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 Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 7:55 pm
Perhaps that was what had made her so attractive to him at first, the fact that she was reserved...calm, and not like so many flighty, twittering males that he had known in the past. That one little neat-freak lass came to mind.
Troilus had never had someone stay...in fact, he'd never been interested in having them stay. The small animals that joined him for warmth had been company enough, but...he really didn't need them, and they were not half so intriguing, nor beautiful, as the mare by his side.
"It's all right, you don't have to know where to start, how about we play something of a game? I will ask a question, and you must answer, and then you can ask a question of me, and we can go back and forth, like so." He smiled serenely at her, "And if we linger on a question and elaborate and get off the subject, it really doesn't matter." Starting off next to her, he found the pace to be just his speed. Wonderful!
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Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 8:09 pm
Her nervousness all but evaporated in the face of his consideration of her, and she smiled back, partly in humor, at the game he'd proposed of making of their getting to know one another. It seemed to present no danger- if the conversation was headed in a direction that she'd rather not go, she could simply redirect-- she stopped that train of thought there and inwardly frowned. She'd been evading getting into her past for a very long time, and this time, she was going to be honest and forthcoming.
"That sounds perfect," she nodded her ascent, noting that despite his slightly larger stature, he seemed to be going exactly at her comfortable pace. Perhaps it was simply a habitual laziness on his part, but perhaps he was simply being considerate, and she let him know wordlessly that it was appreciated.
She supposed that she should begin this line of questions, and her expression twisted in thought as she pondered where to start it out. Nothing too deep or dark, or it would get very uncomfortable very quickly. "Hmmm... well, I suppose I should start out with something simple. What do you like to do in your free time?" She paused, grinning again as she added, "Sleeping doesn't count."
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Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 10:29 pm
It was odd, not to be convinced that the world revolved around oneself. Troilus had oft made his way in the world with flattery and insincerity and a quick wit, but he found that everything he did or said concerning this mare, had thus far today been with honest intentions.
He wanted to keep her...not in the sense of something shiny picked up by the wayside, but as a valuable individual. Fond of her already, he had full confidence...that this could be more, that this could last despite himself.
It was not simply laziness that kept him at her side, he would have let her set the pace, and who would he be to outmatch it? Would that be considerate? No. And it suited him flawlessly.
What did he like to do...well...that was a question he could formulate an answer for. "Well...beyond those long, languorous naps, I like to stargaze at night...I enjoy a good conversation or debate, and I also enjoy musing on philosophy, and lately...I've discovered that long walks and doting on my daughter are also wonderful pastimes."
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Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 10:50 pm
Although she had experience with being needed, having been a mother to Kureno, Sukari had never experienced the feeling of being wanted, and the concept of it simply blew her expectations out of the water. She'd always seen love as some foolish endeavor that was only sought out for the selfish reasons of mutual benefit- had never given any thought to stallions as anything other than self-serving and greedy. Her first impressions of Troilus, after he had left and she was given the task of raising her son alone, had been no different.
But now... something was different. He wasn't what she expected at all... it seemed all of this time she'd spent cursing the day he'd gotten her pregnant had been ill-judged. He was not selfish, nor interested in only satisfying his needs, as she had come to expect from the male species. He was kind, honest, albeit a bit lazy... but her own bad qualities seemed to far outweigh his. He made her smile, when she wasn't sure it was possible anymore.
She didn't want to think about where this line of thought would take her, so she directed her attention to his answer.
She smiled knowingly at his mention of naps, lifting her head slightly and gazing at him in curiosity as he mentioned most of what she found herself doing in her own free time. She could easily see doing some of those things with him now... the last philosophical debate she'd had was with Guilian, with her view on love... but it seemed to have changed since that conversation.
"I'm impressed. You don't look like an intellectual," she teased again, something that she found herself doing a lot of in his presence- another big change. "I like those things as well. Perhaps we should put those on a list of what we could do another night." She nodded at him after he finished. "Your turn, then."
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:02 pm
And in truth, Troilus had every capability to be just like those other stallions. Most especially self-serving and definitely only looking out for himself, endeavoring on romantic excursions for the delight and momentary pleasure that they afforded him. However, with Sukari there was already a note of serious commitment in the relationship...children were never to be viewed lightly, and now, if nothing else they were a starting point...the cornerstone of the foundation of something much larger, something that Troilus would pursue ardently.
Ah, yes, it was his turn, wasn't it? Fluttering his wings absently, he considered another question for her. Oh! That would be a good question indeed.
"What sort of being do you consider yourself to be, Sukari?" He inquired softly, a gentle curiosity in the words. People were often the most harsh judge of themselves, either that or they overestimated their own good qualities...and Troilus had always found it easy to tell. He wanted to hear it from this mare's mouth, so that he might discern which she was.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 10:34 pm
"...Me?" Her steps had faltered as the innocent question had brought forth what she'd hesitated to divulge, suddenly bringing her walls crashing down upon her as she remembered the crushing condemnation that she heaped upon her own head. It was no less than she deserved... what had she been thinking? She'd stayed alone all this time for a reason... she did not deserve to achieve happiness when her little brother would be denied it for all eternity. The best course of action would have been to simply turn and walk away, at least save Troilus from any further disappointment... but as much as she felt it fair, Sukari could not bring herself to do so. This stallion eased her heavy burden, as impossible as it seemed... and she was too selfish to give it up.
Lowering her head slightly to let ebony tendrils fall over crystal blue irises, her voice was low and quiet when she spoke. "I am a being of shame, of guilt. My sins in my earlier life have followed me, made me bitter and hateful, and I had always told myself that the price for my sins would be living my life alone, without the love that I denied the one who loved me." It was a vague answer, but it did answer his question, and it gave her a few precious moments to gather courage so she could answer the questions that would most certainly come now.
What would he do, once he knew? The only other she'd ever told was Guilian, and although she'd expected condemnation in his eyes, he offered no judgement- only remorse and sympathy. He'd called her brave... but she did not feel brave right now. For some reason, Troilus' opinion mattered more to her than Guilian's... or anyone else's, for that matter. Why? Was it simply respect or kinship, or did she already hold some sort of affection for him?
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:11 am
He was stunned, having not expected such an answer from her. She oft-seemed as though she had things just the way she wanted them, as though her life was all together and no one had best infringe. He knew better, did Troilus, to pry at those sins just now, that was something for trust...and for the future. Touching her neck gently with his nose, his own blue eyes lidded, and he was silent for a moment, before speaking, carefully and deliberately.
"Sins, my lady?" He inquired, "I do not know what sins these are...but even if they are grave, someone very wise once told me that there is always forgiveness...always redemption, even if we cannot obtain it from those we have wronged, we can redeem ourselves...it is all a matter of how we choose to live our lives. I have sins on my own plate, after all...most the fruit of my own slothfulness, things I have lost, and people that I have let down. I will not deem to judge you when I myself...am so serious a transgressor in my own right."
The flutter smiled, tilting head to one side. "Sukari...don't tell yourself lies...I don't believe anyone deserves to live alone...and bereft of affection."
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:04 pm
Feeling the comforting touch on her neck surprised her- perhaps not as much as it would have before this confrontation started- but surprised her nonetheless, and she lifted her head to meet his azure gaze with a warm, grateful smile of her own. Her guilt and shame was far from being absolved; she was sure it would stay with her until the day she died- but his presence... his offer of comfort and lack of condemnation, even though he didn't know the entire story... it warmed her frozen soul, gave her hope when she was sure there was none left in her.
"Thank you," the words were soft, gentle... punctuated by the uncharacteristically happy smile that adorned her dark maw. "I... will tell you the story soon, I can promise you that much... but I'm not entirely sure I have the strength or resolve to mar your image of me at this moment." She didn't think he would react badly to hearing the truth, as he had already proved to her... but sympathy was not something she liked to experience either. She was too proud to accept others feeling sorry for her.
"So, I believe that makes it my turn again, then..." she paused to consider her question a moment, resuming their slow walk through the tall grasses. "Did you ever imagine yourself as a father, or perhaps a mate? Or did it always seem out of your reach?"
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Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:35 pm
Troilus, for all the time that he'd spent alone, had a good grasp of manners, but not so very much in the way of acknowledging personal space. Whilst he was never purposefully intrusive, and never overly rude, he was not afraid to touch others, to give contact, especially if someone was distressed or upset and he had the vaguest inclination that it might help.
He gave her a fond smile in return, understanding in his own way. "I come from a divided family, and I'm afraid I am the son of the black sheep of it. So I do not think anything you could do could mar the image of you that I possess. I judge others by what I know of them, and I have very little authority by which to look down on others, don't you think?" He inquired lightly, seeming not a bit put off by her seemingly dark warnings of whatever it was that lurked in her past.
"Ah yes, your turn..." Pondering this for a few long seconds, he fluttered his wings thoughtfully, "Mmm. I suppose I imagined myself a father at least once or twice, I suppose I should have been ready for it to happen at least once. Mate..." His expression turned wry. "I honestly never thought I'd be worthy of it...My mother told me that neither she nor I were diligent enough to deserve a family, and I suppose I'd deluded myself that I could be happy that way. Not necessarily fulfilled, but...you get my drift." However, he'd most assuredly been proven wrong on that score. A family...didn't sound so terrible.
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Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:04 pm
The gratitude in her eyes was not something that could have been faked or forced, and it shone through the warm smile she wore. "Thank you, I appreciate that." It was comforting to know that while she was sure his situation wasn't anything like hers, it gave her comfort to know that he would not be completely unfamiliar with familial problems.
"You're much kinder than I had originally taken you for." She hoped he didn't take offense to the statement, as she meant it as a compliment- which was very rare. It wasn't in her nature to assume the best of anyone- rather, she usually assumed the worst of people, unless they proved her wrong. He had done that without any effort whatsoever, it seemed...
She tilted her head as he offered his explanation, contemplating the answer for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Love, for me, was always something unattainable... something to be admired on a distant horizon, like a sunset, but untouchable. I can relate to the feeling of unworthiness on that front... but I never even considered the idea of children." A smile of her own with little humor answered his. "While I love Kureno, and don't regret having him or Sorai, I wish I'd been a better mother to both of them."
She eyed him with an almost teasing grin. "I hope your views have been changed. You are not any more undeserving than anyone else I've met."
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:37 pm
He dipped his head in acknowledgment, a smile flitting across his maw, which he made a mental note that he needed to clean, as there was still dust on it from his last nap beneath a favorite tree. "Thank you, Sukari...I have to say that there are wide and varied opinions held of me by the various persons I have come into contact with. I suppose I am partly at fault for this, as I am not usually very blunt in most senses of the word, and my tendency to be vague oft gets me in trouble, when in reality, I am only striving for diplomacy. "
He heaved a great sigh, "Well...our little family is far from perfect, but methinks we have a chance to make it different from the ones we were raised in...I dearly pray we can make it a very good thing indeed. And my views have changed a mite indeed...for you changed them, Sukari." And his eyes lit up with the words, a warm sort of inner glow.
"Now, I daresay it's my turn. What are your dreams for the future?"
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Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:30 pm
Something warm blossomed in her chest as she observed the kind brightness warming his own eyes, eyes that were focused upon her own form. The thought that she had the ability to make someone happy, whether from a kind word or a sincere smile, was an empowering one... and not in a way that she would ever consider misusing.
That sentiment alone was startling, when considering her previous nature of living for herself, and only herself, with perhaps the sole exception of her offspring. Had she really changed so much, in so little time? The thought was half to her chagrin, half joyful bewilderment, that he could invoke such a change in her very character. His next question, however, threw her slightly off-track.
"Dreams..?" she echoed distantly, barely registering the sound of her own voice as she contemplated the question. She'd never dared to allow herself to dream of a future, of any sort of happiness, but... the more time she spent in his company, the more she wondered if maybe... just maybe, her self-imposed misery for her brother's death was a tad bit misguided. "Well... I used to think that love and attachment was futile and self-defeating, so I never considered a family of my own... but if I were completely honest, a part of me always wished for one."
Here, she hesitated again, clearly uncomfortable with a topic that she'd avoided discussing openly for so long- but pushed on nonetheless. "I want... I want Kureno and Sorai to know the love of a family, the love I never knew... and..." she trailed off again here, lowering her head and steeling her nerves to admit what she really desired, above all else. "And I want to know love for myself. To believe that it is something worthwhile, and something worth fighting for."
Her azure gaze, once icy cold and shielded with impenetrable barriers, lifted to meet his with an open, vulnerable expression, all that she was seeming to be laid bare for him to see. Slowly, tremulously, a smile of askance formed upon her ebon' maw, more timid than any other expression she'd ever worn. "Is that... something you would be willing to help me undertake?" The meaning was clear. 'Will you let me understand how to love you? Can I?'
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