Welcome to Gaia! ::

I WANT!!! crying *contemplates Amazon*

Thanks to those who posted...I talked to a best friend of mine, and I plan on talking to a different uncle (the one I'm staying with) tomorrow. I still find the whole thing REALLY awkward...but you're all right...I don't think he'd take anything I say negatively...Flattered...I guess so...Creeped out...slightly.... sweatdrop Tomorrow I'll write a letter explaining to him just how I feel....hopefully things in the family won't become TOO awkward...

Funny how things work.... sweatdrop

I believe you, took me forever the first time too. No worries though, maybe a couple weeks and it'll be easy or easier.

I would never get contacts, I'm far too afraid. What if one of them stabs me in the eye and I have to wear an EYEPATCH?! *shakes, whimpers*

Besides, I don't have the patience for that. I need new glasses too. I'm kinda rough on my glasses, and so far, I can tell these ones are on their last legs.....the "arms" (the things that extend from the glasses to your ear) are getting a little too loose for my liking, and the glasses themselves are about.....a year and a half old. Damn, I'm expensive.

Good luck with the contacts, Sakii! ninja

I got looked over, big time xp

I haven't changed my glasses in 3 years. Got new prescription, but not new frames. I got my current ones in Thailand and they're so much cheaper over there. These ones are pretty sturdy, Merlin stepped on them, I've had dogs flip them off my face and I've sat on them several times

I'm just really looking for input I guess. I dunno XP The last time this happened, when I shifted into the "I like girls more" phase, I got really pissed because I was around a group of people who were VERY femme-phobic, to the point where it was beyond sexist.

I don't think I'll ever be in love again. Ever. I can't handle it.

Today was a rough day. I was only happy when I was talking with Kelly, and even then...i felt hurt, he seemed not to care much today, or yesterday.

International phonecalls are a b***h, and so, I can no longer call him, since yesterday. He knew since the moment he woke up, this was our last day speaking, and possabley, even on the net, since I may have my net taken away for a while. I was planning to spend our time being affectionet as we useualy are. But...I was told, As I was settleing down after my day being busy (I was dragged away from him multiple times against my will) He was going to a concert with his friends. they'd asked him just a few hours ago, and he said yes.

...It hurt, honestly, he'd rather go with them then stay with me. However, my rule has always been 'bro's before hoes' and thats simple. However, on the other end of this, it hurt. I wanted him to stay so badly, I was furious with myself for being so selfish, he hardly ever leaves me, so he aught to have fun. I made him feel horrable, but I still made him go. I was so angry at him, and myself...

So I waited until he got home, stayingup all night waiting til six AM. When we finealy talked, his phone started to die, and the entire time he seemed like generaly, he was only talking to me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings, like how one treats a person they don't like, but don't want to hurt, when they know said person really loves them.

Eventualy, the phone died, and I gave up.

This morning, I got permission to call, and I tried, his phone was off, and I kept calling. I waited, I was in alot of pain, ( i am, every morning lately.) I wanted him around despretly. Finealy, he got online, and we talked, and cuddled and such. It was nice, and then he had to go..again. Soccar.

That was alright, he'd be back in an hour. So I left with mom, and went to do my things. About eight, (7 hours later, and many many attempted phone calls later,) He answers, and tells me he's at Ian's house...

I'm hurt, and crushed for no reason. I felt betrayed and upset and angry, that today, when he said he'd be around, he wasn't. He didn't even tell me where he was going, so I worried. He was having chest pains lately, so I was fearing the worst. The whole phone conversation, I was despretely trying to find some condolence for my paranoia, and my hurt feelings. He seemed rushed, and even though he attempted to make me feel better, it wasn't the way a lover would, it was the way somone you know might.

My paranoia about how he feels about me was started by somone whos name I won't mention, and spiraled off. I'm an emotional reck, and even though I try to rationalize with my paranoia, it won't listen, and it just tells me otherwise. It makes me a wreak, and I'm crying, because i'm so upset.

I called him again, just know. No answer, I called three times, and each ring driving home more paranoia. Just before this, on the last phone call, he asked me out, (he has before, i've turned him down. I was never ready.) and I said yes, thinking maybe it would help. It didn't, he seemed to still care little, and I felt emotionaly stressed.

Earlier, I'd asked him to get online, andhe said alright. However, it was shortly interupted and now he's gone. I am in distress, and upset, and so I texted him, telling him how I felt, and to forget the relationship, I don't want to be with him.

I supose I deserve the ill-treatment, but it still hurts...

NG, I'm just really sorry to hear that. I know he was there to cheer you up, and I know it'll be hard for you with him gone. I really hope your net doesn't get taken away, because we're all still here for you and we always will be. Nothing'll change that. You can always come to me if you need to, if you can at least. I won't turn you away if you need it