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 Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 1:21 pm
I like the story, but it seems to have holes in it's plot, for some reason. Or like there is an unnecessary horror brooming about @__@' I dunno how to explain it...but I really do hope you make more.
If you don't like your paneling, you can always reference from paneling that you DO like, like from mangas, web comics, comics, or the like : )
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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 1:40 pm
There are some links to nice sites (I checked them out personally 3nodding In the hints and tips forum -> useful links, about paneling^^
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Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 9:19 am
Your Prologues were so much better than Chapter 1 because the panel, dialogue, and movement of the story synchronized very well where Chapter 1 was... quite messy.
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Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 10:48 am
Oh, thank you! *sighs* I've actually had a few people on drunkduck.com and bynightcomics tell me that they think my first chapter is better than my prologue, which is kind of scary. o.O' I like to tell myself that they only like the first try better because it moves faster.
Ahem! Anyway! My long absence was not so useless. I've got four new pages to show off and I've even finished the prologue so that I can scoot off to the challenging task of editting/rewriting the first chapter. :'D Here are the last pages of the prologue:
Page Eight
Page Nine
Page Ten
Chapter One Title Page - The Woods
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 1:19 am
I can not suffer a demon to live? How do ya mean xP I hope it's just me who doesn't get it, I'm not english and all.
But I love it, especially the cover of the first chapter heart
Can't wait for the new pagessss^^
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 9:38 am
What a cold mom.... ;_;
Here's a little critique, hope you don't mind (which I'm guessing you don't since that's what people come to this guild for, right? razz )
In the very first panel of page 8, the perspective makes it look like his mother is much smaller than himself. I know it's because the reader is supposed to look down at the characters, but the wall behind Jaimie doesn't follow this perspective very well, and thus it ends up looking a little odd.
Maybe you can solve this problem by not drawing the characters and the scene in a direct front-view, maybe turn the "camera" a little to the side and give it a sense of space?
(Man I'm sorry, I feel like my english gets really jumbled and weird in these situations, I hope you can understand me ^^; Just ask if it's unclear)
Maybe some speed lines or other indications of action on the last panel on page 8 will also help on the flow between there and the next panel on page 9.
Page 9 is suffering a bit from the fact that all the panels are sort of squished together. Give some space to moments like the one where the mother delivers her "I can not suffer a demon to live" line, and the timing and impact will improve a lot. There are some dramatic events going on on this page after all. Otherwise I think the timing and choice of panels on this page is nice smile Just needs a little tweaking.
On page 10 the panel positions are a bit troublesome too. Jaimie is fading into unconsciousness, but even before that has fully happened, I find my eyes wandering towards the last panel with the girl standing over him. It breaks the flow a bit and confuses me. Better placement of panels would help here.
(And wow, that girl has spooky eyes razz I wonder what role she will play.)
A general advice on your pages: It looks like you're doing what most people (including me) do in the early stages - you tend to almost only draw people in direct front view or profile. Doing this can kill dynamics in your pages very quickly. Try considering new angles and you can bring more life into your story with just a few changes. (Of course you should be careful about changing angles and view-points in every frame, since that would just make it even more confusing razz )
It's hard I know, I still have trouble with it myself, but practice makes perfect! biggrin
Keep it up biggrin I'm looking forward to more pages. And just tell me if I need to shut up razz
The new title page looks interesting - seems like we'll see more of that mysterious read-haired woman now!
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 10:03 am
*sigh*
now I wish I could start drawing.. One more week and all the junk and presentations at school will be done, pwah, I can't wait >.<
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 7:26 pm
Ooo... Vatina, you always write a lot... o.O' But! I actually read all of it this time, and I get what you're saying. The stabby scene is a bit too short for me. I actually cut pages out of that one, because I felt it made it too melodramatic. (I had a page dedicated to the knife penetrating his stomach and everything!)
All the rest about perspectives is helpful. I've been trying to improve my perspectives outside of my comic, and I've been getting a little better. But, I'm still nervous about trying other perspectives other than eye level. :'D
Also, I think I need to vary up my characters. >.> Or, maybe put up character profiles so it's easier to tell the difference. The "girl" who is standing over Jaimie in the last page is actually a guy. XD But, I understand that it's hard to tell. He's supposed to be ambiguous at this stage. And, the woman on the chapter cover is Cruel Alice, the woman for whom the comic is named after. :3 She technically hasn't shown up yet. She's the woman Jaimie meets in the graveyard. Myep. Need character profiles...
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Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 10:41 am
KazeYami Ooo... Vatina, you always write a lot... o.O' Haha.... sorry... ^^; KazeYami Also, I think I need to vary up my characters. >.> Or, maybe put up character profiles so it's easier to tell the difference. The "girl" who is standing over Jaimie in the last page is actually a guy. XD Whoops razz Well, I sometimes make that mistake with published manga as well.... there are a lot of bishies looking like girls out there wink So don't worry too much about it. I'm happy it's a little helpful to you. Keep going! biggrin
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:27 pm
It is helpful. X3 I went ahead and at least sketched out some of the major characters and posted them up. I also have three new pages. X3 The first two I just edited, but the last one is all new.
Page Eleven
Page Twelve
Page Thirteen
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 2:58 am
Things are getting spooky again smile
Hmmm what to say.... the "use rulers for panel borders" tip still stands. Also remember to consider the width between panels some more. Especially on page 13 it seems like a lot of space might have been wasted because of these two things. Maybe in the last two, or maybe just the last panel, show a little more of the lady than her wings, so the reader gets a better idea of what the main character is talking to. Her shoulder or something (since I'm guessing you're not supposed to see her full-figure yet, maybe for suspense?).
I really like the expression he has on the second-last panel, where he looks up at her smile
Especially from looking at your new character sheets I think you would benefit a lot from taking some time to sketch away and study some human anatomy. Even something as small as a sketch a day will help you improve a lot, and once you have a better idea of anatomy, you will also be able to draw much more dynamic pages and bring your characters to life better smile
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Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:30 am
Yay more pages! x3
I think you should use a ruler, it will make things look more ordered, and the such. The art got better too! x33
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Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 8:01 am
I got through art swooshes a lot! X3 (they have a special name). It's because, believe it or not, I actually do draw an amazing amount. I usually draw a couple pictures a day. :'D Not that most of them come to anything for me. Last night, I had to open a new notebook because I finished my sixth new one and drew five piccies. :3 They were cute, but I was trying to draw arched backs because that position is interesting me lately, and all my males kept turning out like girls (so I changed them into such). But, eventually I got it and my last one looks good. ;3 Improvement feels like warm muffins.
As for anatomy, I think I know why I keep getting a little more confused about that lately. Especially with characters I draw a lot, I'm refusing to draw them as dolls (like the wooden dolls you're supposed to draw from). I tend to just start at a body part and then draw everything at once. It ends up with things getting disproportioned, even if it does save time. I'm a bad boy, aren't I? ;o:
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:03 am
@KazeYami
Lol, art swooshes xD
Hehe >: D I'm calling you out then to a "Who can draw the most drawings in one day" contest!
That used to happen to me too :'D Actually, I don't even know anymore if they even look like boys OR girls. Or even my girls look like boys or...BLEH. It's a cycle. Don't bother with it too much or worry about it too much, your guys will look more like your kind of guys [ drawing-wize xD ] Yay improvement! : 3 Remember to be proud of your mistakes too though, it's what got you farther ahead in the long run.
That's a big no-no D : You only do that if you are experienced in drawing them as dolls, or remember where everything should be. And if you really do despise drawing dolls, well, I used to draw with dolls for only a month or so, so it doesn't take a long time and it's so totally worth it :3 Just draw whatever you want, have fun, but do it with a doll! [ And it only had to be for a while, but I guess it depends. ]
Lol xD *patpat*
Have fun on your vacation :3~
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:00 am
A surprise for you for when you get back domokun
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