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 Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:03 pm
Now I have finally accepted
We will never stand in the same room.  Jacey acknowledged that Drew was there next to her by giving him a soft sad look with her dark blue eyes. She couldn’t stop the tears that were cascading though she tried and when Drew started to play Jacey made herself set back off of the stone that her cheek had been laying against. She gently stroked the gravestone as the rain still fell from her eyes.
When the sound gained a broken tune she knew what this was, it was Gavin’s song… Drew had been working so hard on it and it was so beautiful that it made the girl take her camera off her neck and cover her face with her hands to try to quell her sadness. She nodded letting Drew know that she loved the song; it was such a beautiful song. Gavin would have been so proud. Her sorrow filled eyes looked up to the boy and she gave a soft smile before taking a picture of the stone again not like she didn’t take enough of them but she wanted another.
Without warning her camera turned to the boy playing the guitar, her focus was on his hand that was holding the strings just the way it moved and the way the light was, it was perfect. The song was so broken… so broken just like everything was now. Jacey was broken, Vivian was broken, Drew was broken somewhere even if he didn’t show it Jacey knew, everyone was.
I can never hear your voice of reason
At least you didn't, didn't feel a thing….
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:27 am
The notes flew from Drew's hands as if he had been playing them for years. He saw the expressions from Jacey and could tell she seemed pleased and was glad of this. His mind was picking at it thinking of ways to make it better, it would probably never be perfect enough in his eyes. How could anything I write really show what a great person he was?
His attention was called back when he heard the sound of a picture being taken. He was by now used to Jacey's picture taking so it was not a big deal. He gave her a soft smile. "I'm glad you like it." He said shyly continuing to play. "I think I have it almost done. I've got guitar, bass, drums, all that... it is missing one thing though, a voice." He stopped playing and looked up at Jacey.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:16 am
Now I have finally accepted
We will never stand in the same room. When the song ended she listened to Drew speak until he looked at her asking for her voice. Jacey’s blue eyes narrowed in a hateful glare but she quickly looked to her lap. She wanted her voice back but no matter how she strained it she couldn’t get it back. She wondered if maybe Gavin took it with him that day. She did have a little bit of vocal issues because of all the screaming she did, maybe that was why her voice was gone? Jacey didn’t know for sure why anything happened but when she looked back up at Drew she was shaking her head no. There was no way she could sing that, she couldn’t talk there was no noise at all.
I can’t. she mouthed simply. There was really, no use in trying to talk anymore all it did was bring back painful memories. She had been singing when that truck hit them, but she would never tell the rest of the story. No one knew what happened that day because Jacey hadn’t been able to tell it. She wouldn’t write it down and she couldn’t talk about it, it was sad really.
When Jacey looked over Drew's head she could see Vivian coming toward the and out of respect Jacey kissed Gavin's stone one last time and got to her feet slowly. She'd let Vivian be close to the one she loved above all. Vivian was doing worse than Jacey or at least Jacey saw it that way, the girl was too pale, too thin, and no matter what they did she just didn't get better. Gavin had been her rock, just as he was for Jacey, but for Vivian he had been so much more. Jacey could see love in his eyes every time he looked at that girl. She felt her heart wrench in her chest and her blue eyes fluttered closed as she quickly sat down on the other side of Drew. Thinking about Gavin made Jacey hurt... a lot.
I can never hear your voice of reason
At least you didn't, didn't feel a thing….
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:35 am
Vivianne kept her eyes to the ground, when she walked she never looked ahead of her or up at the sky, how could she? There was no Gavin, looking ahead was like looking forward to the future.
Pretty music reached her ears, music that broke what was left of her heart, and she jerked her head up. There they were, Jacey and Drew and she stopped, her feet suddenly feeling like stones.
Jacey.... Vivianne loved her friend and the things she wanted to say to her never seemed to be able to come out. She never blamed her, if Vivi had lost Jacey it would have devastated her but still... she could never say the right thing to her; Drew however, she had choice words for but... she could never quite say them either. She had always been fond of Drew but.... he was reckless and irresponsible, Gavin would have hated the people he was hanging out with. Drew was so talented but he was.... the words escaped her.
Willing her feet to move, she walked slowly towards the grave and her throat choked up, she passed by them and sat by the grave, leaning against the stone, is if she was leaning against Gavin.... once again, she had no words.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:30 pm
Drew sighed and shook his head. "Yes you can." He insisted again to Jacey. He didn't believe that she couldn't speak, just that she simply wouldn't because of him. It made him mad at her for wasting herself mourning over something she couldn't fix. It made him made a Gavin for causing all this. Then he saw Vivianne which only added to that anger. She was looking even closer to dead, as usual. Why did he have to be taken from us? He wanted to burst. He didn't even know who he was mad at anymore. Are you supposed to be this... infuriated in a graveyard?
Trying to relax he put his energy into playing. He ran his hands over the strings and let them play whatever came out, and his irritation showed through. Looking up, Drew thought he should try and start conversation with someone who might actually talk to him... might. "Hey. How are you doing? See any good movies lately?" He asked trying to be funny though to most people this probably wasn't the proper time to do so... but he wasn't most people.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:45 pm
Vivianne was lying there with her eyes closed, the stone was cold but she didn't care, it was the closest thing to Gavin she had.
It took her a moment before she realized Drew was talking to her and her eyes snapped open.
It was a simple question in an odd situation, she tried to figure out an answer in her muddled mind. A movie?
"I"m.... What the ******** kind of question is that?" she asked, her eyebrows raising, and she slowly tried to raise herself from the ground... to run away from him... this was the first time they had spoken since the funeral. She had coldly avoided him for a while, and now she felt like running. A girl who couldn't speak had been her constant companion, the truth was easier to avoid that way.
As she stood, a wave of dizziness hit her like a brick and she slumped back down.... When was the last time she had eaten? The days seemed to melt together now...
Finally the question broke through to her brain "I watched a movie about grief at the hospital," she said without emotion, it was the most honest thing she had said since the accident "And Shrek 2.... For some reason....."
She started to laugh a little but there was nothing funny about it, but she had been crying for so long she had nothing left, so she laughed. "What about you? This is some weather we're having..." she said, laughing oddly. It was the one thing people had been saying around her for weeks when they were looking for normalcy.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:01 pm
Drew watched the girl. She was rather... sad, just in general. He didn't really know what to do about that though. Or if he was supposed to do anything. They were friends, but it'd been awhile since they had had any sort of conversation.
"Evidently it was a good question if it got you to laugh." Drew smiled slightly to see his scheme had worked. "And I don't think I have seen much of any movies lately either come to think of it." He laughed slightly trying to think though he couldn't think of any movies he had seen. "So...er...what have you been up to?" He asked making an effort to make conversation.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:11 pm
Her laughter slowly subsided, and a side of her that hadn't been seen for some time bubbled up: Sarcasm... Gavin always liked her wit when they bantered back and forth.
"Oh you know... grieving," she said, even though it wasn't funny, there was no other response "And fending off the million books on grieving people have been shoving down my throat.... And avoiding everyone except Jacey." She looked at Jacey with a wan smile.
"What about you?" she said, not looking at him, she still wasn't sure how to act around him. His antics of late had left her angry... but then as the doctors said, she was looking for an outlet for her anger. "Why?...." she trailed off, how do you ask someone why they have been behaving badly? Everyone in the old group was behaving badly really... even Vivianne.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:18 pm
Drew was going to answer her question but her why interested him more. "Why what?" He asked curiously raising an eyebrow. He realized he had stopped playing when he said that so he went back to gently stroking it's strings. "You can ask what you like. It can't hurt anything." He added, and that was probably true. Things were pretty bad off with everyone, one question couldn't make it much worse.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:33 pm
Vivianne but her lip and picked a few wildflowers in the grass that grew randomly throughout the graveyard, busying herself with making a flower wreath so she didn't have to look at him.
"Well... why.... have you been acting so... bad lately?" she asked tentatively, it had been bugging her for so long "You've been hanging out with... not very nice people." She continued to look at her small wreath "You're better than them...." She slowly stood, wanting to run away, and trying to fight off the dizziness that hit her, her body longed for food but she just couldn't... nourish herself.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:45 pm
Drew forced himself to remain cool after what she had said. He focused on the grass. Don't be mad. She's... sick, she can't help it. "Well, Vivviane, it depends on your definition of bad." He said, keeping his voice even though his playing picked up a bit becoming slightly faster and more rough. "As I see it I'm doing nothing wrong. And as for the people I hang out with, do you even know anything about them? Have you ever talked to them? They are fun. I like hanging around people who aren't depressed all the time..." Then I don't have to think about it as much. He didn't look at her when he spoke he merely focused on the grass. What he said may have been a little harsh, but it was the truth, in his mind atleast.
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Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:06 am
Now I have finally accepted
We will never stand in the same room. Jacey felt out of place for the first time in a long time. Her blue eyes gazed from Vivian to Drew and her heart started to pick up its pace. Stop it! Don’t do this here! This isn’t what Gavin wanted! her mind screamed. Jacey found herself on her feet her eyes glaring hatefully at both of them. If she had the ability to speak she would have screamed at them both but instead she shot a softer look to Gavin’s stone and then glared hatefully back at the two to get her point across.
Gently Jacey knelt next to the stone and kissed her fingers pressing them against the stone again. She didn’t want to leave but right now she needed some time to do her art and get away from all the tension. The day was so beautiful she would have loved to stay with Gavin longer but Drew and Vivian were going to be at each other’s throats she’d have to find a way to get around all of this and bring everyone back together.
Turning on heal, Jacey walked away, away from Gavin and everyone else, she couldn’t handle this anymore. Tears ran down her face making the stray blond hairs stick to her cheeks as she glared bitterly at the world around her. Why did this world not make sense? Why was Gavin gone? Why was she not able to get her point across to anyone? Jacey clutched her camera as she walked and when she was far enough away she started to work, taking pictures of random stones, of flowers of anything, then the large gate as she walked through it. Jacey was not happy but she’d get over it, she always did.
I can never hear your voice of reason
At least you didn't, didn't feel a thing….
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Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 11:50 am
Vivianne response to Drew was frosty "You're the one who wanted to know Drew, next time don't bother if you don;t want to know the truth," she said coldly.
Despite the dizziness she stood up at full height and was about to leave and then she whirled around "Don't tell me I don't know about your friends!" she yelled "Your friends have been assholes to so many people, myself included but you have your head so far up your own a** you wouldn't notice! Oh yeah, they were assholes to Gavin too so I have hard time not judging them because Gavin would never hurt anyone!"
She started to walk away "Go have fun with your a*****e friends, next time they vandalize my house you can join them!"
Vivianne saw Jacey's reaction to the drama but she was past the point of calming down, the anger she felt at everything bubbled up and she couldn't stop it.
As Jacey walked off Vivianne began to feel bad "Jacey wait!" she shouted after her, but she knew she wouldn't get an answer.
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Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 2:48 pm
"I have my head up my a**?" He shouted after her, jumping to his feet. He had had enough. He didn't care what was wrong with her. He slowly walked in the direction they had headed.
"You don't know anything about me anymore. And have you tried to? No. Gavin wouldn't have wanted that." He mocked harshly. "My friends maybe 'assholes' in your opinion, but atleast I have them. They didn't start ignoring me after all this. They don't judge me for wanting to have a little fun. Gavin wouldn't have judged me for that either do you think? But that doesn't matter anymore, because Gavin's dead Vivianne. Ok? He's dead and He's not coming back, but that's no reason to send yourself to the grave for him! He was just a person, not a god. If you want me to mope around and think about him every day and KILL myself over him...it's not happening. Gavin wouldn't want that."
He was beyond mad by now, he wasn't even sure of all he said or if he meant it all, but it got his point across he hoped. He just wanted to throw something, break something, but seeing as the only thing he had in hand was his guitar he wouldn't do that. He picked up pace and walked quickly past both girls. He shot Vivianne a glare as he passed her, he didn't so much as look at Jacey though. As far as he was concerned she was acting just as badly as Vivianne and he was tired of it. He had a bit of a soft spot for Jacey though which is why he couldn't make himself attack her, but he was too mad to deal with her.
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Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:34 pm
((Oh the drama razz ))
Vivianne felt like she had been slapped in the face, tears sprang unbidden to her eyes and she turned, wiping them quickly so no one would see.... Especially Drew.
Hey eyes fell on Gavin's grave, her little flower wreath was wilted and stepped on, she wasn't sure by who, and it sat there on the grave. She couldn't help but be reminded oh their group as she looked at it, different flowers tied together.
A thought entered her mind, a little light breaking through the fog in her muddled brain. Drew did have a point the light said, but Vivianne knew she had a point herself.... maybe they were both being jackasses.
She sighed and stared at the grave "What do I do Gavin?" she whispered to him, suddenly feeling very tired, the anger had evaporated and she saw the situation for what it was: Sad.
The wilted wreath began to break apart and the flowers blew away from each other from the wind and she shrugged her shoulders.
Vivianne stormed after at Drew and planted herself in front of him "Listen!" she snapped, and then after a beat "You didn't tell me what you've been up to lately." She stared at him, glaring for a moment and then relaxed, she would make an effort for Gavin, she hoped Drew would see that.
She watched Jacey walk away from the corner of her eye, she still had no idea how she would help her.
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