Welcome to Gaia! ::

Not seeing the light of day kinda sorta sucks the big one.

Working nights and sleeping mornings. Ehh.... at least I have afternoons and weekends.

Just found the best job I could probably get this summer, and the application deadline was last week while I was in school. gonk

IT'S ******** HOT OUT. sweatdrop



s**t man.... stress?

Aw man, my last relationship was kinda like that....

I hope things work out for you two.

That same ex (it didn't work out for us, but hopefully it'll work out for you) left me on an odd note (odd as in it kind of came out of nowhere). And now almost a year later she wants me back, and I've since moved on. So I guess it's sadder on her end.

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Rant time.

I feel as if I'm merely existing sometimes (actually, quite often). Like as if there's not enough going on in my life. I suppose it's my own fault though. I'm not sheltered in any way.... I just don't get out because of my social anxiety. stressed But, after a while of being surrounded by people I want to get away from everything... but then again, it's those same people that brings the drugs around... and before you know it I find myself bathing in substance abuse. I know it's wrong, and I still find myself doing it. I've no willpower at all. I view myself as socially and morally weak. I view myself as having a very bland, dull personality... yet in my mind I don't. I talk to myself more than the average person should, I think. I just feel like such an outcast, even from my own family sometimes. I'm nice, I'm polite, I'm VERY quiet (unless you get me drunk), I want friends, but I know where my problem lies, and I just can't get myself out of it... rolleyes It's been my dream to create and produce music so I can concentrate on something but money has always been the issue. I have a job, and I'm financially stable (as far as not being in debt), but I just blow my money on CDs, and.... stuff I definately shouldn't be spending it on. Like drugs, to be blunt. My Mom is always getting on my case for not helping around the house and whatnot... I just have no ambition anymore it seems. Almost everything I do are solitary events. I find myself starting to grow more and more anti-social towards christians (I come from a christian upbringing and background , believe it or not). My parents are always telling me that I'll be more happy in life if I were to start going to church again and to meet a christian girl and get married, yada yada. But, in my mind, it's not something I live for. I consider myself more agnostic than christian OR atheist. And I can't live with the burden of letting my parents down or disappointing them because when it comes right down to it, I know they love me and are just trying to helping out. DAMN IT. What the hell. What is there to do...

I think sometime once my CD collection beefs up a bit (and hopefully if someone has some DJing experience they could help out), I'm going to throw an event myself. It will set place in a very rural area with no houses around. Bringing a power generator along for some electrical energy shouldn't be too much of a problem. It will include all different kinds of electronic music (EBM, house, jungle, DnB, trance, psy/goa, glitch, gabber, IDM, breakbeat, you name it). Requests will be taken, of course. And feel free to bring CDs that I and the DJ (whoever it will be) may not have.

Man, it's pretty neat to dream isn't it? stare I do it too often, probably. I'm quite naiive (sp?) and don't think of consequences before hand as much as I should. For all I know, it could be totally illegal to throw an outside party. I love to travel, but I'm afraid to do it on my own. So there goes the option of going to concerts. I hate driving in cities, but I LOVE walking in them. It's the face of anonymity that I've ALWAYS longed for and I think now I'm starting to reap the thought that has been sewn in my mind for years. Way to go me, right?

I thought I was over with women. ><

Last night I has my first really bad experience with LSD. I felt so out of control and I hate that feeling which is why LSD is pretty low on my drug totem pole. Not that I get a lot of variety with my substances anyway. I'm picky.

I decided to lay off it for a good long time because I just can't handle it. Give me some good old MDMA any day of the week.

It's like pulling teeth trying to find hallucinogins (I know I spelled that wrong) down here because there isn't much of a market for it. I've only seen mushrooms floating around twice and I've NEVER seen peyote here. LSD is really hard to get, our friend brough it from New York. Anytime we ask someone about it they say that there isn't any for about 6 states.

Word! Schroomies make you feel all nice and relaxed and dreamy and full of wonder.

I felt more from a 1/4 of an 1/8 of shrooms than I did 2 hits of acid. It was probably schwag acid, though. And i have NO idea where it came from.

How do you eat your schroomies, I ask? I douse them in peanut butter.

'Cuz as most know, shrooms look, smell, AND taste like a bag of asses. smile rofl