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 Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 7:58 pm
Satil Sauce Block Satil I going to have to start taking something for my anxiety disorder. I've dealt with it my entire life, my teachers as a child tried to get my Mom to medicate me, I would burst into tears at the mention of a test, I made myself sick with worry once when I erased so much on my paper that I made a hole. My Mom refused to medicate me and I learned to deal and the anxiety was manageable for a while. But now it's come back in full, unmanageable force. My colleague and I do an outreach program at a prison for pregnant women on Thursdays. She asked me to meet her in a place I have never driven to before. My throat got tight, my chest boa constrictor came back, and I squeaked out "ok". Then I came home and cried for 3 hours because I was "scared". A 23 year old woman should not react to something like that. I'm starting to lose my mind. Someone give me some Valium. I dunno if it's the same thing, but I've had really bad social anxiety my whole life. Not to mention, being severely sheltered by my Christian parents. It wasn't until last Saturday when I attended my first concert. It was a Bob Weir & Ratdog concert. I've never been surrounded by such positive energy... Deadheads are really nice people, apparently. Anyways, because of my anxiety, I always refrained going to concerts because of the crowds. Boy, was I in for a pleasant surprise. I didn't want to leave. Social Anxiety is a form of an anxiety disorder. I have more of a generalized anxiety, my main triggers are driving (I didn't get my license until I was 20 because of it), and people thinking I'm stupid. This makes it very difficult for me to take criticism. I'm ok during it, but after I go home I dwell, and dwell, and DWELL. I constantly go over the day's events in my head thinking of all the ways I made myself look dumb. It's great you were able to overcome your fears. surprised I figured it was time to grab the moment by the balls, haha. I felt like it was 'now or never'. I also have a tendency to dwell on things a bit. Especially when I goof up socially and such. I have a hard time 'letting go' of the past, too (or so I've been told). But eh, I'll fidget out of my introverted shell one day, I hope. wink I hate driving in urban areas. I'm more comfy driving in the boonies where the roads are less complex, and there is less people.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:01 pm
My "z" button fell off and won't go back on. Also, my space-bar isn't working as well as it used to.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 7:52 pm
I dislocated my kneecap again. sad
But I got a totally sweet pixie cut afterwards. surprised
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Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 6:08 am
I'm so sick of these tagged.com spam emails. Quote: Josh Rheaume has added you as a friend Is Josh your friend? NO HE IS ******** NOT! I DON'T KNOW JOSH! I HAVE NOT MET ANY JOSHES IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
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Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:57 am
Sinusoid I'm so sick of these tagged.com spam emails. Quote: Josh Rheaume has added you as a friend Is Josh your friend? NO HE IS ******** NOT! I DON'T KNOW JOSH! I HAVE NOT MET ANY JOSHES IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. LMAO Sorry. You must be... Rasmus? My friend Abdulkadir has a tagged account and he wanted me to visit it. So, I tried and couldn't without creating an account (something I'll never view anyway... I barely use MySpace to begin with.) for myself. And to make matters worse, an email got sent to everyone in my contacts. gonk So yes, I am Josh. Sorry for any inconvenience. neutral
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 12:31 am
I hate having such soft skin. I don't need to cut myself, the world cuts me.
At the moment, I have between four and seven wounds, all of them of unknown origin.
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:45 pm
I worry about stupid things sometimes. At the moment, I worry about relationships and my lack thereof.
I have never been in a relationship. I've never had sex, I've never been kissed, I've never felt attracted to anyone enough for anything extending beyond friendship. The closest thing I have to a confidant is you guys.
I get the feeling that I'm going to live and die alone, which makes me sad because I want to have kids someday and that would be both difficult and a terrible idea if I were to raise them alone.
But that's not what I'm actually worried about at the moment. I'm worried that I might someday find myself, somehow, by some bizarre, amoral twist of fate, in a relationship. And that scares me, because I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to say, how to act, how to pay attention to a person. I don't know how to fulfill the obligations that come with being one half of a couple. I want to be like that person in the book, but I don't know how.
I know, I know, the best advice I'll probably get is to be myself. I've heard of worse ideas, but not many.
I'm not exactly relationship material. My life revolves around my own entertainment; my sense of humor is a kind of nerdy, surrealist, sadism that is more annoying than funny. I can't hold a serious conversation without making fun of the other person. I have no ability to read people. I'm shallow and insensitive and I have trouble feeling emotions. I'm not someone who can be tolerated in large doses.
I'm decent friend material. I can be entertaining at times, and if nothing else, I can always lie my way into being amusing. But if someone actually wanted something beyond just friendship + stealing each others' food, I don't know what to do, and I really, really would hate to disappoint someone who actually liked me, even if it were for who I am.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:15 am
Layra-chan I worry about stupid things sometimes. At the moment, I worry about relationships and my lack thereof. I have never been in a relationship. I've never had sex, I've never been kissed, I've never felt attracted to anyone enough for anything extending beyond friendship. The closest thing I have to a confidant is you guys. I get the feeling that I'm going to live and die alone, which makes me sad because I want to have kids someday and that would be both difficult and a terrible idea if I were to raise them alone. But that's not what I'm actually worried about at the moment. I'm worried that I might someday find myself, somehow, by some bizarre, amoral twist of fate, in a relationship. And that scares me, because I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to say, how to act, how to pay attention to a person. I don't know how to fulfill the obligations that come with being one half of a couple. I want to be like that person in the book, but I don't know how. I know, I know, the best advice I'll probably get is to be myself. I've heard of worse ideas, but not many. I'm not exactly relationship material. My life revolves around my own entertainment; my sense of humor is a kind of nerdy, surrealist, sadism that is more annoying than funny. I can't hold a serious conversation without making fun of the other person. I have no ability to read people. I'm shallow and insensitive and I have trouble feeling emotions. I'm not someone who can be tolerated in large doses. I'm decent friend material. I can be entertaining at times, and if nothing else, I can always lie my way into being amusing. But if someone actually wanted something beyond just friendship + stealing each others' food, I don't know what to do, and I really, really would hate to disappoint someone who actually liked me, even if it were for who I am. After reading an then re-reading your post several times I don't really have any advice for you Layra-chan, but I do have a question for you. Do you even want to be kissed?
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:22 am
I'M ******** COLD. evil
Just turned the thermostat up to 70. mrgreen
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 12:47 pm
Randolyn After reading an then re-reading your post several times I don't really have any advice for you Layra-chan, but I do have a question for you. Do you even want to be kissed? I don't know. Maybe. It might be interesting. Err... I basically view it like bungee jumping: it looks like fun, it sounds like fun, but I can't imagine myself doing it, and the only people who would tell me to go for it are all deliberately giving me bad advice. I have an obsession with falling, but everything in me tells me it's a bad idea. So I just sit back and watch and theorize about it and hope to god that I don't find myself tied to a bungee cord.
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:04 am
Layra-chan Randolyn After reading an then re-reading your post several times I don't really have any advice for you Layra-chan, but I do have a question for you. Do you even want to be kissed? I don't know. Maybe. It might be interesting. Err... I basically view it like bungee jumping: it looks like fun, it sounds like fun, but I can't imagine myself doing it, and the only people who would tell me to go for it are all deliberately giving me bad advice. I have an obsession with falling, but everything in me tells me it's a bad idea. So I just sit back and watch and theorize about it and hope to god that I don't find myself tied to a bungee cord. That's an interesting analogy Layra comparing kissing to bungee jumping, but I think that I'd take kissing over bungee jumping any time. 3nodding But all this talk about kissing has given me an idea. New Year's Eve will be here before you know it and everyone gets kissed on New Year's Eve. So this is what I think that you should do. Find someone who you wouldn't mind kissing and then hang out with them on New Year's Eve. And when midnight comes around just grab them and kiss them. Or if your feeling really brave just grab some mistletoe and find somebody who looks like they want to be kissed and then just walk up to them and hold the mistletoe over their head and kiss them. Either way you should be able to kiss somebody without having to get to attached to them. xd
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:58 pm
Randolyn That's an interesting analogy Layra comparing kissing to bungee jumping, but I think that I'd take kissing over bungee jumping any time. 3nodding But all this talk about kissing has given me an idea. New Year's Eve will be here before you know it and everyone gets kissed on New Year's Eve. So this is what I think that you should do. Find someone who you wouldn't mind kissing and then hang out with them on New Year's Eve. And when midnight comes around just grab them and kiss them. Or if your feeling really brave just grab some mistletoe and find somebody who looks like they want to be kissed and then just walk up to them and hold the mistletoe over their head and kiss them. Either way you should be able to kiss somebody without having to get to attached to them. xd Well, there's also the problem of me not being able to be attracted to people. Which is not to say that I don't find people attractive, but only in the abstract. Um...If I know the person, even a little bit, I'm not attracted to them; which is not to say that I don't find them attractive. I sound like a freak. Um...I'm terribly shy, to the point where I can't even admit this problem to my friends (although if I did I can almost guarantee that the results would be horrendous). And it really, really doesn't help that I'm a hopeless romantic, wanting to save my first kiss for someone special.
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Dangerous Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 1:13 am
If you're a hopeless romantic, find someone that feels like the first time everytime. wink
(Yes on the inside, I'm a really tacky, romantic, love drunk ape.)
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 3:28 pm
Sauce Block Sinusoid I'm so sick of these tagged.com spam emails. Quote: Josh Rheaume has added you as a friend Is Josh your friend? NO HE IS ******** NOT! I DON'T KNOW JOSH! I HAVE NOT MET ANY JOSHES IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. LMAO Sorry. You must be... Rasmus? My friend Abdulkadir has a tagged account and he wanted me to visit it. So, I tried and couldn't without creating an account (something I'll never view anyway... I barely use MySpace to begin with.) for myself. And to make matters worse, an email got sent to everyone in my contacts. gonk So yes, I am Josh. Sorry for any inconvenience. neutral That was you!? rofl Sorry!
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 3:43 pm
White Linen If you're a hopeless romantic, find someone that feels like the first time everytime. wink (Yes on the inside, I'm a really tacky, romantic, love drunk ape.) Yeah, you lucky b*****d, rub it in. stressed
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