Tired? Depressed? Angry? Guilty?
Are you in a struggle with your emotions? Can you find the strength daily to cope with whatever it is that is troubling you? Do you feel dead inside? Are you constantly sick? Do you feel like there's no hope?
Here's the answer that you have been waiting for!
JESUS CHRIST
Yes, folks! Men, women and children of all ages, step right up and receive for yourselves a little piece of the ultimate peace! Get joy for your sad little self from the duct tape of the universe! JESUS CHRIST will cure you of your sickness, refill your hope, give you your strength back, and He will resurrect you from your dead life!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I kid you not! JESUS CHRIST is the end all of cure alls!
What is the price on this product, you ask? It is completely free! Yes, folks! FREE!!!
What do you have to do to acquire said product, you ask? Ask for His healing grace!
"But announcer person, I have no idea where to find JESUS CHRIST!"
No problem! Just go to your local church and pray with a member! They will know exactly what to do! If you're not comfortable with that, you can pray in the comfort and privacy of your own home!
Warning! JESUS CHRIST is for everyone. If you are nursing, pregnant, thinking about thinking about becoming pregnant, suicidal, thinking about becoming suicidal, then this product can keep you safe. Not for barnyard animals, household pets, rocks, trees, plants of any nature. Side effects can include, but are not limited to: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and goodness.
“Is this Jesus-product you're trying to sell any better than any of the other products available on the market?
Many people recommend Buddha for example. The Buddha-product is well established and have a long history of many happy consumers. It offers you a well balanced lifestyle and a clothing of orange garment. Not only that but you also get your very own rice bowl.
Who can say no to that? “
Why, yes! This Jesus product I am selling is way better than the Buddha product! But one thing the Jesus product has that the Buddha product does not have is: historical accuracy! History itself tells us the the Jesus product has been tested and tried and found to be extremely effective! This Jesus product has been around for a millenium and billions of people have surrendered themselves to it!
The Jesus product has a choice of clothing yourself in any modest way possible, and not only do you get to choose the size of your china, you get your very own MANSION!!!!!
Reply
