurance sometimes. Sometimes, especially in hard times, we need allot of reassurance. That is one of the beauties of a working partnership, you never have to be the only one bearing the burdens.

So, at least you got something out of him. I think if you can teach him the benefits of sharing his insecurities (super hard for any guy), then you both will feel happier. That means you should share yours with him as well, but it's not so hard for us gals, usually.

The problem with the way we share and the way guys share is how differently we do it. What I have found is that my husband is perfectly willing to do what I ask of him. I found that he really appreciates when I am just straight up blunt with him about what I want. I have found that when he does pick up on a subtle hint he doesn't go all out to act on that hint because he keeps questioning if that was really what I was hinting at, or if he may be picking up on something that isn't even there.

Case in point: Our first year together, I was looking at guitars. I kept leaving hints that I would like one (in particular). I had the brand-name magazine with the one I wanted circled in it, and I would leave it where his books were. I would take him to the music store and point at it, ask to look at it, and play it. I would allude to my birthday coming. I would jump in on his internet time to bring up the page and show it to him. I did everything BUT say "Love, would you buy me this guitar for my birthday?" So, birthday comes around, and we go out. We have a lovely night, and when we get home we go to bed. I don't get my guitar, and he asks me what I would have liked. He asked me if I would have liked a guitar, because I had been looking at them allot lately, and I say it would have been nice. So he has me show him the one I wanted, and the next week we went to pick it up. I would have saved myself allot of trouble if I would have just said, "Here, this is what I want." He didn't just go out and get one because he wasn't sure exactly what I wanted. He isn't into instruments, so he couldn't tell one brand from another, let alone model. He wasn't sure if I was just wishing or if I truly wanted one.

I think that the guys here would concur. Women tend to be subtle about their problems, and they are disillusioned with their supposed need for guys to pick up on their hints. On the opposite hand, when guys are blunt about what they want from us, we seem to get huffy, so they decide it's easier not to tell us.

So, women are usually equipped to be more adaptable to emotional and psychological changes, so it will be easier for you to learn how to put yourself on his communication level than he on yours. Practice being blunt about your needs and problems, but don't forget to be blunt about how much you love him, and how much he means to you (That's REALLY important!). For every need you take to him, also give him a reason you love and appreciate him. You will see that after awhile, he will begin to do the same for you.

heh. how i love talking to married women. mrgreen yep, i have to agree, you very right about us. generally speaking, it's just more sensical to be right out with it. i don't see the point of all the circles and verbal dancing. xp is it a game? is it entertaining? i'm fine iwth it if it entertains you, but i hate when someone gets angry at me for not understanding something that they DIDN"T TELL ME! gonk but i feel bad when all the hints are explained and i didn't get it cause i was so dense. ._. it gets all confusing, and i just don't have any excuses. i'm not perfect. and i wish i could be, but it just doesn't make sense.

and i'd rather not mention flat out something that i know would somehow cause a fight when i know that subtle hints work more smoothly. for some reason it seems that if women think they discovered some secret displeasure i was hiding from them for their sake they seem less likely to cause much of a fuss about it. i don't want my worries to start a fight, i'd feel bad about it! gonk

i know this about any man worth his salt, and despite his faults i have the impression that your husband is a loyal and devoted man to you.

he won't abandon you, or leave you, as long as he knows that you love and appreciate him. you keep making it clear that you want him around and are happy for his presence, and he will stay and smile and feel even a little proud of himself. after all, he must be doing something right if your so happy about him, even if he can't comprehend what it is.

the only thing you need to do to avoid his stress getting the better of him is to be supportive of him and to baby him a little with the small thoughtful luxuries of surprise favourite meals, random massages, and maybe curious fun-time when he's feeling grumpy. secretly, every man wants to have his lady cheer him up when he's down. he just can't say it cause it's embarressing. xp

you would be surprised how little things like that can make entire months worth of stress just completely dissapear, never to be heard from again, in just one sitting.